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suyagotz's review against another edition
2.0
This book didn't teach me (an anxious person) anything and basically just said i should find a partner who has an infinite amount of patience to deal with my bullshit. i don't wanna be validated in acting crazy, obsessive, and too much, i want to learn to be better, calmer and healthier.
beebliobibuli's review against another edition
informative
reflective
4.0
"... Relationships should not be left to chance."
Read this book, whether you're secure, anxious or avoident.
I've always been curious about why certain things keep happening in my life, over and over again, in all kind of relationships, family, friends or romantic.
This book gave me the glance I needed to dig deeper from now on, it explains in a very simple way what kind of attachment one or one's partner can have and gives some vey logical advice to make things better.
So yeah, if you're curious or like everyone who read this book, you kind of struggle, pick this one up. Because after all "Relationships are one of the most rewarding of human experiences, above and beyond other gifts that life has to offer" and you and your loved ones deserve a better shot at it.
Read this book, whether you're secure, anxious or avoident.
I've always been curious about why certain things keep happening in my life, over and over again, in all kind of relationships, family, friends or romantic.
This book gave me the glance I needed to dig deeper from now on, it explains in a very simple way what kind of attachment one or one's partner can have and gives some vey logical advice to make things better.
So yeah, if you're curious or like everyone who read this book, you kind of struggle, pick this one up. Because after all "Relationships are one of the most rewarding of human experiences, above and beyond other gifts that life has to offer" and you and your loved ones deserve a better shot at it.
iswendle's review against another edition
3.0
Attached is a self-help book in scientific disguise about relationships that has some great ideas and foundations, but fails to deliver outside of its black-and-white view on people.
The book is best summarised with this quote: "Attachment theory designates three main "attachment styles," or manners in which people perceive and respond to intimacy in romantic relationships, which parallel those found in children: Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant. Basically, secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving; anxious people crave intimacy, are often preoccupied with their relationships, and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back; avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness."
The rest of the book outlines each of the attachment styles, how to live with them, how to ascertain them in people, and how they behave in the real world. In the first 50 pages I found eye opening parts, probably to many, as the book outlines archetypes of people in relationships with common examples. This makes most readers feel heard, especially when recognising past partners and themselves.
As the book progresses though, it becomes evident that the authors will use the rest of the book to sketch every single relationship scenario within one of the 3 styles, without any room for movement. While I see the point of outlining the theory with examples and fitting them into the theory every time (even if real life isn't always perfectly according to theory), this made my reading of the book after the first 50 pages sluggish. I could recognise myself in multiple different styles for different scenarios, despite relating to 1 style most, but felt like the weird shapeshifter person according to this book.
All in all, Attached offers some interesting analysis of relationships that is grounded in scientific basis. Due to the pushed "self help" narrative, some of this analysis feels broad and forced, but the boon ultimately leaves you with some food for thought about relationships in your life, both past and present.
The book is best summarised with this quote: "Attachment theory designates three main "attachment styles," or manners in which people perceive and respond to intimacy in romantic relationships, which parallel those found in children: Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant. Basically, secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving; anxious people crave intimacy, are often preoccupied with their relationships, and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back; avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness."
The rest of the book outlines each of the attachment styles, how to live with them, how to ascertain them in people, and how they behave in the real world. In the first 50 pages I found eye opening parts, probably to many, as the book outlines archetypes of people in relationships with common examples. This makes most readers feel heard, especially when recognising past partners and themselves.
As the book progresses though, it becomes evident that the authors will use the rest of the book to sketch every single relationship scenario within one of the 3 styles, without any room for movement. While I see the point of outlining the theory with examples and fitting them into the theory every time (even if real life isn't always perfectly according to theory), this made my reading of the book after the first 50 pages sluggish. I could recognise myself in multiple different styles for different scenarios, despite relating to 1 style most, but felt like the weird shapeshifter person according to this book.
All in all, Attached offers some interesting analysis of relationships that is grounded in scientific basis. Due to the pushed "self help" narrative, some of this analysis feels broad and forced, but the boon ultimately leaves you with some food for thought about relationships in your life, both past and present.
elizamei322's review against another edition
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
Not a bad book, had some nuggets of wisdom. The three attachment styles were informative but I do feel like it was over generalized and they glorified the “secure” attachment style. However I did appreciate the epilogue and the myths about how people have a different capacity for intimacy.
ruth24's review against another edition
5.0
Attached was such a great book! My only regret is that I didn't read it years ago.
In Attached, Levine breaks down the three attachment styles (anxious, avoidant, and secure) and gives reasons why someone might align with one style over another - reasons that are rooted in their infant and adult experience, biology, and evolution. It also includes quizzes and worksheets so you can determine your own attachment style and that of your previous or current partner. Finally, the book offers solid tips on how to improve relationships between people of opposing styles and things anxious or avoidant people can do to become more securely attached.
I found Attached to be incredibly eye-opening. I had so many 'A-ha' moments where I realized why a relationship didn't work out, why previous partners acted in a certain ways, and why arguments played out the way they did. I highly recommend this book to everyone whether you're in a relationship or not. It has really changed my perspective. It helped me to accept my attachment style for what it is and taught me that it's okay to be honest about what your needs are and to let go of people who are unable to meet them.
In Attached, Levine breaks down the three attachment styles (anxious, avoidant, and secure) and gives reasons why someone might align with one style over another - reasons that are rooted in their infant and adult experience, biology, and evolution. It also includes quizzes and worksheets so you can determine your own attachment style and that of your previous or current partner. Finally, the book offers solid tips on how to improve relationships between people of opposing styles and things anxious or avoidant people can do to become more securely attached.
I found Attached to be incredibly eye-opening. I had so many 'A-ha' moments where I realized why a relationship didn't work out, why previous partners acted in a certain ways, and why arguments played out the way they did. I highly recommend this book to everyone whether you're in a relationship or not. It has really changed my perspective. It helped me to accept my attachment style for what it is and taught me that it's okay to be honest about what your needs are and to let go of people who are unable to meet them.
nina_zenikwaffle's review against another edition
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
Very good informative book. I will admit took me a long time to read due to a busy schedule, but I thought it was well written. Enjoyed all the self practices and times for personal reflection. Examples used in book really helped illuminate how important understanding attachment theory is. Good read.