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purplepierogi's review
Esther is amazing and this book kind of broke my brain re: long term monogamy
tishywishy's review
5.0
The best non-fiction book I've read this year. I can't recommend it enough. It's engaging, witty and full of all varied human experiences.
While the book has a large number of heterosexual couples, there are queer couples and poly relationships as well. It sets the stage for how infidelity affects our view of our partners and selves. It's a book I would recommend to every single person who is about to start dating, not only married or long-term relationships.
While the book has a large number of heterosexual couples, there are queer couples and poly relationships as well. It sets the stage for how infidelity affects our view of our partners and selves. It's a book I would recommend to every single person who is about to start dating, not only married or long-term relationships.
stormyriot's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
4.0
libellum_aphrodite's review
5.0
Esther Perel is a damn insightful therapist and engaging writer. I think what might have impressed me most in the book (and there was a lot to choose from) was how gracefully she moved between themes and couples, weaving them all together into am amazingly detailed portrait of human relationships. She incorporates a huge variety of couples and situations, and somehow enables you to inhabit even those very far from your own experience. Her core message is that a more pragmatic and less judgmental approach to affairs can open the best path to healing and growth, whether or not it means staying together.
ameliaelia's review
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
Provides such an interesting perspective on a divisive subject.
rafaela_borges's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
fast-paced
4.25
Well, this was surely an emotional rollercoaster!
The book is very informative and full of anecdotes and insights that made me think of infidelity with more nuance, although I often felt sickened by the stories and thought about abandoning the book several times because it was too bloody painful. But I'm glad I didn't, because it was very constructive and gave me the understanding I was looking for when I picked up the book.
And even though I've never personally dealt with infidelity (only because I've never been in a relationship lol), it was still useful and made me rethink some of the insecurities I have about relationships. I'd definitely recommend it for those who are interested in the subject.
The book is very informative and full of anecdotes and insights that made me think of infidelity with more nuance, although I often felt sickened by the stories and thought about abandoning the book several times because it was too bloody painful. But I'm glad I didn't, because it was very constructive and gave me the understanding I was looking for when I picked up the book.
And even though I've never personally dealt with infidelity (only because I've never been in a relationship lol), it was still useful and made me rethink some of the insecurities I have about relationships. I'd definitely recommend it for those who are interested in the subject.
wanderingmole's review against another edition
5.0
Interesting, surprising, practical and compassionate. An exploration of infidelity from a wide range of perspectives and life experiences. Great audio production too.
“We all understand that the future is unpredictable, but we expect that our past will be dependable, and that we can look back and trust what we experienced. When you are betrayed by your partner, you lose the coherence of the narrative of your life, and maybe the essence of the betrayal is when we rob somebody of the story of their life”
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing, the last of the human freedoms, to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances” - Victor Frankel
“There’s another way of looking at trust, as a force that enables us to cope with uncertainty and vulnerability. To quote Rachel Botsman, ‘Trust is a confident relationship to the unknown. If we accept that the certainty we long for is something we may never truly have, we can reframe the notion of trust’. Yes, trust is built and strengthened by actions over time. But trust is also a leap of faith, a risk masquerading as a promise, as Adam Phillips writes”
“Our partners do not belong to us. They are only on loan with an option to renew, or not. Knowing we can lose them does not have to undermine commitment. Rather, it mandates an active engagement that long term couples often lose. The realization that our loved ones are forever elusive should jolt us out of complacency in the most positive sense. The current of aliveness once awoken is a powerful force hard to resist. What must be resisted are the dwindling curiosity,… the desiccating routines… Domestic deadness is often a crisis of imagination”
“We all understand that the future is unpredictable, but we expect that our past will be dependable, and that we can look back and trust what we experienced. When you are betrayed by your partner, you lose the coherence of the narrative of your life, and maybe the essence of the betrayal is when we rob somebody of the story of their life”
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing, the last of the human freedoms, to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances” - Victor Frankel
“There’s another way of looking at trust, as a force that enables us to cope with uncertainty and vulnerability. To quote Rachel Botsman, ‘Trust is a confident relationship to the unknown. If we accept that the certainty we long for is something we may never truly have, we can reframe the notion of trust’. Yes, trust is built and strengthened by actions over time. But trust is also a leap of faith, a risk masquerading as a promise, as Adam Phillips writes”
“Our partners do not belong to us. They are only on loan with an option to renew, or not. Knowing we can lose them does not have to undermine commitment. Rather, it mandates an active engagement that long term couples often lose. The realization that our loved ones are forever elusive should jolt us out of complacency in the most positive sense. The current of aliveness once awoken is a powerful force hard to resist. What must be resisted are the dwindling curiosity,… the desiccating routines… Domestic deadness is often a crisis of imagination”