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raybob23's review against another edition
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
3.25
It was ok. I wasn't a fan of the style of the book. He talks about stories or studies and then brings it back to his main point in each chapter. The information was interesting, but I think the writing style was kind of distracting from the points he was trying to make. It also seems like the author is trying to be cool or funny, but it just comes across as corny.
poseidon9697's review against another edition
adventurous
funny
informative
reflective
medium-paced
3.75
andrew_balyk's review
emotional
informative
medium-paced
4.0
Баркера зібрав докупи останні дослідження у соціальній психології та пов’язав їх з повсякденним життям таким чином, що це є одночасно і цікаво (десь з середини книги) і корисно. Книга повна практичних порад та стратегій для побудови та підтримки міцних стосунків, а також для роботи з важкими людьми та такими ж ситуаціями.
andrewbradley's review against another edition
funny
informative
inspiring
reflective
relaxing
medium-paced
4.75
This book is very good in the three first premises it introduces to go through. The fourth premise is good although feels lacking comparatively, although this may be due to personal bias and familiarity with the fourth premise. A great book filled with interesting insights. Definitely a good book to speed-read and practice doing so.
Content Warnings
Minor: Suicide
victorfrank's review against another edition
5.0
265. That's how many passages I highlighted in Eric's last book, "Barking Up the Wrong Tree". Basically, one continuous highlight. So I pre-purchased this one as soon as I heard it was coming out.
But before you think I'm already sold on this book, remember that it has a lot to live up to (265!). Moreover, you may not know that the topic of relationships has been my beat for the past 17 years. And for the last 10, I've been pounding the pavement as a self-proclaimed Happiness Engineer telling people that deep connection is the key to their happiness. Is this book going to hold up to my unreasonable expectations and exacting scrutiny?
I'm happy to report that "Plays Well With Others" is a delightful guide to enriching your life by strengthening its most important aspect: your relationships. Barker emphasizes research showing we're living in far more individualistic and therefore lonely societies today. So let's do something about that *stat*, since loneliness reduces life expectancy as much as smoking (by a decade—yup, that bad).
In his quest to debunk popular so-called wisdom, Barker divides the book into four parts corresponding to four straw-man proverbs which he seeks to pummel like a piñata till they either perish or yield some sweet morsels of truth: Can you judge a book by its cover? Is a friend in need a friend indeed (and wtf does that mean anyway)? Does love conquer all? Is no man an island?
The 5 chapters in each section then delve into the nitty-gritty of the myth-busting (and sometimes myth-affirming) science. Some choice ones:
• "Every marriage counselor is wrong" about active listening: it simply doesn't work for couples.
• We are truly terrible at reading people. Especially if we try to read body language. We're much better off paying attention to voice intonation.
• "The most commonly cited reason for divorce isn’t fighting or affairs; 80 percent of couples said it was losing closeness."
• "“Quality time” together won’t do diddly if you’re merely making more time to be bored together. The research is clear here: you need to do exciting things."
Fortunately, Barker is kind enough to provide some antidotes after revealing our innate folly — and there's a lot of folly to go around. So: don't just hang out with your partner. Do exciting things together. And to be better at lie detection than a coin flip, "ask unanticipated questions" and "use evidence strategically."
The book truly shines is in its treatment of friendship and love. For example, how do you get away from transactional friendships to something deeper? "Make the time, vulnerably share your thoughts, and raise the stakes." The most useful part is his summary of the work of Dr John Gottman, the god of relationship research. Barker summarizes 40-years' worth of Gottman's findings in a few short chapters than can absolutely change your life—if you apply them. For example, be wary of the Four Horsemen of criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Develop detailed "love maps" of your partner. And remember that you need some "healthy delusion" about your partner to keep a relationship strong.
My favorite parts of the book (and probably yours) are the stories that are ridiculous, hilarious, sublime or all three: Carlos Kaiser, the pro footballer who never played; Hector Cafferata, the one-man army; Larry Flynt and Jerry Falwell, besties (who knew?!?); Syndrome K; and printed pillow love, Japanese-style (wow). Some stories may have been at best tangentially relevant to the topic, but hell, I've already told the Viagra origin story twice, and it's still only pub day, so Eric wins.
This is a much-needed book at a time when human relationships have been devalued in favor of individualism, narcissism and achievement. But we need each other now more than ever, especially with a viral pandemic superimposed on a pre-existing pandemic of loneliness. This book makes a persuasive argument for prioritizing connection in our lives, along with practical tools for getting there. Read it for some laughs now and much joy later.
-- Ali Binazir, M.D., M.Phil., Happiness Engineer and author of [b: The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible|33977456|The Tao of Dating The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible|Ali Binazir|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1485248157l/33977456._SY75_.jpg|13580088], the highest-rated dating book on Amazon, and [b: Should I Go to Medical School?: An Irreverent Guide to the Pros and Cons of a Career in Medicine|34099644|Should I Go to Medical School An Irreverent Guide to the Pros and Cons of a Career in Medicine|Ali Binazir|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1486004834l/34099644._SY75_.jpg|55119946]
But before you think I'm already sold on this book, remember that it has a lot to live up to (265!). Moreover, you may not know that the topic of relationships has been my beat for the past 17 years. And for the last 10, I've been pounding the pavement as a self-proclaimed Happiness Engineer telling people that deep connection is the key to their happiness. Is this book going to hold up to my unreasonable expectations and exacting scrutiny?
I'm happy to report that "Plays Well With Others" is a delightful guide to enriching your life by strengthening its most important aspect: your relationships. Barker emphasizes research showing we're living in far more individualistic and therefore lonely societies today. So let's do something about that *stat*, since loneliness reduces life expectancy as much as smoking (by a decade—yup, that bad).
In his quest to debunk popular so-called wisdom, Barker divides the book into four parts corresponding to four straw-man proverbs which he seeks to pummel like a piñata till they either perish or yield some sweet morsels of truth: Can you judge a book by its cover? Is a friend in need a friend indeed (and wtf does that mean anyway)? Does love conquer all? Is no man an island?
The 5 chapters in each section then delve into the nitty-gritty of the myth-busting (and sometimes myth-affirming) science. Some choice ones:
• "Every marriage counselor is wrong" about active listening: it simply doesn't work for couples.
• We are truly terrible at reading people. Especially if we try to read body language. We're much better off paying attention to voice intonation.
• "The most commonly cited reason for divorce isn’t fighting or affairs; 80 percent of couples said it was losing closeness."
• "“Quality time” together won’t do diddly if you’re merely making more time to be bored together. The research is clear here: you need to do exciting things."
Fortunately, Barker is kind enough to provide some antidotes after revealing our innate folly — and there's a lot of folly to go around. So: don't just hang out with your partner. Do exciting things together. And to be better at lie detection than a coin flip, "ask unanticipated questions" and "use evidence strategically."
The book truly shines is in its treatment of friendship and love. For example, how do you get away from transactional friendships to something deeper? "Make the time, vulnerably share your thoughts, and raise the stakes." The most useful part is his summary of the work of Dr John Gottman, the god of relationship research. Barker summarizes 40-years' worth of Gottman's findings in a few short chapters than can absolutely change your life—if you apply them. For example, be wary of the Four Horsemen of criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Develop detailed "love maps" of your partner. And remember that you need some "healthy delusion" about your partner to keep a relationship strong.
My favorite parts of the book (and probably yours) are the stories that are ridiculous, hilarious, sublime or all three: Carlos Kaiser, the pro footballer who never played; Hector Cafferata, the one-man army; Larry Flynt and Jerry Falwell, besties (who knew?!?); Syndrome K; and printed pillow love, Japanese-style (wow). Some stories may have been at best tangentially relevant to the topic, but hell, I've already told the Viagra origin story twice, and it's still only pub day, so Eric wins.
This is a much-needed book at a time when human relationships have been devalued in favor of individualism, narcissism and achievement. But we need each other now more than ever, especially with a viral pandemic superimposed on a pre-existing pandemic of loneliness. This book makes a persuasive argument for prioritizing connection in our lives, along with practical tools for getting there. Read it for some laughs now and much joy later.
-- Ali Binazir, M.D., M.Phil., Happiness Engineer and author of [b: The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible|33977456|The Tao of Dating The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible|Ali Binazir|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1485248157l/33977456._SY75_.jpg|13580088], the highest-rated dating book on Amazon, and [b: Should I Go to Medical School?: An Irreverent Guide to the Pros and Cons of a Career in Medicine|34099644|Should I Go to Medical School An Irreverent Guide to the Pros and Cons of a Career in Medicine|Ali Binazir|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1486004834l/34099644._SY75_.jpg|55119946]