Reviews

Skip a Bit, Brother

Columbus Day is an introduction to the Expeditionary Force sci-fi universe, and it's slow. It's barely science-fiction to start, beginning with present-day first contact with an alien species. We spend time waiting for human society to grow up, recognize its place in the cosmos, and slowly upgrade its technology. To add insult to injury, the sole narrator is an American ground pounder who constantly reminds us of his simple origins and lack of ambition, all the while narrating with an aw-shucks attitude. The charicature of a down-to-earth, non-intellectual everyman is almost comically laughable.

I'm being unfair, but those two points produced a wall that I needed to overcome, without quite knowing what's on the other side. How could this mediocre slog be worth (as of 2023) fourteen additional novels?

And then I got it. Halfway into the novel and the story truly began. The back-half is everything I wanted: a universe to explore and spaceships getting you there, fantastical alien beings and lots of advanced technology. The cast's military background does mean all technology results in pew-pew battles, but like the best books of this subgenre, fighting a war requires you to be solving problems that Alexander the Great would recognize: logistics, tactics, morale etc. It was an incredible ride that pulled no punches, and now I'm ready for the next book.

There's a universe where an editor recognized what's special about Columbus Day, and helped the author cut through the slog that was the first half of this book. We didn't get that universe. Here's my advice: skim, slash and skip through the first-half of this book. There's gold on the other side, and you'll know it when you see it.

Recommended with reservations.

Spoiler

The following is in spoiler tags, and I say so since some Goodreads clients may not respect it. You've been warned:

Obviously I'm talking about Skippy, the outside-context problem that metaphorically rescues this novel while actually rescuing the cast and all of humanity. Until he shows up, the novel is a boring slog that was designed to prepare you for the moment he's rescued. All the clues of Elders, and explainations of wormholes, alien politics, client races etc.

There's almost two books here, where Joe leaves Earth as part of the UNEF and realizes they're slaves in all but name, and the second where Joe is drawn to Skippy and it's time to save the world. The latter is an adventure, almost like Flash Gordon, with a layer of military realism. The former is a boring documentary of peacekeeping in SPACEEEEEE.

I leave you with this quote from Monty Python:

Arthur: Consult the Book of Armaments!

Brother Maynard: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one.

Second Brother: And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy."
And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--

Brother Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother