Reviews with content warning for Sexual content - My Policeman

My thoughts are kinda all over the place with this book. But one thing I am certain of is ‘this is a tragedy. One of the best.’ (This is a quote from my favourite part of the book and it perfectly sums up the story of Tom Burgess, this story)

My Policeman was my most anticipated read of the year after finding out about the book and story when I first got into reading around February/March. The plot, setting and characters really intrigued me and I felt I just needed this book in my brain and life. And in all honesty I don’t think it lived up to the hype I put upon it - this is my own fault but still like it did kinda underdeliver - but it was still good just not great.

The basic plot is: Marion (Tom (the policeman)’s wife) is writing an account of the past to Patrick (Tom’s gay lover) in 1999 after he came to stay following a series of strokes. She thinks back to how she met Tom, her teenageish years, teacher training, marriage, and just like other stuff. Another POV portrayed is from Patrick with his journal/diary entries from that time of how he met ‘My [his] Policeman’, their relationship and also his backstory/personal life and then a bit later. It’s essentially a love triangle with both Marion and Patrick expressing their admiration and love for Tom and how this set up was doomed to fail. There is a lot more with other characters and plot lines and things but I don’t want to spoil anything.

My main issue I found is how Marion, in her sixties, is able to think back forty-ish years ago and portray so much detail in her recollections. I just think like how? Yes it’s not like daily journal entries like Patrick’s POV and it is interjected with (then) present day accounts of what’s happening in her life, but I don’t think someone merely thinking back could pen that level of detail about another person’s lipstick or thoughts and stuff. I don’t know it just didn’t add up fully in my head.

What I loved most was the setting and how realised it was. Brighton is an area I do know a bit about but would like to visit and explore more. The city and surrounding areas really does come to life and the descriptions of places, people and scenarios is written really well. There are many nice, hopeful, sweet and heartwarming parts of the book but oh my A LOT of heartache and sadness. It’s a very difficult and heavy read I found but also captivating and makes you read on.

The characters. It’s difficult to gather together my thoughts. They are all nuanced. Ugh I don’t know!! Marion - she is a nice person who was caught up in a ‘bad’ situation because of the society and laws of the time. Things having been different, I feel she’d of been upset to have lost Tom but accepted him. She did a very unforgivable thing which filled me with rage (especially the child part!!! Omfg nope, no way bitch - sorry I’m passionate) but she was hurting bad. I am confusion. Patrick - I did like him and I most definitely preferred reading his parts, I just was more empathetic to him and I felt very touched and saddened by certain things he went through (especially with Michael - my heart = shatters) and I felt he was a very kind and giving person. Tom - oh hun. Wrong time to be alive - well wrong attitudes and laws - because it ruined his life and those he loved too. I don’t know honestly, I want to love him but also certain things just ughhhh but then like he couldn’t have acted differently… I… ummm. Brain not functioning right now. Julie - I loved you girl. Awgh of my favourite parts of the book was with you and Marion in the part bit where you confessed something. But also you did kinda sow a couple seeds which lead to things. But like they’d of came abound anyway in all honesty but still. Sylvie - you did some things that were kinda (well were) deceitful and wrong. And what you said about Tom to Marion ugh maybe you should have been a bit more persistent… told her straight like you did after the thing? There are more characters but I want to end on my favourite of the bunch… Patrick’s mum - I love you. I needed more more you. You were just agh my heart. Your attitude was it. Yes mam.

I do feel I have a lot more to say about this book, like I could have a massive mind blurt and roll on and on. I also have questions and needed more but also like quite a few parts of the book I was thinking this is a little needless, I don’t really care that much. But also like it was good. I don’t know l. My thoughts are honestly all over the place and it’s been very difficult trying to compose them. This leads to my rating. I so so badly wanted this to be a full on 5 ⭐️but I don’t know… with some parts it is undoubtedly so but others are closer to 3. In general I think I would give it a 4-ish maybe. I don’t know!! I’m so confused but also like I do need to factor the time period and everything and just like yhhh. I think I’ll give it a 4.5 ⭐️ rating overall. But this is likely to change. I do know one thing for sure: I need to give this book a reread.

Final point: I did watch the film right after finishing the book and it was good. I liked the scenery and characters and stuff. I would say the book was better and there were (obviously) changes made with quite a lot of the book being left out. This included my favourite scene of Patrick in prison shortly after Marion’s visit just the whole thing gripped me. So Yhh good not great, sad but nice and would like to watch it again.

Content Warnings

binreads's review against another edition

Go to review page

emotional hopeful sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.25

Let me preface this by saying, I did pick this book up so I could read before the movie came out because of my boy Harry.

This book is complicated for me, with characters who are extremely complicated. It's a very sad and tragic story. It's hard for me to completely like or dislike any of them. They all have their strengths and huge flaws. I finished the book and thought "...that's it? that's how it ends?"

I hurt for both Marion and Patrick. I actually really disliked Tom. For using Marion, who is seemingly was so blinded by love she would do anything for Tom, even when he didn't deserve it. And for not allowing himself to be true to himself, and be fully with Patrick.

I almost wonder if that's the exact reason he chose to marry her. He knew she was in love with him. Maybe he always knew, sensing her infatuation in their younger years. It wasn't fair to anyone involved. He loved Marion platonically but he should've at least tried to show he cared for her. He must've to some extent if he married her? Cut to the part where he finds out Patrick has been arrested and he has the nerve to break down to her. He never had the courage to tell her his true feelings, and yet I guess he suspected she knew? I hate how he gaslit her anytime she stuck up for herself. It was so infuriating. He was way too concerned with the proper way of doing things, his job and reputation and not the people in his life.

I think they were all pretty selfish in different ways. Patrick, for being the 3rd wheel in their marriage, full well knowing here's a woman who genuinely loves her husband and here you are having a secret relationship. Marion, for not leaving Tom and allowing herself to move on - instead writing the dreaded letter that ruins everything and hurts everyone. That was unforgivable. I'll never understand why she couldn't work it out with Tom or just leave him. And Tom, for unfortunately using both people for his own needs.

Heck! Tom should've married Julia then it could've been a Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo kinda situation. An understanding between them all to love whom they wanted in private. I sensed she was also queer and even rooted for Marion to have feelings for her.

I am really excited for the movie because I think it will portray Tom and Patrick's relationship better on screen. That's the one thing that confused me is I didn't expect this to be so much of Marion. I wish we got to see more from Patrick.

Content Warnings

msennflinn's review against another edition

Go to review page

challenging emotional reflective tense slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

2.0

I don't know how to feel about this one, but it's not a good feeling. I knew going into it that this book was not written from a queer perspective, as in the author is a cisgender, straight woman. I went for it anyway, to see what all the hullabaloo was about. While the writing is done well, the actual story sucks. A cis, straight woman writing a tragedy about two queer men and one horrible, awful woman does not stand the test of time. Plenty of other people on here have said it better, but the lack of an OWN voice is on full display in this book. I fear that many people are flocking to this book ten years after its publishing date (and I suppose because it wasn't on US shelves until 2021) because of the movie, starring Harry Styles. While I can appreciate people finding and reading a book after it's been optioned for or made into a movie, the high marks people are giving this one is shocking.

Non-queer authors: please stop writing about queer characters in this way. Better yet, leave it to LGBTQ+ folks to tell these stories.

Content Warnings

itsocchiolism's review against another edition

Go to review page

dark emotional sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

***** FULL OF SPOILERS****

Nothing is black and white in this book. Not a choice and not a relationship or dynamic between anyone. Everything is just complicated and painful for everyone.

It’s not “you hurt me and I hate you” , it’s more “you hurt me & I understand why you did it, but I still have a right to feel betrayed and angry. And I love you and I don’t know how to stop doing that, how to leave or how to fix this”

It’s “I know that you wish that I was braver, and that you tolerate the crumbs of love I give you, but I’m scared. And I know you deserve better but I’m here and I hope you can share me”

It’s “I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep you in my life, even if it means becoming close with someone & using her for our advantage. I don’t want to hurt her, nothing of this is her fault, I don’t wanna ruin her pride but at the same time I will do anything to be with you”

These characters felt so human. They are selfless and selfish, they are kind and ruthless, they are loyal and not. All at once.

Marion made a terrible choice when she decided to send that letter, if she would’ve known how dangerous the situation was she would’ve never done it because she didn’t want to risk putting Tom in danger. She knew how much Patrick meant to Tom, and she knew that hurting Patrick would hurt her husband as well. I found myself very frustrated with her in several parts of the book, but I think it’s just encompassing the bigger theme that is a woman’s place in society. At the time Marion admitted that she wouldn’t know how to leave Tom. It’s only at the end that she realizes that leaving is the only thing that she can do. That she has lost so much time, and she’s been a fool, and she can do it on her own- she can leave. She finds that self respect that she should’ve so much earlier on. But only after taking care of Patrick and doing everything that she can to forgive herself and earn their forgiveness. While at the same time letting them be happy by removing herself from the equation, and hoping that they can be alone together at the end.

It’s upsetting to me to see everybody bashing Marion so ruthlessly. Yes she did an awful, terrible and maybe even unforgivable thing, but where is the empathy for this woman, who is suffering the betrayal of her life? Try to put yourself in her shoes. You married the presumed love of your life and you become friends with his friend only to find out years later that your husband is actually gay, doesn’t romantically love you, and is definitely having an affair with his friend. Someone you have dined with, and gone to the theater with, & and on vacation and has been a huge part of your life for years. And not ever receiving an apology from either one of them.

Patrick and Tom are not guilt free, they are not innocent. they both took advantage of Marion. Tom by marrying her so he would be in a good societal standard, all while having a secret life and a love affair with the man he really loved. And Patrick also took advantage of Marion & in the security that she brought to his relationship with Tom.

I would say that ultimately it’s society‘s fault for the way that they misstreated queer people back then. That Patrick and Tom did what they could to do to stay together and to keep that sliver of happiness that they found with each other. And that Marion was just trying to save her marriage.

it’s no one‘s fault which makes this story so tragic.

I like to think that if it could’ve been avoided, Tom would have never married Marion. That him and Patrick would’ve been happy together and Marion would’ve moved on from her little crush on Tom and she would have found a husband that was fitting for her and it all would’ve worked out. but that’s in a perfect society, which is not the case here. so again I will reiterate that even though they all made mistakes they were doing what they thought was best.

I do wish we would have seen Tom’s perspective, I inferred as much as i could about his character, but it was a bit hard because we only saw him through the eyes of two people that were deeply in love with him. I think we don’t really get to know the character at all, it was more of an image of how his lover and his wife perceived him.

All the characters made terrible choices, they all had their reasons, their motives, and I can see each of their sides and stories. I think it was a beautifully told story, I loved the writing, the imagery, the feelings that it evoked in me. I felt protectiveness over them all in spite of everything, I wanted them all to be happy and find joy and peace with themselves.

Content Warnings

apiora215's review against another edition

Go to review page

emotional sad slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.5

Content Warnings

jazzy_t's review against another edition

Go to review page

emotional funny informative reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Plot
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No

3.5

I did enjoyed the read of this book. And the time period I haven't read about in this context so was informative too.

I disliked Marion coming to the end of the book but some of this was wanted by the author. However by the end I was finding it difficult to connect anymore to her character. I saw someone else's review that commented on the same thoughts as me about the difficulty understanding the intent of the author and feeling like they wanted you to simiphise with Marion.

I also at the start didn't realise it was written from a point of view so took me a second to work that out!

It was a good read like I said, and I enjoyed my experience reading it however its not a new favourite.

Content Warnings

alittlelibrary's review against another edition

Go to review page

emotional inspiring reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

Content Warnings

ricardo_sb's review against another edition

Go to review page

challenging dark emotional reflective sad tense slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? No
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

4.25

Content Warnings

More...