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bashsbooks's review against another edition
emotional
funny
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
Enjoyed this book well enough. It was a nice exploration of the difference between love and obsession, the dysfunction between mother and daughter strewn across cultures, and those cultures that the daughter feels stretched between.
I found the characters to be complex and well-fleshed, suited for the concepts they were exploring. I thought that who got names and who didn't was compelling and thought-provoking detail.
That said, I think that it was somewhat lacking in balance in the scenes in which it spent lots of time with versus the times and places it skipped through. And I felt like the thread of the Ledge and the mental health aspect fell out of the plot a bit awkwardly.
I found the characters to be complex and well-fleshed, suited for the concepts they were exploring. I thought that who got names and who didn't was compelling and thought-provoking detail.
That said, I think that it was somewhat lacking in balance in the scenes in which it spent lots of time with versus the times and places it skipped through. And I felt like the thread of the Ledge and the mental health aspect fell out of the plot a bit awkwardly.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Bullying, Misogyny, and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Biphobia, Sexual content, Racism, Alcohol, Lesbophobia, Xenophobia, and Colonisation
Minor: Drug abuse and Drug use
errie's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Eating disorder, Infidelity, Mental illness, Toxic relationship, and Toxic friendship
Moderate: Suicidal thoughts, Addiction, Sexual content, Alcohol, Drug use, Homophobia, Domestic abuse, Islamophobia, Pedophilia, Self harm, and Biphobia
reading__queerly's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
I’m so glad that I chose this book as my first read of 2024. The story is about a bisexual and Palestinian-American narrator who deals with an affliction termed a love addiction. In many of her relationships, she dwells on her attraction to her current fixation’s potentiality rather than their reality, often leading to obsession and then disappointment. At the same time, the narration consistently interweaves stories of the past with her present, entwining experiences of familial love, especially between her and her mother, with her current struggles. Her past gives a potential explanation for her affliction and the interconnection of narratives shows the relentless impact of history – both her own and her mother’s – on her present state as she confronts herself, enters treatment, and continues to live her life.
I liked how the story truly showed the narrator’s struggle with this affliction; she’s an unlikable and messy narrator for most of the book, and she doesn’t get better the moment she asks for help. Her mother is similarly flawed but humanized. The narrator comes to an understanding of the effects conflicts have had throughout her mother’s life, but that doesn’t excuse her cruel actions. As an LGBTQ+ person, the narrator’s continual desire for her mother’s love at the same time that she is hurt by her was really heart wrenching to read. Her mother’s parting words after she comes out – “Good luck finding someone to love you like I did” – have been echoing in my mind for days after finishing this read.
I liked how the story truly showed the narrator’s struggle with this affliction; she’s an unlikable and messy narrator for most of the book, and she doesn’t get better the moment she asks for help. Her mother is similarly flawed but humanized. The narrator comes to an understanding of the effects conflicts have had throughout her mother’s life, but that doesn’t excuse her cruel actions. As an LGBTQ+ person, the narrator’s continual desire for her mother’s love at the same time that she is hurt by her was really heart wrenching to read. Her mother’s parting words after she comes out – “Good luck finding someone to love you like I did” – have been echoing in my mind for days after finishing this read.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Toxic relationship, Biphobia, Eating disorder, and Sexual content
Moderate: Addiction
binevolentbookworm's review against another edition
dark
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
“It is a bizarre and unsettling feeling, to exist in a liminal state between two realms, unable to attain full access to one or the other.”
i finally got around to reading this book and many have shared incredible and varying reviews, so this is less a formal review of mine, and more the feelings it dredged up for me articulated. (this is more personal than i usually get, so i thank you for endeavoring and enduring.)
–
i hear all of the time from friends, readers, movie goers, etc., “the main character was very unlikeable, but i liked her.”
so what is it about these people, most often women, who fit into the “unlikeable” character trope that makes us still, in the end, like them? i found myself contemplating this while reading YOU EXIST TOO MUCH, where the unnamed main character, a twenty something american palestinian woman, struggles with the “liminal state” of her identity and belonging; contributing to her self-destructivism, constant breaking of moral codes and only sometimes showing remorse (but only when she’s caught), along with her journey of healing. i got to about half way through the book and made a note in my reading journal here, “everyone talks about what an unlikable character she is, but i actually like her. i see some of my own behaviors reflected back at me, opening me up to forgiving myself for who i was in my early 20s.”
i wonder, when we read these books, or see these characters in tv, are we simply feeding into a voyeuristic nature? the parts of ourselves that enjoy bad reality television, rubbernecking, watching someone hurt themselves for the laugh (because yes, i am but a millennial who grew up watching jackass). is reading about self-destructing characters, or unlikeable women, the “safe” way to feed into that desire and, in turn, feel that we haven’t compromised our own morality?
i find, from a personal stance, that in many of these characters and their stories, i see etchings of my own weak moments, my own flaws, the most difficult parts of my own human nature reflected back at me. and while what makes these characters unlikable is flagrant, the circumstances often bizarre and over the top – the offenses not exactly as i have done or would actually do – they are still reminiscent, echos of moments i’m not proud of.
at first, all we see is a debauched, or maybe gross, apathetic character - someone who makes so many of the wrong decisions, hurts people seemingly with no mind of the outcome, but over the course of these stories, we are also given a framework for this, allowed a look into their mind in the midst of the pages, and we can step back, see the how and the why of these characters and their identities. sometimes they are given redemption arcs and we have the opportunity to forgive, and sometimes we’re left wanting, the end 'living rent free' in our minds, and we’re never in control of that, but we are in control of our own narrative.
in YOU EXIST TOO MUCH much of the main character’s exact experiences were unlike my own and quite frankly, she needed therapy beyond a month long stint in love addiction rehab, but i still found myself drawn to empathy and compassion, despite her constant actions to provoke otherwise, because she reflected back at me some of my darker thoughts and moments in life. it made me see that i am growing into enjoying reading these stories, and allowing space for these flawed characters to work up the more uncomfortable feelings in myself.
if you enjoyed this book, and want to read more books featuring unlikeable women, i recommend Luster, Milk Fed, and Nevada. bonus, if you want to take a break from reading - watch Fleabag!
–
if you enjoyed this book, and want to read more books featuring unlikeable women, i recommend Luster, Milk Fed, and Nevada. bonus, if you want to take a break from reading - watch Fleabag!
–
other notes:
if you haven’t read this, check the CW.
i recognize that this book is written within the diasporic context and experience of an american palestinian woman, and while i chose to focus on the aspect of her unlikeability, it is important to note that the character's experience is influenced heavily by this fact. this is not the book that will educate you on the history of palestine. i applaud zaina arafat for having written this book in such a way that expects readers to have an understanding of palestinian history, and does not spoon feed the reader information that they should already know. i am glad i put off reading this until now, because in truth, i did not know much about the history of palestine prior to october.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Toxic relationship, Eating disorder, Alcoholism, Emotional abuse, Outing, Domestic abuse, and Sexual content
Minor: War
gabyhat's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.0
Content Warnings
Moderate: Sexual content, Homophobia, Islamophobia, and Toxic relationship
Minor: Death, Gaslighting, and Alcohol
ebscaggs's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
reflective
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
A thoroughly lovable main character that simultaneously doesn’t shy away from making BAD decisions. human.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Violence, Homophobia, War, Sexual content, and Xenophobia
Minor: Genocide
kcjulia's review against another edition
challenging
dark
sad
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
A messy, volatile coming-of-age story.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, and Homophobia
kathleenivy's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.25
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Infidelity, Biphobia, Eating disorder, and Emotional abuse
Moderate: Racial slurs, Toxic relationship, Homophobia, Islamophobia, Sexual content, Lesbophobia, Panic attacks/disorders, Death, Colonisation, Adult/minor relationship, Alcohol, Mental illness, and Religious bigotry
Minor: Drug abuse, Genocide, Racism, Alcoholism, and Outing
amandalorianxo's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.75
For those of us that have distant and puzzling connections with our mothers, this one is for us. Oftentimes, the protagonist is close to her mother but not her father. Life doesn’t always work out that day. This book is hopefully one of more that explores the topic of mothers and daughters not getting along due to the unresolved trauma the matriarch never was given a chance to cope / deal with. We follow a young Palestinian woman as she navigates life while struggling to be on her mother’s good graces. It’s hard to want to please and be what your family wants you to be when you feel like you aren’t being true to yourself at your core. This is what our MC is experiencing. I’ll admit the non linear, back and forth abrupt shifts in the timeline felt a little confusing. One moment we’re learning background about the MC’s mother and next we are discovering another decision she made that doesn’t turn out in her favor. Overall, this really does shine light on a variety of topics including generational trauma, the impact of displaced Palestinians, being queer, looking for love in everyone but using that to fulfill the love your mother never gave you.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Sexual content
Minor: Eating disorder, Biphobia, Homophobia, and Racism
abitbetterbooks's review
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Toxic friendship, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Alcohol, Sexual content, Biphobia, and Colonisation
Moderate: Domestic abuse, Islamophobia, Mental illness, Racism, Violence, and Self harm