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3.44 AVERAGE
3.44 AVERAGE
I'm finding it difficult to rate this book because it's definitely flawed, but by no means worthy of the 1-star reviews it's getting. I think it would be a more effective and possibly more useful book if it were more dispassionate, but that may just be a matter of personal taste, and I suppose it's not a crime to be passionate about something you believe is doing permanent harm to people.
The impetus for my reading this book was that it was getting so much hate from trans allies, and I wanted to know what it actually said. When I opened it, the first thing I saw were the endorsements, several of them from right-wing pundits, which was unpromising, but there were blurbs from some normal people too, so hope was not entirely lost.
The author contends that the steep increase in natal females applying for transition at gender clinics is a social contagion, spread primarily via the internet, where depressed/anxious/socially awkward teen girls with no childhood history of gender dysphoria find trans peers who give a name to their psychological/emotional distress and offer transition as the way to relieve their suffering. The author believes that transition in this case is another form of self-harm, similar to anorexia, bulimia, cutting, etc. It isn't that their gender dysphoria is fake, but that without a childhood history of dysphoria, it is likely treatable without resorting to transition and its attendant risks.
The book is most effective in its criticism of the "affirmative" model of therapy, which allows teenagers to make life-altering medical decisions before their brains have fully developed. The author interviews psychologists, psychiatrists, and sexologists who have years of experience studying gender dysphoria and gender identity disorders and also have varied and nuanced opinions of the affirmative model. The author contends that "affirmative therapy" doesn't provide enough safeguards against premature or unnecessary transition.
There is a lot of speculation about motives, which I don't think will persuade anyone. The stories of women who have detransitioned are harrowing; it's anecdotal evidence, but to be fair, there isn't much data to work with when it comes to the recent surge of trans-identified children and teens. The main thrust of the criticism surrounding this book is that it is full of falsehoods and will make it harder for trans-identified people to get treatment and have their rights respected. I'm not sure how to identify the "falsehoods" in this book, since so much of it is opinion. It is not against adult transition, and it doesn't argue that transition is always inappropriate. It does argue that adolescents are not capable of giving informed consent to treatments and procedures that will permanently alter their bodies and affect their future fertility and sexual function. Take that for what it's worth.
This book is geared primarily toward concerned parents, not teens. (Teens will not be impressed by the author's assessment of their decision-making skills, but as a middle-aged lady myself, I can't take issue with it.) If you're concerned specifically about your trans-identified child transitioning, it might be helpful, or it might just scare the crap out of you. I don't think it will change many people's minds. Shrier is an engaging writer, so if her arguments don't fill you with incandescent rage, it is a very readable and thought-provoking book. 3.5 stars.
The impetus for my reading this book was that it was getting so much hate from trans allies, and I wanted to know what it actually said. When I opened it, the first thing I saw were the endorsements, several of them from right-wing pundits, which was unpromising, but there were blurbs from some normal people too, so hope was not entirely lost.
The author contends that the steep increase in natal females applying for transition at gender clinics is a social contagion, spread primarily via the internet, where depressed/anxious/socially awkward teen girls with no childhood history of gender dysphoria find trans peers who give a name to their psychological/emotional distress and offer transition as the way to relieve their suffering. The author believes that transition in this case is another form of self-harm, similar to anorexia, bulimia, cutting, etc. It isn't that their gender dysphoria is fake, but that without a childhood history of dysphoria, it is likely treatable without resorting to transition and its attendant risks.
The book is most effective in its criticism of the "affirmative" model of therapy, which allows teenagers to make life-altering medical decisions before their brains have fully developed. The author interviews psychologists, psychiatrists, and sexologists who have years of experience studying gender dysphoria and gender identity disorders and also have varied and nuanced opinions of the affirmative model. The author contends that "affirmative therapy" doesn't provide enough safeguards against premature or unnecessary transition.
There is a lot of speculation about motives, which I don't think will persuade anyone. The stories of women who have detransitioned are harrowing; it's anecdotal evidence, but to be fair, there isn't much data to work with when it comes to the recent surge of trans-identified children and teens. The main thrust of the criticism surrounding this book is that it is full of falsehoods and will make it harder for trans-identified people to get treatment and have their rights respected. I'm not sure how to identify the "falsehoods" in this book, since so much of it is opinion. It is not against adult transition, and it doesn't argue that transition is always inappropriate. It does argue that adolescents are not capable of giving informed consent to treatments and procedures that will permanently alter their bodies and affect their future fertility and sexual function. Take that for what it's worth.
This book is geared primarily toward concerned parents, not teens. (Teens will not be impressed by the author's assessment of their decision-making skills, but as a middle-aged lady myself, I can't take issue with it.) If you're concerned specifically about your trans-identified child transitioning, it might be helpful, or it might just scare the crap out of you. I don't think it will change many people's minds. Shrier is an engaging writer, so if her arguments don't fill you with incandescent rage, it is a very readable and thought-provoking book. 3.5 stars.
This book is not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I assumed this is going to be another hateful book like [b:Correct, Not Politically Correct: How Same-Sex Marriage Hurts Everyone|6821092|Correct, Not Politically Correct How Same-Sex Marriage Hurts Everyone|Frank Turek|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1352964486l/6821092._SX50_.jpg|7030298]. It's not. Shrier actually has some important points. Unfortunately those points are clouded by the fact she wrote this book for parents instead of the queer community itself.
Essentially, Shrier claims that there's a phenomenon of young teen girls who struggle with mental health issues, go online, end up believing they're transgender and begin to medically transition. They get encouraged by their internet community and by gender therapists. They easily shun their unsupportive parents. Apparently 70% of the people with gender dysphoria just grow out of it naturally and therefore the medical transition is harmful to these people who aren't actually trans. It's important to note that Shrier doesn't claim trans people don't exist. Rather she highlights that the transition process happens too quickly and without enough medical supervision. She suggests teen girls claim to be men as a way to escape womanhood, that they're not men, they're just finding a way to deal with the pains of femininity.
I have much to say about this.
I'll start by saying that I'm not convinced such a problem exists. I mean, yes, being LGBT+ is trendy in certain circles. And I remember that in my teen friend group we all identified as various queer identities. And now, when we're all adults, some of us are still queer and some of us aren't. It's not a big deal. I don't think it's a catastrophe to experiment with your gender and sexuality.
So I do agree with Shrier that medical changes should happen carefully. I don't know about California, but in my country you have to be over 18 to begin physically transitioning (or 16 with parental consent). In general, I've never gotten any kind of impression that doctors are just handing over hormones at a blink of an eye. Shrier says that's what's happening but it just sounds so unrealistic, like there's a hefty process here to get top surgery and I know it's the same in the states.
When it comes to social transitioning, I simply don't understand Shrier's argument. Shrier tries to claim socially transitioning is also harmful because once you come out, telling people you were wrong is hard. In the same breath, Shrier is against educating people about LGBT+ issues. As I see it, if we combine queer education and allow people to experiment, there isn't a problem. We create a space where people can try out LGBT+ identities without being scared of losing credibility. Education comes together with fostering a safe space.
So what's Shrier's solution to this alleged "problem" (see, I can also put things into parenthesis in order to imply they're not real, just as Shrier is fond of doing)? Encourage parents to block out the queer community! She urges parents to take away their kids' phones and remove them from queer friendly spaces, citing a story about parents who sent their kid to live on a farm with no internet. At the same time, Shrier is aware that some people are trans. She interviews several adult trans people who are all living happy lives. She clarifies that this book is only about such teen girls who are confused and not about the broader adult trans community.
The combination of these two is confusing to me. I agree that there are some teens that experiment with being trans but there are also some teens that are actually trans. How is a parent supposed to know which one is their child? Beyond that, by refusing to acknowledge a child's feelings, be it if they're permanent or not, these parents are harming their child. I feel like it's common wisdom that kids grow up and irritate their parents in some way or another. If a teen tries to come out as trans and experiences their parents discrediting them, how will they feel comfortable to share more of themselves to their parents?
Shrier, in her attempts to claim all of these teens aren't "real" trans people goes to ridiculous lengths, such as suggesting that if a child wasn't a tomboy surely they can't be trans. Even if people learn about their identity through the internet, I struggle to understand how Shrier can be so confident that they don't know themselves.
-------------------------------------------
When it comes down to it, despite all of her research, Shrier hasn't entirely grasped the difference between sex, gender, and gender expression. She constantly confuses between them. As much as she mocks the Genderbread Person image, she should take a good look at it and realize that a trans man doesn't claim that he's not assigned female at birth. No one is hiding the existence of a biological sex, just saying that it's not the same as gender. And just because you identify as a man doesn't mean you necessarily adopt only masculine traits. What's the problem with having a beard and also liking glitter?
Shrier simultaneously mocks trans men who have feminine traits and argues that it's okay to be a more masculine woman. If it's okay for a woman to be more masculine, what's the problem with a trans guy who's more feminine? Why does a trans guy need to fit into the gender role in order to be considered valid in Shrier's view?
As I see it, we are making strides towards a world where people can express themselves through gender in any way they wish. That's the true idea of queerness. I think it's very telling that Shrier wrote about Youtubers like Chase Ross but did not mention people like Jamie Raines or Jackson Bird who are living entirely normal adult lives. Not every trans person is very flamboyant and has colorful hair (and even if they did, what's the problem with that?).
-------------------------------------------
I agree with Shrier that there's a romantization of being queer. I came out to thirty people last week and got told that I'm brave like 14 times. In an ideal world, coming out as trans wouldn't require bravery. In an ideal world, the response to me coming out would be "okay, cool".
So what should we do about this? Well, obviously, empowering women is always important. I just don't see a clash between empowering women and empowering trans people. Shrier is against using phrases like "people who menstruate" but it's silly because I get the impression that womanhood isn't equal to a period. The trans community merely highlights that being a woman isn't a biological thing. Are vulvas really the ultimate achievement of women? Shouldn't we celebrate women for their other abilities? Let's redefine femininity to be more than biology.
This book also raises queries about the process of medically transitioning. What's the process someone should go through before they take hormones? What's the role of a therapist? Is gender dysphoria a mental illness that requires a "cure"? These questions do need answers but to be frank, I don't think Shrier is the one who can answer them.
Shrier didn't write this book for the queer community. Her audience isn't us, it's concerned parents. When she describes the questioning teen girls, her focus is the offended parents and not the teens who might be feeling lost. It doesn't feel like she cares about the actual struggle of trans teens. Instead, she's here to support parents who feel like they're losing their child.
Shrier goes on and on about how awful it is that the LGBT+ community encourages people to ditch their families. It's almost laughable because the LGBT+ community doesn't do that. Rather, there's a common phenomenon of people coming out and getting thrown out of their family. The queer community refers to itself as a family as a response to this. If families were more accepting of queer people, maybe they wouldn't feel the need to be so connected to the queer community. How can Shrier simultaneously tell parents to deny their childrens' transness and also blame the queer community for trying to create a surrogate family?
-------------------------------------------
I was really disappointed that there's almost a complete erasure of nonbinary identities. Save for some mean comments about Ash Hardell and a snide remark on they/them pronouns, Shrier doesn't bring this up. This is a shame because I think a conversation about nonbinary identity could help clear things up.
As a nonbinary person, I think I have both feminine and masculine traits (like most human beings) but most importantly, I just don't see a point to dissect myself that way. Rather, I think we allow gender to control too much and I just don't want any part of it. Women can be anything they want but I have no interest or involvement in being a woman. I want to be excluded from this conversation. I don't understand why I'm meant to feel like a woman or what feeling like a woman even means.
And as I see it, Shrier doesn't really have an answer for this. I've thought long and hard about whether this comes from a desire to evade womanhood and I just don't think it does. Sure, being a woman isn't great but I can't help but think that in many ways being trans is worse. I don't see myself as part of a suffering minority, I don't think being nonbinary makes me less privileged. I simply recognize that I don't fit into the square that I should. That's it. So I think it's unfair to claim that teen girls turn to trans identity because they're trying to be special, think women suffer violence because of porn or that the media portrays womanhood as challenging. Like, come on, people aren't this simple.
-------------------------------------------
To conclude, this book is interesting but not more than that. I can't recommend it because I think there are trans writers out there that are tackling these questions better than Shrier. This book is being vilified perhaps more than it should but it's not a great read in any case.
What I'm Taking With Me
- The horror tales about phalloplasty were a little overdone and made me feel a little sick.
- The title of this book is an exaggeration.
- I feel horrified at the idea of parents reading this book and potentially mistreating their trans child.
****************************************
Quarantining like "will I be able to finish my reading challenge in three days". Review to come!
Essentially, Shrier claims that there's a phenomenon of young teen girls who struggle with mental health issues, go online, end up believing they're transgender and begin to medically transition. They get encouraged by their internet community and by gender therapists. They easily shun their unsupportive parents. Apparently 70% of the people with gender dysphoria just grow out of it naturally and therefore the medical transition is harmful to these people who aren't actually trans. It's important to note that Shrier doesn't claim trans people don't exist. Rather she highlights that the transition process happens too quickly and without enough medical supervision. She suggests teen girls claim to be men as a way to escape womanhood, that they're not men, they're just finding a way to deal with the pains of femininity.
I have much to say about this.
I'll start by saying that I'm not convinced such a problem exists. I mean, yes, being LGBT+ is trendy in certain circles. And I remember that in my teen friend group we all identified as various queer identities. And now, when we're all adults, some of us are still queer and some of us aren't. It's not a big deal. I don't think it's a catastrophe to experiment with your gender and sexuality.
So I do agree with Shrier that medical changes should happen carefully. I don't know about California, but in my country you have to be over 18 to begin physically transitioning (or 16 with parental consent). In general, I've never gotten any kind of impression that doctors are just handing over hormones at a blink of an eye. Shrier says that's what's happening but it just sounds so unrealistic, like there's a hefty process here to get top surgery and I know it's the same in the states.
When it comes to social transitioning, I simply don't understand Shrier's argument. Shrier tries to claim socially transitioning is also harmful because once you come out, telling people you were wrong is hard. In the same breath, Shrier is against educating people about LGBT+ issues. As I see it, if we combine queer education and allow people to experiment, there isn't a problem. We create a space where people can try out LGBT+ identities without being scared of losing credibility. Education comes together with fostering a safe space.
So what's Shrier's solution to this alleged "problem" (see, I can also put things into parenthesis in order to imply they're not real, just as Shrier is fond of doing)? Encourage parents to block out the queer community! She urges parents to take away their kids' phones and remove them from queer friendly spaces, citing a story about parents who sent their kid to live on a farm with no internet. At the same time, Shrier is aware that some people are trans. She interviews several adult trans people who are all living happy lives. She clarifies that this book is only about such teen girls who are confused and not about the broader adult trans community.
The combination of these two is confusing to me. I agree that there are some teens that experiment with being trans but there are also some teens that are actually trans. How is a parent supposed to know which one is their child? Beyond that, by refusing to acknowledge a child's feelings, be it if they're permanent or not, these parents are harming their child. I feel like it's common wisdom that kids grow up and irritate their parents in some way or another. If a teen tries to come out as trans and experiences their parents discrediting them, how will they feel comfortable to share more of themselves to their parents?
Shrier, in her attempts to claim all of these teens aren't "real" trans people goes to ridiculous lengths, such as suggesting that if a child wasn't a tomboy surely they can't be trans. Even if people learn about their identity through the internet, I struggle to understand how Shrier can be so confident that they don't know themselves.
-------------------------------------------
When it comes down to it, despite all of her research, Shrier hasn't entirely grasped the difference between sex, gender, and gender expression. She constantly confuses between them. As much as she mocks the Genderbread Person image, she should take a good look at it and realize that a trans man doesn't claim that he's not assigned female at birth. No one is hiding the existence of a biological sex, just saying that it's not the same as gender. And just because you identify as a man doesn't mean you necessarily adopt only masculine traits. What's the problem with having a beard and also liking glitter?
Shrier simultaneously mocks trans men who have feminine traits and argues that it's okay to be a more masculine woman. If it's okay for a woman to be more masculine, what's the problem with a trans guy who's more feminine? Why does a trans guy need to fit into the gender role in order to be considered valid in Shrier's view?
As I see it, we are making strides towards a world where people can express themselves through gender in any way they wish. That's the true idea of queerness. I think it's very telling that Shrier wrote about Youtubers like Chase Ross but did not mention people like Jamie Raines or Jackson Bird who are living entirely normal adult lives. Not every trans person is very flamboyant and has colorful hair (and even if they did, what's the problem with that?).
-------------------------------------------
I agree with Shrier that there's a romantization of being queer. I came out to thirty people last week and got told that I'm brave like 14 times. In an ideal world, coming out as trans wouldn't require bravery. In an ideal world, the response to me coming out would be "okay, cool".
So what should we do about this? Well, obviously, empowering women is always important. I just don't see a clash between empowering women and empowering trans people. Shrier is against using phrases like "people who menstruate" but it's silly because I get the impression that womanhood isn't equal to a period. The trans community merely highlights that being a woman isn't a biological thing. Are vulvas really the ultimate achievement of women? Shouldn't we celebrate women for their other abilities? Let's redefine femininity to be more than biology.
This book also raises queries about the process of medically transitioning. What's the process someone should go through before they take hormones? What's the role of a therapist? Is gender dysphoria a mental illness that requires a "cure"? These questions do need answers but to be frank, I don't think Shrier is the one who can answer them.
Shrier didn't write this book for the queer community. Her audience isn't us, it's concerned parents. When she describes the questioning teen girls, her focus is the offended parents and not the teens who might be feeling lost. It doesn't feel like she cares about the actual struggle of trans teens. Instead, she's here to support parents who feel like they're losing their child.
Shrier goes on and on about how awful it is that the LGBT+ community encourages people to ditch their families. It's almost laughable because the LGBT+ community doesn't do that. Rather, there's a common phenomenon of people coming out and getting thrown out of their family. The queer community refers to itself as a family as a response to this. If families were more accepting of queer people, maybe they wouldn't feel the need to be so connected to the queer community. How can Shrier simultaneously tell parents to deny their childrens' transness and also blame the queer community for trying to create a surrogate family?
-------------------------------------------
I was really disappointed that there's almost a complete erasure of nonbinary identities. Save for some mean comments about Ash Hardell and a snide remark on they/them pronouns, Shrier doesn't bring this up. This is a shame because I think a conversation about nonbinary identity could help clear things up.
As a nonbinary person, I think I have both feminine and masculine traits (like most human beings) but most importantly, I just don't see a point to dissect myself that way. Rather, I think we allow gender to control too much and I just don't want any part of it. Women can be anything they want but I have no interest or involvement in being a woman. I want to be excluded from this conversation. I don't understand why I'm meant to feel like a woman or what feeling like a woman even means.
And as I see it, Shrier doesn't really have an answer for this. I've thought long and hard about whether this comes from a desire to evade womanhood and I just don't think it does. Sure, being a woman isn't great but I can't help but think that in many ways being trans is worse. I don't see myself as part of a suffering minority, I don't think being nonbinary makes me less privileged. I simply recognize that I don't fit into the square that I should. That's it. So I think it's unfair to claim that teen girls turn to trans identity because they're trying to be special, think women suffer violence because of porn or that the media portrays womanhood as challenging. Like, come on, people aren't this simple.
-------------------------------------------
To conclude, this book is interesting but not more than that. I can't recommend it because I think there are trans writers out there that are tackling these questions better than Shrier. This book is being vilified perhaps more than it should but it's not a great read in any case.
What I'm Taking With Me
- The horror tales about phalloplasty were a little overdone and made me feel a little sick.
- The title of this book is an exaggeration.
- I feel horrified at the idea of parents reading this book and potentially mistreating their trans child.
****************************************
Quarantining like "will I be able to finish my reading challenge in three days". Review to come!
The only irreversible damage here is the irreversible damage this book will do to your brain.