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eceaydin94's review
5.0
Evli kadınlar, eşler, hayat arkadaşları, sevgililer, hepsi seçtikleri kişi tarafından onaylamak, derin ve karşılıklı bir bağı paylaşmak isterler. Böyle bir birliktelik birbirine tekrar tekrar bağlanmayı gerektirir. Garip bir şekilde, evliliği bir zamanlar sadece münzevi keşişlerden ve rahibelerden beklenen bir çeşit kendini adamayı gerektiren bir meslek olarak görecek noktaya gelebiliriz. Izlenecek fazla yol ve yordam yokken, bugün birinin eşi olmak gerçekten yaratıcılık isteyen bir girişim. Artık Virginia Woolf'un deyişiyle "annelerimiz gibi düşünmek" yetmiyor; ileriye bakıp kızlarımıza ve oğullarımıza nasıl bir evlilik mirası bırakmak istediğimizi kendimize sormalıyız.
atwoodian's review
3.75
Focuses primarily on western history but that was what I was interested in when I picked this up so that was a happy coincidence.
ameyawarde's review
4.0
Though at the end it got a little too heavy on modern history for my taste (much was very familiar already to anyone interested in gender politics), the rest of the book was very interesting, and my copy is now very highlighted. Like other reviewers mentioned, this should really be titled The History of the Western Wife, but I enjoyed seeing the progression of both the institution of marriage, and woman herself as a legally & socially independent, empowered entity from Ancient Roman/Greek/Biblical wives to the modern day. Would recommend for anyone anyone interested in history &/or gender studies & capable of reading something verging on academic writing style (but still very readable, imo).
diz_tn's review
4.0
A long, complex look at how culture has shaped the role of the wife, and how real women living in the wife role have in turn shaped culture.
In spite of the fact that there wasn't that much information in the book that was new to me, I still found it an interesting read. Putting everything in the context of history shed light on some of the more interesting women we get to read about.
In the first half of the book, Yalom was very careful to point out that we only have stories from women of a certain class, race, and/or religion, and that we shouldn't make too many assumptions about how women really lived as wives from those few anecdotes. However, in the later part of the book, as we get into more modern times, Yalom seems to have lost this caution. From my reading, it seems that she assumes the experiences of the cultural majority (usually white, middle-class, Judeo-Christian women) are the experiences to highlight, in spite of the fact that we now have numerous historical documents and evidence to show the lives of women in the minority. Granted, Yalom does give much space to the lives of black women for much of that. But once we get past the civil rights era, black women aren't as prominent. (Hispanic women, Muslim women, and modern Native American women don't even get a mention.)
Recommended for those interested in gender and cultural studies.
In spite of the fact that there wasn't that much information in the book that was new to me, I still found it an interesting read. Putting everything in the context of history shed light on some of the more interesting women we get to read about.
In the first half of the book, Yalom was very careful to point out that we only have stories from women of a certain class, race, and/or religion, and that we shouldn't make too many assumptions about how women really lived as wives from those few anecdotes. However, in the later part of the book, as we get into more modern times, Yalom seems to have lost this caution. From my reading, it seems that she assumes the experiences of the cultural majority (usually white, middle-class, Judeo-Christian women) are the experiences to highlight, in spite of the fact that we now have numerous historical documents and evidence to show the lives of women in the minority. Granted, Yalom does give much space to the lives of black women for much of that. But once we get past the civil rights era, black women aren't as prominent. (Hispanic women, Muslim women, and modern Native American women don't even get a mention.)
Recommended for those interested in gender and cultural studies.
erikars's review
4.0
This book describes the history of marriage as it relates to modern marriage in America. The lives of wives in the ancient world are examined by looking at wives in the Bible, Greek wives, and Roman wives. Yalom then marches on through history, examining Medieval Europe, early Protestant wives, republican wives in America and France, Victorian wives in England and the U.S. (including those on the frontier). She then gets into the more modern era and looks at the changing role of women and wives in the late 19th century and the history of issues such as sex, contraception, and abortion in the second half of the 19th century and the first half of the 20th. Finally, she looks at wives in WWII and briefly examines how the role of the wife has changed in the last 50 years.
The common theme of this book is that what it means to be a wife is always changing with time and with culture. The so-called traditional nuclear family of a mother homemaker, a father breadwinner, and a couple of children is actually no more common than many other modes of family life. Throughout history, there have been times and places where both parents have worked, where children were sent elsewhere once they reached a certain ages, and where the household was much more diverse (extended family, servants, apprentices, etc.). Sometimes women were assumed to be more full of sexual desires than men and sometimes women were assumed to be frigid towers of purity.
Marriage can be an economic relationship, a political relationship, or a emotional relationship. These days, we think that it should be primarily an emotional relationship, but throughout much of history, that idea was ridiculous; marriage was a way to solidify political ties or increase your economic worth. Over time, love became an important factor in choosing a spouse, but it is only recently (since women started becoming more independent, in fact) that love and personality became the primary factors when choosing a spouse.
Yalom also makes the point that what seem like modern issues about sex, contraception, and abortion actually have histories going back hundreds of years (and a public history going back about 150 years). The unequal sexual freedoms accepted for men and women have been the issue of private discussion many centuries, and women have always shared the secrets of contraception and medicinally induced abortions since at least the middle ages. Ancient cultures practiced infanticide, and while it was never approved, there were times when it was certainly ignored. What changed in the last 150 years is that this discussion has become public.
In short, the role of the wife is constantly evolving (as are the closely related issues of the husband, children, and sex). Acknowledging this is important; it shows the error in thinking that marriage is now corrupted and ruined and that marriages of the past fit some idealized perfect mold. Marriage has always been changing; marriages may be less stable today, but beating ones wife and children is no longer acceptable. It is neither going downhill nor approaching some ideal; like all human institutions, it is just changing in response to the world around it and will continue to do so.
The common theme of this book is that what it means to be a wife is always changing with time and with culture. The so-called traditional nuclear family of a mother homemaker, a father breadwinner, and a couple of children is actually no more common than many other modes of family life. Throughout history, there have been times and places where both parents have worked, where children were sent elsewhere once they reached a certain ages, and where the household was much more diverse (extended family, servants, apprentices, etc.). Sometimes women were assumed to be more full of sexual desires than men and sometimes women were assumed to be frigid towers of purity.
Marriage can be an economic relationship, a political relationship, or a emotional relationship. These days, we think that it should be primarily an emotional relationship, but throughout much of history, that idea was ridiculous; marriage was a way to solidify political ties or increase your economic worth. Over time, love became an important factor in choosing a spouse, but it is only recently (since women started becoming more independent, in fact) that love and personality became the primary factors when choosing a spouse.
Yalom also makes the point that what seem like modern issues about sex, contraception, and abortion actually have histories going back hundreds of years (and a public history going back about 150 years). The unequal sexual freedoms accepted for men and women have been the issue of private discussion many centuries, and women have always shared the secrets of contraception and medicinally induced abortions since at least the middle ages. Ancient cultures practiced infanticide, and while it was never approved, there were times when it was certainly ignored. What changed in the last 150 years is that this discussion has become public.
In short, the role of the wife is constantly evolving (as are the closely related issues of the husband, children, and sex). Acknowledging this is important; it shows the error in thinking that marriage is now corrupted and ruined and that marriages of the past fit some idealized perfect mold. Marriage has always been changing; marriages may be less stable today, but beating ones wife and children is no longer acceptable. It is neither going downhill nor approaching some ideal; like all human institutions, it is just changing in response to the world around it and will continue to do so.
mikecross's review
4.0
Very well written and researched. I appreciated how the author was able to go back and forth between the general and anecdotal.
emilielewis's review
4.0
Was this book the entire history of wifedom? No. Not sure if that's even possible within one volume. A history of the white Western European and early American wife would be a more fitting title. Still a phenomenal work, just don't expect any enlightenment outside the white Christian realm.
real_life_reading's review
5.0
While this book is academic in nature, it was actually didn't read like most traditional academic books to me. It was easy to get through and I didn't feel like I had to backtrack to recall any information like I usually would with this kind of book.
The book is insightful and I think masterfully works its' way through the history of the wife from Roman and Greek times to the present. There were times that it seemd the author got on a tangent more about women's history in general than the history of the wife, such as her chapter on World War II. She always came back, however, to how different circumstances and time periods affected the role of wife. It was very fascinating to see how the role of wife evolved, relapsed, and changed through history.
The only things I would say could be improved is that as she gets to the more recent past, she focuses almost exclusively on American wives' experiences, and leaves other countries and regions by the wayside. I would have liked to see the continued comparison between European wives and their American counterparts. Throughout the book, she also focuses more on upper and middle class wives; I would have liked to see more and hear more from the prospective of working class wives throughout history.
Of course, this book could have been thousands of pages long had she included every race and class and ethnicity of wife in great detail. For the length, I think Yalom did a very good job of depicting how the role of a wife has evolved.
The book is insightful and I think masterfully works its' way through the history of the wife from Roman and Greek times to the present. There were times that it seemd the author got on a tangent more about women's history in general than the history of the wife, such as her chapter on World War II. She always came back, however, to how different circumstances and time periods affected the role of wife. It was very fascinating to see how the role of wife evolved, relapsed, and changed through history.
The only things I would say could be improved is that as she gets to the more recent past, she focuses almost exclusively on American wives' experiences, and leaves other countries and regions by the wayside. I would have liked to see the continued comparison between European wives and their American counterparts. Throughout the book, she also focuses more on upper and middle class wives; I would have liked to see more and hear more from the prospective of working class wives throughout history.
Of course, this book could have been thousands of pages long had she included every race and class and ethnicity of wife in great detail. For the length, I think Yalom did a very good job of depicting how the role of a wife has evolved.