Take a photo of a barcode or cover
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
At the heart of the Seven Principles approach is the simple truth that happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company. These couples tend to know each other intimately—they are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams. They have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in the big ways but through small gestures day in and day out.
Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse.
Betrayal is, fundamentally, any act or life choice that doesn’t prioritize the commitment and put the partner “before all others.”
We say they are using a repair attempt. This term refers to any statement or action—silly or otherwise—that prevents negativity from escalating out of control. Repair attempts are a secret weapon of emotionally intelligent couples—even though many of these couples aren’t aware that they are employing something so powerful. When a couple have a strong friendship, they naturally become experts at sending each other repair attempts and at correctly reading those sent their way.
In the strongest marriages, husband and wife share a deep sense of meaning. They don’t just “get along”—they also support each other’s hopes and aspirations and build a sense of purpose into their lives together. That is really what I mean when I talk about honoring and respecting each other.
In contrast, emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other’s world. I call this having a richly detailed love map—my term for that part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner’s life.
Fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements in a rewarding and long-lasting romance. Although happily married couples may feel driven to distraction at times by their partner’s personality flaws, they still feel that the person they married is worthy of honor and respect. They cherish each other, which is critical to keeping their Sound Relationship House intact and preventing betrayal. If fondness and admiration are completely missing, reviving the relationship is impossible.
It is kept alive each time you let your spouse know he or she is valued during the grind of everyday life.
No one is right. There is no absolute reality in marital conflict, only two subjective ones. This is true whether the disagreement is solvable or perpetual.
Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse.
Betrayal is, fundamentally, any act or life choice that doesn’t prioritize the commitment and put the partner “before all others.”
We say they are using a repair attempt. This term refers to any statement or action—silly or otherwise—that prevents negativity from escalating out of control. Repair attempts are a secret weapon of emotionally intelligent couples—even though many of these couples aren’t aware that they are employing something so powerful. When a couple have a strong friendship, they naturally become experts at sending each other repair attempts and at correctly reading those sent their way.
In the strongest marriages, husband and wife share a deep sense of meaning. They don’t just “get along”—they also support each other’s hopes and aspirations and build a sense of purpose into their lives together. That is really what I mean when I talk about honoring and respecting each other.
In contrast, emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other’s world. I call this having a richly detailed love map—my term for that part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner’s life.
Fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements in a rewarding and long-lasting romance. Although happily married couples may feel driven to distraction at times by their partner’s personality flaws, they still feel that the person they married is worthy of honor and respect. They cherish each other, which is critical to keeping their Sound Relationship House intact and preventing betrayal. If fondness and admiration are completely missing, reviving the relationship is impossible.
It is kept alive each time you let your spouse know he or she is valued during the grind of everyday life.
No one is right. There is no absolute reality in marital conflict, only two subjective ones. This is true whether the disagreement is solvable or perpetual.
informative
medium-paced
Easy read but had some great points about conflict. Provided lots of exercises to do with your spouse.
informative
reflective
If anything this book showed me how strong my marriage is. Great handbook for anyone looking to improve their marriage.
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
challenging
informative
reflective
medium-paced
I really learned a lot from this book! I borrowed my copy from the library but after reading it I realized that I need to purchase my own copy! It’s that good! One of the things I loved about it was that it wasn’t about putting men and women into two separate groups with a different set of rules to follow based on gender. Instead this book looked at how to practically show both partners respect, care, compassion, honor and love.
One part in particular I disagreed with. Particularly the encouragement to approach someone with a complaint using a “soft” start up. I do agree it’s important to approach your partner with respect and be gentle in the way it’s handled. But this method also encourages the person who is trying to bring up a problem to take responsibility for the part they played in something even if they didn’t really have a part at all. The example used was a man who forgot to pick up his kids from school. The wife was encouraged to apologize for not reminding him as she broached the conversation or look for another way to take some blame before moving forward with the complaint. I found it to be encouraging one to be manipulative in the way you approach someone to soften the blow of whatever complaint you have. I prefer to be direct and clear and I’m definitely not apologizing for something that I didn’t do to “butter” someone up.
All together though, I thoroughly enjoyed overall theme of the book which was that in order to have a successful marriage people need to go back to focusing on their friendship with eachother. There were a ton of practical assessments to do and exercises to follow up with. Read this one book! I’m at a good one!
One part in particular I disagreed with. Particularly the encouragement to approach someone with a complaint using a “soft” start up. I do agree it’s important to approach your partner with respect and be gentle in the way it’s handled. But this method also encourages the person who is trying to bring up a problem to take responsibility for the part they played in something even if they didn’t really have a part at all. The example used was a man who forgot to pick up his kids from school. The wife was encouraged to apologize for not reminding him as she broached the conversation or look for another way to take some blame before moving forward with the complaint. I found it to be encouraging one to be manipulative in the way you approach someone to soften the blow of whatever complaint you have. I prefer to be direct and clear and I’m definitely not apologizing for something that I didn’t do to “butter” someone up.
All together though, I thoroughly enjoyed overall theme of the book which was that in order to have a successful marriage people need to go back to focusing on their friendship with eachother. There were a ton of practical assessments to do and exercises to follow up with. Read this one book! I’m at a good one!
informative
medium-paced
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced