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3.84 AVERAGE
3.84 AVERAGE
This is an engaging yet heartbreaking story of love, endurance, struggle, illness , death and life. Thank you Joyce Maynard for filling the pages with your and Jim's story. There could be no more fitting tribute.
I enjoyed much of this book but felt it was much longer than necessary and found myself wanting to skip pages/passages.
This memoir must have been incredibly difficult to write. It's a story of being 'independent,' and learning to be interdependent with a partner through a great romance, a short marriage, and tragic loss.
Before the author met her husband Jim, in her late fifties, she thought she was done with love and romance. She introduces us to life before Jim, their relationship, the difficulties with their children that they encounter, and their marriage. But, just after their one-year wedding anniversary, Jim was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
During the nineteen months that followed, as they battled his illness together, she discovered for the first time what it meant to be a couple with the person who always had her back. She certainly had Jim's and although they had difficult times, they pursued prolonging his life together.
The description of these nineteen months is very open, honest and the author shows a great deal of vulnerability in sharing her reactions and thoughts during this time.
What I liked was the realistic way she dealt with the horrible news, the ways they both coped, and the friendships they developed with the pancreatic cancer community.
Her memoir doesn't make her out to be a saint or a sinner, just a woman in love with her husband who fought for one more day with the love of her life.
The ARC of this book was provided by NetGalley for an honest review.
Before the author met her husband Jim, in her late fifties, she thought she was done with love and romance. She introduces us to life before Jim, their relationship, the difficulties with their children that they encounter, and their marriage. But, just after their one-year wedding anniversary, Jim was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
During the nineteen months that followed, as they battled his illness together, she discovered for the first time what it meant to be a couple with the person who always had her back. She certainly had Jim's and although they had difficult times, they pursued prolonging his life together.
The description of these nineteen months is very open, honest and the author shows a great deal of vulnerability in sharing her reactions and thoughts during this time.
What I liked was the realistic way she dealt with the horrible news, the ways they both coped, and the friendships they developed with the pancreatic cancer community.
Her memoir doesn't make her out to be a saint or a sinner, just a woman in love with her husband who fought for one more day with the love of her life.
The ARC of this book was provided by NetGalley for an honest review.
Sometimes you find a book, or the book finds you, at exactly the right moment. Such was this book for me. Full of love, honesty and achingly painful, this book touched so many points of experience--the pain of diagnosis, the decision to die--and it still makes me want to believe in love.
This memoir is about the author’s marriage to a wonderful man named Jim. It is a sad love story—after their wedding, Jim is diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and within two years has died.
The first half, the “before” part, covers the courtship and love affair, with info on their back stories.
Ms. Maynard is honest, which I always appreciate in an autobiography. It’s a mixed blessing, though. At times, she comes across as an annoying show off. There is a ridiculous story of her attending a music festival, staking out spots at various stages ahead of time, then racing from one show to the next, pushing through crowds, claiming the space. I find that rude, but maybe passionate appreciation of one’s favorite bands supersedes common courtesy. Visiting with family in New Hampshire, she dramatically pulls off her clothes and jumps in a lake. At her wedding reception, there is an unsettling scene of her doing some zany, solo interpretive dance.
That said, the author is the first to admit her personality is a bit much and realizes, without malice, some people find her hard to deal with. That is why Jim is a perfect match for her. He loves her exactly as she is. He lets her be the boss of the kitchen, accepts that she is always coming or going.
Jim has his own baggage. A legal career that peaked awhile back. Problematic relationships with his adult children. Ms. Maynard graciously steps lightly around it. One son seems like a grudge holding asshole, but who knows.
Ms. Maynard can go toe to toe with anyone’s past failures. She carries much bitterness about her first marriage, 25 years earlier, mentioning more than once that the ex now lives at the New Hampshire farm she bought with her money.
More recently, she adopted, and then rehomed, two Ethiopian sisters. It is a bewildering story. In the same way she cruises internet real estate ads, and buys a house sight unseen, she found an Ethiopian adoption agency, and a few months later she was on a plane tobuy meet the kids.
The author acknowledges what a misguided disaster it was. Adoption is an inherently traumatic experience for the child, and her fantasy that she could love through troubles was quickly replaced by the reality of an unhappy home. This would surprise no one, but there she was. Even if the failure was unavoidable, Ms. Maynard didn’t seem to prepare much. She didn’t know how to tend to the kids’ hair, for example. And you’d think she’d have some therapeutic support lined up to address their trauma and loss. Her parenting skills seem lacking; she describes arguments that descend into wrestling matches with the 12-year-old. Maybe her sharing is helpful to other parents in dire straits. But wrestling with a 12-year-old?
Ms. Maynard does find what seems to be a very good home, and less than two years after taking them from the orphanage, the girls move to the Midwest, joining a two-parent family who have adopted another Ethiopian child.
It is tempting to dismiss her as the careless, self-centered person she is. But the history of the world is the history of parents screwing up and children suffering. And she did her best to give the kids what she couldn’t, which counts for something.
Enter Jim a year or so later. He is steady and smart and enjoys her messiness and her freak flag. It is really a beautiful thing when two people mesh like this. The marriage, over time, helps the author get past her never ending self-centeredness. She appreciates that Jim is such a great guy and tries not to whine about a lame birthday present or the way he chops apples.
Part two of the book is the diagnosis and subsequent quest for treatments. They seek out experts, diet cures, fecal implants. She discusses the positive side of denial, allowing hope in the direst of situations. It keeps them focused on trying stuff. To this end, Jim gets major surgery (called the Whipple surgery) which has worked for a very few people. (After reading this book, I would say don’t go for the Whipple surgery.)
The general trend, familiar to anyone who has had a loved one die over a period of time, is poignantly described. Life gets dialed back more and more. No more hiking, no more traveling, no more driving. No more eating out, then not much eating at all. Their partnership was stripped of so much, but it was still there. And our heroine really clues into the beauty of human love. She is not focused on the unfairness of it all, she is just there to love her spouse. She is even able to shed anger to her ex, describing seeing him at one of their kid’s wedding, no longer a guaranteed bitter encounter, just two earthlings happy for their child.
Eventually, and in a way Jim never does, Maynard understands he will not survive. It is hard not to second guess their medical interventions and last-ditch efforts to have fun. But there will be confusion and second guessing in pretty much any major medical situation.
I did get a little tired of hearing about the trillion oysters they ate, and the constant travel had a frantic edge that bothered me, but overall I really liked this book. I will check out some of her fiction. Regarding Salinger, she wrote about that relatively recently when the Mia Farrow Documentary came out. I’m happy she has had a full and productive life since then. For all her faults, she’s come out on the right side of history and am glad she did not allow herself to be silenced.
The first half, the “before” part, covers the courtship and love affair, with info on their back stories.
Ms. Maynard is honest, which I always appreciate in an autobiography. It’s a mixed blessing, though. At times, she comes across as an annoying show off. There is a ridiculous story of her attending a music festival, staking out spots at various stages ahead of time, then racing from one show to the next, pushing through crowds, claiming the space. I find that rude, but maybe passionate appreciation of one’s favorite bands supersedes common courtesy. Visiting with family in New Hampshire, she dramatically pulls off her clothes and jumps in a lake. At her wedding reception, there is an unsettling scene of her doing some zany, solo interpretive dance.
That said, the author is the first to admit her personality is a bit much and realizes, without malice, some people find her hard to deal with. That is why Jim is a perfect match for her. He loves her exactly as she is. He lets her be the boss of the kitchen, accepts that she is always coming or going.
Jim has his own baggage. A legal career that peaked awhile back. Problematic relationships with his adult children. Ms. Maynard graciously steps lightly around it. One son seems like a grudge holding asshole, but who knows.
Ms. Maynard can go toe to toe with anyone’s past failures. She carries much bitterness about her first marriage, 25 years earlier, mentioning more than once that the ex now lives at the New Hampshire farm she bought with her money.
More recently, she adopted, and then rehomed, two Ethiopian sisters. It is a bewildering story. In the same way she cruises internet real estate ads, and buys a house sight unseen, she found an Ethiopian adoption agency, and a few months later she was on a plane to
The author acknowledges what a misguided disaster it was. Adoption is an inherently traumatic experience for the child, and her fantasy that she could love through troubles was quickly replaced by the reality of an unhappy home. This would surprise no one, but there she was. Even if the failure was unavoidable, Ms. Maynard didn’t seem to prepare much. She didn’t know how to tend to the kids’ hair, for example. And you’d think she’d have some therapeutic support lined up to address their trauma and loss. Her parenting skills seem lacking; she describes arguments that descend into wrestling matches with the 12-year-old. Maybe her sharing is helpful to other parents in dire straits. But wrestling with a 12-year-old?
Ms. Maynard does find what seems to be a very good home, and less than two years after taking them from the orphanage, the girls move to the Midwest, joining a two-parent family who have adopted another Ethiopian child.
It is tempting to dismiss her as the careless, self-centered person she is. But the history of the world is the history of parents screwing up and children suffering. And she did her best to give the kids what she couldn’t, which counts for something.
Enter Jim a year or so later. He is steady and smart and enjoys her messiness and her freak flag. It is really a beautiful thing when two people mesh like this. The marriage, over time, helps the author get past her never ending self-centeredness. She appreciates that Jim is such a great guy and tries not to whine about a lame birthday present or the way he chops apples.
Part two of the book is the diagnosis and subsequent quest for treatments. They seek out experts, diet cures, fecal implants. She discusses the positive side of denial, allowing hope in the direst of situations. It keeps them focused on trying stuff. To this end, Jim gets major surgery (called the Whipple surgery) which has worked for a very few people. (After reading this book, I would say don’t go for the Whipple surgery.)
The general trend, familiar to anyone who has had a loved one die over a period of time, is poignantly described. Life gets dialed back more and more. No more hiking, no more traveling, no more driving. No more eating out, then not much eating at all. Their partnership was stripped of so much, but it was still there. And our heroine really clues into the beauty of human love. She is not focused on the unfairness of it all, she is just there to love her spouse. She is even able to shed anger to her ex, describing seeing him at one of their kid’s wedding, no longer a guaranteed bitter encounter, just two earthlings happy for their child.
Eventually, and in a way Jim never does, Maynard understands he will not survive. It is hard not to second guess their medical interventions and last-ditch efforts to have fun. But there will be confusion and second guessing in pretty much any major medical situation.
I did get a little tired of hearing about the trillion oysters they ate, and the constant travel had a frantic edge that bothered me, but overall I really liked this book. I will check out some of her fiction. Regarding Salinger, she wrote about that relatively recently when the Mia Farrow Documentary came out. I’m happy she has had a full and productive life since then. For all her faults, she’s come out on the right side of history and am glad she did not allow herself to be silenced.
It was fantastic! She is a great writer and honest about her feelings.
It was pretty long and cancer-y. But when you get to the end she said she didn't ever want to write the end, so it makes sense. I just felt it dragged a little bit.
This was a beautiful yet difficult book to listen to. Read by the author, she chronicles her short time with her second husband who struggled with pancreatic cancer for 18th months before he passed. They had been married a little over a year when he was diagnosed. This is a love story of course but it also a coming of age story of a sort for the author. Beautifully written you can see how she grew into a better (less self focused) person. I live her honesty and her candor. Highly recommend the audio book version.
5 stars not because it’s perfect, but for its honest portrayal of nearly perfect love between two mature adults. For anyone who has perhaps waited most of their adult life to find true love. For anyone who has experienced what could be devastating loss. Could have used some editing, but it’s the author’s story to tell so I’m willing to put that aside. A book that brought me to tears not once, but several times.
I usually save my 5 star ratings for those books that I want to start again once I finished reading the last word. However, this book has affected me like no other, and reading it again would be asking me to turn around and climb Mt. Everett as soon as I descended to base camp. The incredibly brave, nakedly honest account Joyce Maynard has composed (with words as opposed to musical notes, but just as gifted) gets to the soul of love and of life and of loss. I learned as much about my life's loss (death of beloved dad 31 years ago) as I learned about hers. This is definitely a 4.9.