Reviews with content warning for Emotional abuse - Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find-and Keep-Love

my thoughts: this book is for neurotypical, cis, straight people and not really for many others which is fine bc thats a lot of people but a lot of the language used just doesnt work for me. first the authors say: your partner isnt trying to make you feel bad! all attachment styles are valid. then they say actually anxious are trying to make you feel bad with protest behavior and avoidants are kind of shitty people who will never change. in fact, the only reliably healthy relationship is with a secure person whos willing to put up with if you yell at them! and dont forget its all bc they love you. like some of this was straight up like not condemning clearly abusive behavior? which was so confusing to me and also just like not a slay. the actual science and research portion was great, the self help part (didnt realize how self help this would be) not so much. inspiring for people whove had long series of failed relationships, parts interesting for ppl interested in psych, not much for anyone with any semblance of abnormal psych or dealing with abuse or having dealt with abuse in the past.

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jules_pl's review against another edition

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challenging emotional hopeful informative reflective medium-paced

4.5

This book gives great insight on relationships and how different needs of our partners can drive us to specific behaviours. It describes attachments styles, you can test which one you have/your partner has and how to deal with it, which will make your current or future relationship more successful.
One thing I would change about this book is to not focus so much on heteronormative couples - I like the given examples/stories on relationships but I think almost 100% are heterosexual. Would be great to read stories about same sex couples.

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zombiezami's review against another edition

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hopeful informative reflective

4.0

This was a really helpful and approachable introduction to the topic of attachment styles. I understand my own attachment style better, and I can better understand why certain past relationships happened the way that they did.

The book is rather heteronormative, though. Also, I feel like, by focusing on attachment styles as a sole cause of friction in relationships, they overlook when conflicts are a result of outright abuse, rather than incompatibility or different intimacy needs. The relationship with Craig in Chapter 10 strikes me as very verbally abusive, for example.

I also wish that the authors had gone into more detail about the anxious-avoidant attachment style. Other than saying it was really rare, they didn't seem to give many (or any) examples of it.

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vivikasweiven's review against another edition

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emotional hopeful informative lighthearted reflective fast-paced

4.5

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