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wart's review
1.0
1.5 stars
There are quite a few good ideas here - the fantasy element could have been really interesting if developed a bit more, same with the relationships, the characters, and the De Vries issue.
But this story was really poorly written. It's almost entirely telling rather than showing with frequent summarizing of events. The dialogue was painful to read. The characters just kind of were, I didn't feel like there was any connection to them.
So, with a lot of work, this could be really great. Unfortunately, as is, it...isn't...
ETA: If you're just coming here to tell me that I'm ungrateful, please don't. I'm glad Roger was inspired by my prompt, I'm thankful to him for taking the time to write something based on it, but that doesn't mean I have to be dishonest about how I feel about his story.
But this story was really poorly written. It's almost entirely telling rather than showing with frequent summarizing of events. The dialogue was painful to read. The characters just kind of were, I didn't feel like there was any connection to them.
So, with a lot of work, this could be really great. Unfortunately, as is, it...isn't...
ETA: If you're just coming here to tell me that I'm ungrateful, please don't. I'm glad Roger was inspired by my prompt, I'm thankful to him for taking the time to write something based on it, but that doesn't mean I have to be dishonest about how I feel about his story.
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