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informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
I read this book in 2017 and loved it - a research-based set of tools to answer an age-old question in the human condition: how to make intimate relationships work.
I reread it 5 years later and was surprised by how much more I learned. Although it is not intended as such, it's been really insightful to read this through the lens of my relationship not only with others (which in itself is extremely helpful) but also with myself. After all, one spends more time with oneself than anyone else, followed by their romantic partner. In particular, applying the learnings from this book has helped me become less critical of myself, more accepting of my personal shortcomings, more kind when I am hurt, better at sticking with my feelings instead of saying they're wrong, and more empathetic rather than defensive. I'd highly recommend to anyone, regardless of relationship status
I reread it 5 years later and was surprised by how much more I learned. Although it is not intended as such, it's been really insightful to read this through the lens of my relationship not only with others (which in itself is extremely helpful) but also with myself. After all, one spends more time with oneself than anyone else, followed by their romantic partner. In particular, applying the learnings from this book has helped me become less critical of myself, more accepting of my personal shortcomings, more kind when I am hurt, better at sticking with my feelings instead of saying they're wrong, and more empathetic rather than defensive. I'd highly recommend to anyone, regardless of relationship status
Always been fascinated by Gottman’s research but haven’t read his books before. I’m excited about the new book he just released so I thought I better read this one first.
At the start of the book I did some of the exercises with Matt and it actually initiated some really great conversations and opportunities for closeness.
But overall I learned what I already knew. I have a really great marriage. Matt and I already do a lot of the things the book suggests and avoid the common pitfalls most of the time. We are very lucky. It’s actually eye-opening to read about how contemptuous and toxic many marriages are. I can’t imagine living that way.
I do hope we can manage to carve more alone time for ourselves, especially now that we are parents of 2. I appreciated that Gottman says revolving the conversation around your kids when you’re alone is actually a good thing and shows that you’re a strong team who’ve approached parenthood as a unit. Matt and I often end up gabbing quite a bit about our son when we’re on a date. I’m gonna stop feeling guilty about that now!
At the start of the book I did some of the exercises with Matt and it actually initiated some really great conversations and opportunities for closeness.
But overall I learned what I already knew. I have a really great marriage. Matt and I already do a lot of the things the book suggests and avoid the common pitfalls most of the time. We are very lucky. It’s actually eye-opening to read about how contemptuous and toxic many marriages are. I can’t imagine living that way.
I do hope we can manage to carve more alone time for ourselves, especially now that we are parents of 2. I appreciated that Gottman says revolving the conversation around your kids when you’re alone is actually a good thing and shows that you’re a strong team who’ve approached parenthood as a unit. Matt and I often end up gabbing quite a bit about our son when we’re on a date. I’m gonna stop feeling guilty about that now!
informative
reflective
medium-paced
While this book provided me some insights, I feel it felt short of its promise.
It starts off great with science but slowly delves into takes that are increasingly gendered. There's also an emphasis on religion that rubs me the wrong way.
If you're looking for a book that helps you build a 90s-style relationship, this is the one. However, I believe we should set the bar higher and that we can do better than this.
It starts off great with science but slowly delves into takes that are increasingly gendered. There's also an emphasis on religion that rubs me the wrong way.
If you're looking for a book that helps you build a 90s-style relationship, this is the one. However, I believe we should set the bar higher and that we can do better than this.
informative
fast-paced
hopeful
informative
inspiring
slow-paced
informative
reflective
medium-paced
The book had a variety of useful tips, exercises, and heuristics to see if you could benefit from working deeply on each of its principles. To me many of the principles felt obvious and less groundbreaking than they might have been in 1999.
Its format as a workbook, to my mind, was greatly hampered by it being an audiobook which made a number of the activities/worksheets difficult to consume.
It also, likely due to the research subjects, has tips for a very normative family (hetrosexual monogamous with kids). I wouldn't recommend it as highly to someone who fit outside one or more of those categories..
Its format as a workbook, to my mind, was greatly hampered by it being an audiobook which made a number of the activities/worksheets difficult to consume.
It also, likely due to the research subjects, has tips for a very normative family (hetrosexual monogamous with kids). I wouldn't recommend it as highly to someone who fit outside one or more of those categories..
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
slow-paced
informative
slow-paced