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166 reviews for:
Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
Susan Forward
4.13 AVERAGE
166 reviews for:
Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
Susan Forward
4.13 AVERAGE
concise, terrifying, useful and to the point. i feel that the first part, dedicated to the various types of toxic parenting and its (predictably horrifying), has became more or less general, facebook-level knowledge by now (which is good, or would be good, if it helped), but the second part, dedicated to dealing with these effects in therapy, was interesting and new to me. forward advocates confronting the parents to move forwards, and provides a nicely detailed, almost ritualized guide for doing so, along, of course, with a lot of therapeutic support and framing. in the real life the effects probably vary and depend, but it was still very good to read, know and consider.
Completely transformed my mindset. Recommend to EVERYONE, regardless of whether they’ve suffered with toxic parents or not.
“Most adult children of toxic parents grow up feeling tremendous confusion about what love means and how it’s supposed to feel. Their parents did extremely unloving things to them in the name of love. They came to understand love as something chaotic, dramatic, confusing, and often painful—something they had to give up their own dreams and desires for. Obviously, that’s not what love is all about. Loving behaviour doesn’t grind you down, keep you off balance, or create feelings of self-hatred. Love doesn’t hurt, it feels good. Loving behaviour nourishes your emotional well-being. When someone is being loving to you, you feel accepted, cared for, valued, and respected. Genuine love creates feelings of warmth, pleasure, safety, stability, and inner peace.”
This book had some definite “a-ha” moments for me. The first half of the book is about finding out what a toxic parent is and various different examples are provided.
The second half of the book is about addressing toxic parents and essentially how to move forward in your relationship if at all.
I am very thankful to have someone in my life that has helped heal me and prove to be emotionally supportive and help me to realize what a loving relationship should be like. I’m sure it wasn’t easy, as I myself, was toxic, having learned from example.
I have also had my own version of the 2nd half of the book when I finally addressed my issues vocally and spoken my own truth to one of my parents. While it wasn’t the parent I needed to speak with, it was a huge step about setting boundaries and becoming my own adult self and approval is not needed. Hopefully I will be brave enough to have that conversation that is much needed.
This book had some definite “a-ha” moments for me. The first half of the book is about finding out what a toxic parent is and various different examples are provided.
The second half of the book is about addressing toxic parents and essentially how to move forward in your relationship if at all.
I am very thankful to have someone in my life that has helped heal me and prove to be emotionally supportive and help me to realize what a loving relationship should be like. I’m sure it wasn’t easy, as I myself, was toxic, having learned from example.
I have also had my own version of the 2nd half of the book when I finally addressed my issues vocally and spoken my own truth to one of my parents. While it wasn’t the parent I needed to speak with, it was a huge step about setting boundaries and becoming my own adult self and approval is not needed. Hopefully I will be brave enough to have that conversation that is much needed.
Excellent book that arrived at the right time in my life. Alot of gems in this one.
I wasn't going to make my completion of this book public. I thought it would be an insult to my parents if I did. Then I realized that it would be an injustice to others who may need to read this book, but dont know it exists, if I didn't. Not to mention doing things to please or placate my parents is one of the many reasons why I needed to read it in the first place soooo....fuck it! lol
The book is exactly what the title implies. A book to help those end the vicious cycle of self-loathing, low self esteem, and poor self image through facing the most intense, emotional, and largest demon in their lives....their inadequate parents. Some people will reply by saying oh my parents weren't THAT bad, or mine did the best they could with what they had, and disregard even thinking they may need to read this literature. I'm here to tell you that you are the #1 person who needs to read this book. One example of why I needed to read it, an inability to care enough about myself and my self worth; putting everyone and everything before me to the point of self distruction. Not being able to solve my own issues because I thought they were insignificant compared to everyone elses. That is a result of not being told my feelings were important as a child. Who would have put that result with that cause?
While my case was not the most extreme, there are subtle things that were done that made reading this necessary. I have the sincerest and most abundant gratitude for the person who brought this book to my attention. I was in denial at first, and extremely terrified of the truth, but I realize it was 100% necessary. I already feel better, having read it, and knowning that I can correct the damage done.
Here's a quote of hope from the end of the book:
....You will never be totally free of anxiety, fear, guilt, and confusion. No one is. But these demons will no longer control you. that is the key.
As you gain more control over your past and present relationship with your parents, you will discover that your other relationships, especially your relationship with yourself, will improve dramatically. You will have the freedom, perhaps for the first time, to enjoy your own life.
The book is exactly what the title implies. A book to help those end the vicious cycle of self-loathing, low self esteem, and poor self image through facing the most intense, emotional, and largest demon in their lives....their inadequate parents. Some people will reply by saying oh my parents weren't THAT bad, or mine did the best they could with what they had, and disregard even thinking they may need to read this literature. I'm here to tell you that you are the #1 person who needs to read this book. One example of why I needed to read it, an inability to care enough about myself and my self worth; putting everyone and everything before me to the point of self distruction. Not being able to solve my own issues because I thought they were insignificant compared to everyone elses. That is a result of not being told my feelings were important as a child. Who would have put that result with that cause?
While my case was not the most extreme, there are subtle things that were done that made reading this necessary. I have the sincerest and most abundant gratitude for the person who brought this book to my attention. I was in denial at first, and extremely terrified of the truth, but I realize it was 100% necessary. I already feel better, having read it, and knowning that I can correct the damage done.
Here's a quote of hope from the end of the book:
....You will never be totally free of anxiety, fear, guilt, and confusion. No one is. But these demons will no longer control you. that is the key.
As you gain more control over your past and present relationship with your parents, you will discover that your other relationships, especially your relationship with yourself, will improve dramatically. You will have the freedom, perhaps for the first time, to enjoy your own life.
I didn’t feel great while reading this book, I felt sad for everyone and angry, it also made me cry and made me wonder why people do these things, why can’t they think before doing horrible things to others. It’s still a bit hard to understand, but we just have to accept it, there’s nothing else we can do about it. Make peace with everyone we can and most important with ourselves. I still have to complete the exercises, i’m looking forward to see if I will make myself feel better, if i’ll ever “forget” or fully accept my horrible past and move on to a better future where I know I am able to control my life and do what I want/like. Hopefully everyone who is reading this book will find it helpful and will help them through their journey of healing.
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
It feels weird to consider writing a proper review of a book like this, so I'll just say that while not all of it applied to me, the parts that did were comforting, empowering, and useful.
This book is filled with information on various types of toxic parents and how their actions can affect their child's adulthood. I picked this up hoping to have more information on the aftereffects of cutting of a toxic parent, but there wasn't much information on that. I think this book would be wonderful for anyone starting their journey on analyzing and initiating a change in their relationship with toxic parents. Being at the end of my journey, it didn't offer me a whole lot, but I still thought it was a good book to start with.