Take a photo of a barcode or cover
I was so hesitant to pick up this book. I wanted to read it because it's about an FTM transgendered person, but I was worried it would be awfully portrayed and totally misrepresent what transgendered people go through internally. Some of the reviews also concerned me, bringing up major flaws for something that was supposed to be so LGBT-centered. But when I read it, those "major flaws" were so small and briefly mentioned that it wasn't nearly as concerning as the reviews made them to seem.
I was so relieved that the emotional and psychological struggle J went through was so accurately portrayed. Even the outward struggle was well done. Most of the battle is an internal thing, trying to figure out where on the "gender spectrum" you actually fit and how much your physical body matches what that is. But when people don't understand what it feels like, when they don't understand how you can feel wrong in your own body, or mistake it for something else like intersex, it's humiliating and frustrating. It's so hard to talk about without tears when people get upset or angry at you, asking you why you have to change and why they haven't been good enough to keep you from causing these problems. It's easy enough to say I've always been this way, I'm not changing at all to yourself, because to yourself, it makes sense. But how do you explain feeling like a man in a female's body when everyone around you is a woman in a woman's body or a man in a man's body? When they have no idea what it feels like to be physically sick having to look at yourself in the mirror, or wanting to curl up and hide from the world that god awful one week of the month when something so wrong and disgusting is happening and you can't stop it?
"Couldn't his mother see he was dying inside his own skin?"
Despite the fact that this was a teen book, the depth of the characters, particularly J's family, were amazing. I don't know too much about LGBT community, especially in the States, but Carolina and Manny's reactions were so realistic it made me want to cry for J. When you've felt like a son your whole life and the parent who you have looked up to and wanted to be for so long refuses to call you anything but his daughter, it's heart breaking. Parents are supposed to love their children no matter what. Why is a daughter any different from a son? Why does gender affect how proud a parent is? I just wish it wasn't a sad reality that so many LGBT teens had parents and friends who don't (or worse, refuse to) try to understand what we go through. The happy ending for this book is very needed. It can give other LGBT teens hope that maybe things don't have to turn out so bad. They aren't alone and at least someone somewhere will understand and be willing to help them through. It's only a brush across the surface of the issue, but it's a really good way to introduce yourself to the topic and what all transgendered people go through.
"When I was a baby, I didn't hate myself. I only started when I learned I was a girl. A sadness trailed through J's belly like a thick steam; he felt queasy. I learned to hate my body because of other people."
Two instances that particularly resonated with me were wanting the testosterone and the he/she pronoun use. T is not the magic drug many people think it is. But it still solves so many problems. Where I live, you're supposed to have been doing the "real life test" for at least a year before you can get approved for testosterone. But how can you pass when you can't bind your chest flat enough and you sound like a girl no matter how low you try to force your voice or how baggy your clothes are? You can't pass without it but you need to pass in order to get it. And the he/she pronouns. The first time your effort pulls off and you hear he and realize someone is talking about you, the feeling of elation you get is life saving.
"He, J--yes--he, that glorious pronoun, he had been J on a new corner, in a new Starbucks, with a new name and a new body but the selfsame soul, talking--actually talking--to other people, who believed he was a boy."
I was so relieved that the emotional and psychological struggle J went through was so accurately portrayed. Even the outward struggle was well done. Most of the battle is an internal thing, trying to figure out where on the "gender spectrum" you actually fit and how much your physical body matches what that is. But when people don't understand what it feels like, when they don't understand how you can feel wrong in your own body, or mistake it for something else like intersex, it's humiliating and frustrating. It's so hard to talk about without tears when people get upset or angry at you, asking you why you have to change and why they haven't been good enough to keep you from causing these problems. It's easy enough to say I've always been this way, I'm not changing at all to yourself, because to yourself, it makes sense. But how do you explain feeling like a man in a female's body when everyone around you is a woman in a woman's body or a man in a man's body? When they have no idea what it feels like to be physically sick having to look at yourself in the mirror, or wanting to curl up and hide from the world that god awful one week of the month when something so wrong and disgusting is happening and you can't stop it?
"Couldn't his mother see he was dying inside his own skin?"
Despite the fact that this was a teen book, the depth of the characters, particularly J's family, were amazing. I don't know too much about LGBT community, especially in the States, but Carolina and Manny's reactions were so realistic it made me want to cry for J. When you've felt like a son your whole life and the parent who you have looked up to and wanted to be for so long refuses to call you anything but his daughter, it's heart breaking. Parents are supposed to love their children no matter what. Why is a daughter any different from a son? Why does gender affect how proud a parent is? I just wish it wasn't a sad reality that so many LGBT teens had parents and friends who don't (or worse, refuse to) try to understand what we go through. The happy ending for this book is very needed. It can give other LGBT teens hope that maybe things don't have to turn out so bad. They aren't alone and at least someone somewhere will understand and be willing to help them through. It's only a brush across the surface of the issue, but it's a really good way to introduce yourself to the topic and what all transgendered people go through.
"When I was a baby, I didn't hate myself. I only started when I learned I was a girl. A sadness trailed through J's belly like a thick steam; he felt queasy. I learned to hate my body because of other people."
Two instances that particularly resonated with me were wanting the testosterone and the he/she pronoun use. T is not the magic drug many people think it is. But it still solves so many problems. Where I live, you're supposed to have been doing the "real life test" for at least a year before you can get approved for testosterone. But how can you pass when you can't bind your chest flat enough and you sound like a girl no matter how low you try to force your voice or how baggy your clothes are? You can't pass without it but you need to pass in order to get it. And the he/she pronouns. The first time your effort pulls off and you hear he and realize someone is talking about you, the feeling of elation you get is life saving.
"He, J--yes--he, that glorious pronoun, he had been J on a new corner, in a new Starbucks, with a new name and a new body but the selfsame soul, talking--actually talking--to other people, who believed he was a boy."
I'm a bit torn on this book. I don't really know how to feel about it. I've read a few less positive reviews here and some of the things hit a nail on the head but at the same time I feel like some of those things are misinterpreted.
I've seen people mention that J's anger whenever he was thought of as lesbian. I actually identified with those feelings, being constantly misidentified is pretty harmful and it hits pretty hard when you're also not cis. In this case, he was being misgendered and misidentified with just one word. I've been there. However, I do agree with the fact that there are a few sexist comments that come out of him throughout the book that I'm also unable to pass and accept it as just him being hurt.
I also have issues with the way mental illnesses are portrayed and talked about in the book, they are definitely not the best.
It's always really hard for me to rate books that have main characters who belong to a minority. I always tend to go one of two ways. I either am extremely strict with the content or I look passed problematic issues. So, I think I will never be unbiased when it comes to these topics.
I've seen people mention that J's anger whenever he was thought of as lesbian. I actually identified with those feelings, being constantly misidentified is pretty harmful and it hits pretty hard when you're also not cis. In this case, he was being misgendered and misidentified with just one word. I've been there. However, I do agree with the fact that there are a few sexist comments that come out of him throughout the book that I'm also unable to pass and accept it as just him being hurt.
I also have issues with the way mental illnesses are portrayed and talked about in the book, they are definitely not the best.
It's always really hard for me to rate books that have main characters who belong to a minority. I always tend to go one of two ways. I either am extremely strict with the content or I look passed problematic issues. So, I think I will never be unbiased when it comes to these topics.
This was a really great book, though I'm kinda confused if they're dating or not at the end, but yeah, really great book!
Read this book because I'm writing a sci-fi novel with a transgender element. It was an interesting read, highlighting areas of the transition that I hadn't thought about. Overall I enjoyed the book, although I felt in some areas the book stalled on an issue, and other areas, like the ending, went way too fast.
Much better book about the plight of transgender teens than Almost Perfect, the last like that I read. While I appreciated what its purpose was (trying to bring the discussion of transgender teens and the struggles they face more to the forefront), I Am Jay really hit more of the right notes, I thought. Note: As I'm reading more reviews, people are bringing up very valid critiques of this book. I didn't necessarily miss these, but I got caught up in the portrayal of J's transition. But these are very valid critiques and should be addressed. There are quite a few homophobic comments and moments where J is unconcerned about some variety of sexual violence or assault. You could chalk some of this up to his ignorance (at the beginning of the book he doesn't even know what the word transgender means) and his own fears at being labeled, but having said that, these comments maybe could have been addressed in such a way ("I realize now it was my own fears that made me look at gay people that way," for example). Instead, they were just kind of left there. All people in the LGBTQIA spectrum are worthy of kindness, acceptance, and humanity, and I think that at this stage books on this topic should try their best to reflect that.
I Am J is about and narrated by a transgender boy, J, figuring out what he wants and beginning to attain that. At the beginning of the book, J just knows he is a boy. (And, side note, thank you so much to the author for consistently using those pronouns from the beginning in J's head. I loved the consistency.) He has known he's really a boy since he was three or four, and has been doing everything in his limited knowledge and capability to be that boy he feels he is. When we meet him, he doesn't have much knowledge or language. The audience gets to watch the discovery of a language and a group and a place and I can't imagine but that would be helpful if you were a transgender teen reading this and trying to figure out what you wanted to do or how to achieve your needs. I do realize that this book was originally published a while ago and that transgender issues have come more to the forefront since then, but that doesn't mean this book won't be useful or isn't still necessary.
This book also uses the plot to address specific questions about transgender people and relationships between transgender people and the people in their life trying also to come to terms with it. For example, J's best friend, his mom, etc. often accuse him of being gay because he's attracted to women. But if he's really a man, he's straight. And he points that out, often. His parents struggle with it and lie more to each and to him than he does to them. He runs away and finds a shelter, but his parents didn't want him to run away. They didn't disown him and this is the part that broke my heart the most. He ran away thinking it would be best, that they wouldn't understand him, but he didn't really give them a chance and they didn't want him to run away. Yes, his mom ultimately ends up sending him to live with a friend for a while as they process, but that's super different than wanting your child to be completely out of your life, especially when you're actually looking for them and want them and can't find them. It hurt. I know there are lots of LGBTQIA kids who do get disowned, thrown out of their own homes, even threatened or hurt by their own parents. I do. But I worry that some of them are situations like this, where everyone is hurting and no one knows what to do, so stuff happens and it's not necessarily the right choice, especially if everyone got a little more courage and simply talked to one another. I hope kids reading this book choose to talk first. I hope they can take courage from this book and talk to their parents. And I hope they find acceptance. I know they won't always, and I know it takes a lot of courage to talk about something this serious, personal, and often controversial with parents, but these are my hopes.
Other things I liked: I appreciated that it did mention Melissa's cutting, as well. I appreciate that that storyline came to a head and got a resolution, even if it was, by necessity, shallower than J's resolution. I appreciate that J got into college and had a positive future. I appreciate that the college was really understanding of his situation. I appreciate that he found support. I appreciate that he got angry and had a bright, vibrant array of emotions.
Also, I really shipped J and Zack. I can't really see that becoming something and it probably wouldn't be appropriate (is it really love or just hero-worship? I don't know) but I still shipped it. Having said that, probably my favorite thing was when J realized he didn't need a romantic relationship to "complete" his life and how Zack and Philip the therapist really focused on how there are no genuine magical solutions that will fix all of your problems in a single moment.
All in all, I thought this was a much better book for transgender teens. I think my favorite is still Luna (because I cried with that one, alone except for the cleaning crew in the NAU chemistry building, having read it in a single sitting, so absorbed was I), but this was much, much better than Almost Perfect and ultimately just a good book.
I Am J is about and narrated by a transgender boy, J, figuring out what he wants and beginning to attain that. At the beginning of the book, J just knows he is a boy. (And, side note, thank you so much to the author for consistently using those pronouns from the beginning in J's head. I loved the consistency.) He has known he's really a boy since he was three or four, and has been doing everything in his limited knowledge and capability to be that boy he feels he is. When we meet him, he doesn't have much knowledge or language. The audience gets to watch the discovery of a language and a group and a place and I can't imagine but that would be helpful if you were a transgender teen reading this and trying to figure out what you wanted to do or how to achieve your needs. I do realize that this book was originally published a while ago and that transgender issues have come more to the forefront since then, but that doesn't mean this book won't be useful or isn't still necessary.
This book also uses the plot to address specific questions about transgender people and relationships between transgender people and the people in their life trying also to come to terms with it. For example, J's best friend, his mom, etc. often accuse him of being gay because he's attracted to women. But if he's really a man, he's straight. And he points that out, often. His parents struggle with it and lie more to each and to him than he does to them. He runs away and finds a shelter, but his parents didn't want him to run away. They didn't disown him and this is the part that broke my heart the most. He ran away thinking it would be best, that they wouldn't understand him, but he didn't really give them a chance and they didn't want him to run away. Yes, his mom ultimately ends up sending him to live with a friend for a while as they process, but that's super different than wanting your child to be completely out of your life, especially when you're actually looking for them and want them and can't find them. It hurt. I know there are lots of LGBTQIA kids who do get disowned, thrown out of their own homes, even threatened or hurt by their own parents. I do. But I worry that some of them are situations like this, where everyone is hurting and no one knows what to do, so stuff happens and it's not necessarily the right choice, especially if everyone got a little more courage and simply talked to one another. I hope kids reading this book choose to talk first. I hope they can take courage from this book and talk to their parents. And I hope they find acceptance. I know they won't always, and I know it takes a lot of courage to talk about something this serious, personal, and often controversial with parents, but these are my hopes.
Other things I liked: I appreciated that it did mention Melissa's cutting, as well. I appreciate that that storyline came to a head and got a resolution, even if it was, by necessity, shallower than J's resolution. I appreciate that J got into college and had a positive future. I appreciate that the college was really understanding of his situation. I appreciate that he found support. I appreciate that he got angry and had a bright, vibrant array of emotions.
Also, I really shipped J and Zack. I can't really see that becoming something and it probably wouldn't be appropriate (is it really love or just hero-worship? I don't know) but I still shipped it. Having said that, probably my favorite thing was when J realized he didn't need a romantic relationship to "complete" his life and how Zack and Philip the therapist really focused on how there are no genuine magical solutions that will fix all of your problems in a single moment.
All in all, I thought this was a much better book for transgender teens. I think my favorite is still Luna (because I cried with that one, alone except for the cleaning crew in the NAU chemistry building, having read it in a single sitting, so absorbed was I), but this was much, much better than Almost Perfect and ultimately just a good book.
A journey of J, who was born female, but knows she is a boy. She is not a lesbian, but she is a boy. Two different characteristic needs to be distinguished. This book tells about identity complexity which really is insightful. The main character, J, is on her journey to unfold her true identity by turning herself to the gender she has been living. I really appreciate the book as transgender issues are rarely brought into teenlit. It's a nice easy read with the whole new perspective.
Such a powerful story of what identity means and how it isn't easily defined, as nothing in life can be easily defined. It started slow but by the end I was hooked. This one will stay with me for awhile.
A nice, instructive tale about a likeable FtM trans teen. It was pleasantly didactic, without being boring. "Here is what happens when you try to get testosterone as a minor." or "Here is how to make a chest binder from items you can get at the drugstore". Beam conveyed a lot of crucial information through the character of J, but also created a interesting protagonist with realistic relationships. I particularly enjoyed how his self-centered friend missed the point and tried to take over J's life story for an art piece. J's sense of himself as an artist was also nicely handled.
emotional
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes