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hitbooksnotgirlz's review against another edition
2.0
I didn’t like the way it constantly jumped back in forth between different periods of her life, as it made the story harder to follow. I found it to be dull at many points, though it made me laugh quite often too. But the deeper I got into it, the more bored I became. While I enjoyed parts of it, overall, I found it was just not worth the read.
lavoiture's review against another edition
3.0
I liked it, but I didn't love it. **Inevitable comparison to "The Glass Castle" and "Cherry"** But it was okay.
emjay24's review
4.0
This is a memoir written by a woman who is basically my age and grew up not far from where I did, but someone who had a totally different life. She's just a regular girl, but was raised by a woman who is a drug addict. The author and her mom both seem very smart, but the story mentions time and time again how ugly she was (she looks fine in her author photo, but people do look better with time) and how different she was. Eventually, her mom gets her to start using drugs and alcohol too. The last part of the book is her adult journey towards sobriety, which since she's only in her early thirties at the time this book was written (3 years ago) is probably still ongoing. Despite the drug abuse and very questionable parenting from all the adults in this book, it did struck me that they loved the author a lot. I hope she is able to reconcile with her mother. I read this whole book in one sitting on a plane ride, and recommend it, even though, as some people complain, this woman isn't famous.
danjvrobertson's review against another edition
4.0
(Review posted on my blog, The Reader's Commute. I received this ARC through Shelf Awareness)
I've been a huge fan of memoir since I took a class during my junior year at Purchase. I was especially excited to read Ruta's memoir because both Amy Bloom and Kathryn Harrison praised it. I especially love what Harrison said about it:
"With or Without You is that rare thing, a story you think you know transformed into one you have to read to the end."
I certainly agree with Kathryn Harrison's statement. With or Without You is certainly a story that I thought I knew, and it did transform as it progressed. There were moments while reading it, however, where I wasn't sure I had to read until the end.
But let me explain myself.
I adored reading about Ruta's childhood in a home that was strange and unbelievable and sad. Ruta's description of her mother, Kathi, showcases an intense level of emotion. Kathi becomes more than just a character on the page - she leaps out at you, screaming; she's a force to be reckoned with. There is a passage where Ruta, known in this book as Nikki, stares at her mother, dead asleep. She wants so desperately to be near her, but she seems to be repulsed by her, too. I felt this desperation and this attraction throughout the book. It really stuck with me.
On a lesser level, Nikki discusses her relationship (and her mother's relationship) with her father, Zeke. She struggles with being the baby that tore apart her parents' relationship. She hears the dramatic stories about the almost-abortions and the fights. I found Zeke less convincing as a "real-life" figure; I didn't really understand his personality. In one moment, he is an ex-pretty boy who gets everything he wants; in another moment he is a father who is cold towards his children and buries himself in fixer-upper projects. Towards the end of the memoir, when Nikki reunites with her father, it was hard for me to recognize him at all.
Kathi is the real star here. I could read an entire book about her. I really hoped that With or Without You would be just that. And yes, while Nikki's toxic relationship with her mother is at the heart of this memoir, she also moves past it to detail her life when she finally leaves her mother. She writes about her intense struggle with alcohol and her inability to form healthy relationships. She writes about surviving. These are all topics that I wanted to invest myself in, but as I was reading I could only focus on the mother-daughter relationship. With so much overwhelming material, it was all I felt capable of dealing with. I almost didn't want to finish reading.
But I did finish reading, and I'm so glad that I did. When I meditated on it for a bit, I was in awe of Ruta's struggle, and her ability to take that struggle and put it into words. Her prose is beautiful and layered, and there are many passages that I marked to reread. While there were some chapters that seemed out of place to me (a chapter about family dogs, entitled "The Lady with the Little Dog," was too close to the end in my opinion, adding a weight that I found confusing), I generally appreciated how Ruta chose to break up her memoir. I certainly look forward to reading more from her.
I've been a huge fan of memoir since I took a class during my junior year at Purchase. I was especially excited to read Ruta's memoir because both Amy Bloom and Kathryn Harrison praised it. I especially love what Harrison said about it:
"With or Without You is that rare thing, a story you think you know transformed into one you have to read to the end."
I certainly agree with Kathryn Harrison's statement. With or Without You is certainly a story that I thought I knew, and it did transform as it progressed. There were moments while reading it, however, where I wasn't sure I had to read until the end.
But let me explain myself.
I adored reading about Ruta's childhood in a home that was strange and unbelievable and sad. Ruta's description of her mother, Kathi, showcases an intense level of emotion. Kathi becomes more than just a character on the page - she leaps out at you, screaming; she's a force to be reckoned with. There is a passage where Ruta, known in this book as Nikki, stares at her mother, dead asleep. She wants so desperately to be near her, but she seems to be repulsed by her, too. I felt this desperation and this attraction throughout the book. It really stuck with me.
On a lesser level, Nikki discusses her relationship (and her mother's relationship) with her father, Zeke. She struggles with being the baby that tore apart her parents' relationship. She hears the dramatic stories about the almost-abortions and the fights. I found Zeke less convincing as a "real-life" figure; I didn't really understand his personality. In one moment, he is an ex-pretty boy who gets everything he wants; in another moment he is a father who is cold towards his children and buries himself in fixer-upper projects. Towards the end of the memoir, when Nikki reunites with her father, it was hard for me to recognize him at all.
Kathi is the real star here. I could read an entire book about her. I really hoped that With or Without You would be just that. And yes, while Nikki's toxic relationship with her mother is at the heart of this memoir, she also moves past it to detail her life when she finally leaves her mother. She writes about her intense struggle with alcohol and her inability to form healthy relationships. She writes about surviving. These are all topics that I wanted to invest myself in, but as I was reading I could only focus on the mother-daughter relationship. With so much overwhelming material, it was all I felt capable of dealing with. I almost didn't want to finish reading.
But I did finish reading, and I'm so glad that I did. When I meditated on it for a bit, I was in awe of Ruta's struggle, and her ability to take that struggle and put it into words. Her prose is beautiful and layered, and there are many passages that I marked to reread. While there were some chapters that seemed out of place to me (a chapter about family dogs, entitled "The Lady with the Little Dog," was too close to the end in my opinion, adding a weight that I found confusing), I generally appreciated how Ruta chose to break up her memoir. I certainly look forward to reading more from her.
heartofoak1's review against another edition
2.0
intrigued me because i know the town where she grew up. found much of the story hard to believe (everyone knew uncle vic was a pedophile and yet they still embraced him and let their children be alone with him? also, her mother became a millionaire running a transport company while drug addled...hmmm. over all a really, really sad story.
yourstrulyanabelle's review against another edition
5.0
as a girl with mommy issues, this book rly hit
ecote525's review against another edition
4.0
3.5 stars. Ruta writes beautifully and I love that it takes place in familiar territory (both physically and familial), but I found the prose to be a bit rambling at times.
clementinereads's review against another edition
4.0
It took me a little while to get through this one- I read a whole other book in the middle of it- but it was worth it. I think I needed to slowly digest it as I went along. It's THAT kind of book. I loved the ending and I did turn back to the front and read the first few pages again when I was finished. Highly recommended.