Scan barcode
jessicava13's review against another edition
1.0
All right.
I’m going to preface this review by saying I am aware of the allegations against this author, which include gaslighting, manipulation, sexual harassment and coercion. As a business owner they have scammed customers out of thousands of dollars. These allegations are credible and involve multiple people. I considered Quinn a friend, albeit one I didn’t know very well, and was deeply disturbed and disappointed to learn about their behavior.
I’m not here to talk about that.
I’m here to write an honest review of All Their Astral Light—just the craft. I believe in the capacity of every human being to learn and grow from their mistakes, and in the same vein I hope this author is able to improve as a writer. Their more serious personal failings aside, I have observed (corroborated by other friends and acquaintances) a very strong unwillingness to accept feedback and constructive criticism throughout the inception of this novel. I don’t expect they will see this review, but if they do, I hope they see it as a learning opportunity.
Full disclosure: I made it to 75% before I started skimming. I believe that is MORE than a fair shot I gave it. My TLDR review is that this book is poorly written and tedious, with a thin plot and weak characters. The worldbuilding isn’t bad, but it’s overshadowed by convoluted writing and lack of narrative tension. This book needed extensive developmental and line-level editing before it was publication-ready. It gives a bad name to self-published books, contributing to the widespread (though not *always* accurate) assumption that they are not on the same quality level as traditionally published books. This is a shame, because there are ideas here that could have been decent if exposed to proper critique and revision.
Let’s start with the blurb:
“For fans of Game of Thrones and Harrow The Ninth, with the emotive prose of This Is How You Lose The Time War, comes this debut epic fantasy about loss, sanity, the ties that bind, and what it means to be remembered.
The first war in history is shredding reality itself.
In a world where Seven Stars are worshipped by the inhabitants of Seven Provinces, violence and wonder bring together six impossibly dissonant people in a mad dash to save their world and before a phantasmal insanity takes them. Maybe the myths are true.
Maybe the Starchildren have returned. Maybe they could be a part of something cosmic and profound. But even Provinces must die, and even the Stars must fall.”
First off, it comps to Game of Thrones. I made this mistake with the first book I ever queried—you DON’T do this (same goes for other massive bestsellers like Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Twilight, The Hunger Games…), because it makes you sound delusional. Second, it’s incredibly vague. It’s just a bunch of words. “Loss, sanity, the ties that bind, and what it means to be remembered”—okay, but what is it ABOUT? You want to hook readers, you need specifics.
“The first war in history is shredding reality itself”—I actually really like this. It’s specific, evocative, and original. “In a world (etc)” is a little cheesy, like an old-fashioned movie trailer, but forgivable. Then, with “violence and wonder” we’re back in the realm of incomprehensibly vague. What are “violence and wonder”? This could mean anything. Again with “impossibly dissonant people”—why are they dissonant? Who are they? Why should we care? “Maybe they could be a part of something cosmic and profound”—what does that MEAN? I have no idea. I have zero incentive to pick up this book, because the blurb could be about any fantasy novel ever.
Now, THE WRITING.
That blurb is pretty representative of the writing in the rest of the book. At best, it’s dull and generic. At worst, it reads like a stream of consciousness from a self-conscious, subpar MFA student desperately trying to outwrite the person next to them. The prose is trying SO hard to be deep, firing on all cylinders to make you think it’s literary genius, it’s downright embarrassing.
When my ninth grade English teacher graded essays, she would often come across students who used adverbs like a crutch. She would put these students in “adverb jail”—just straight up ban them from using a single adverb in their next 2-3 essays, and make them learn to convey their point with other parts of speech. Now, professional writers know that adverbs are not BAD. We’re not all Hemingway. They just need to be used wisely, and in moderation.
This author needs to be put in adverb jail. Here’s a representative example: “Compliantly, he obeyed her command.” I can’t believe I am having to type this out, but “compliantly” is implied by “obeyed.” An adverb might be warranted if, say, he obeyed “reluctantly.” But “compliantly”? What? Was this book edited at all?
ATAL uses This Is How You Lose The Time War as a comp. That book was not for me, but I could still recognize the competence of the writing. I didn’t struggle with ATAL because I don’t like flowery prose; I struggled with it because I could not recognize the competence of the writing. The prose is bloated and inefficient, with redundancies everywhere. It appears the author could not bring themselves to part with a single word, believing all of it to be pure gold. And when I tell you this book could have been 25% as long and lost NOTHING, I am completely serious.
ATAL is full of turns of phrase that are downright perplexing. Some examples:
- “organs gushing out” - That’s not how organs work.
- blood referred to as “bastardized wine” ….. what?
- “He decided on clutching his hands in her hair and bolstering her fragile cosmos in his arms.” Her what now? I had to read this sentence three times and still have no idea what it means.
- “a slurred spike of disgust dropped into their stomach” - again. What?
- “spike” is used so frequently to describe emotions, it was distracting
Listen, I understand—I’ve written some terrible metaphors, too. That’s why you need critical, HONEST CPS and beta readers and editors to tell you what’s not working. The more you do that, the better your writing will get, and the fewer duds you’ll come up with.
And, we gotta talk about the melodrama, because that is the biggest problem with this book, in my opinion. Emotions and sensations are described like this on EVERY SINGLE PAGE:
“His own wrenching breath and the angry groan of his heart were all he could hear in his silent universe of sorrow.”
or:
“Sparking behind her eyes till it burned down into her throat. A trillion stars everywhere screaming out to her. Six marvelous orbs of shrieking light, hopelessly disconnected. A baring anger that stripped her whole. Nausea burning a forceful blare from navel to throat.”
There are so many problems with this passage I don’t even know where to begin—incomprehensibility and word proximity, to name two—and I cannot stress enough that this is representative of the ENTIRE book. It’s all written like this.
Here’s another representative paragraph:
“I know it spells disaster for any Meirydhi honoring the Alignment on that day. I suspect... I suspect it's why I feel them more clearly all the time, why my father's fear is getting stronger every day." There was a watery pause, one that tasted like withheld tears, and it drowned Osiys in rage. "But I can't take this to the Canestryn Ring, Osiys. You were right; Star charting is illegal for anyone not an Astronomer. Not even my own father could protect me from these laws. They will kill me."
His body fought the urge to crumple. Indra was right. She would die if she was found out; this was the carelessly pained act of a caged child. Her Starlight felt like the sprinkling of cool water, and he clamped down on the way his blood curdled at the thought of her father watching sternly as she poured blood onto the polished stone floor, the Starlight in her eyes fading out.”
Again, there is SO MUCH wrong here. The exposition-heavy, stilted dialogue. Does this sound like the way real humans talk? I don’t think so. That second paragraph, where I have no idea what’s going on. These characters with zero SHOWN personality, TELLING me all about how I’m supposed to feel for them. The one good turn of phrase that’s completely wasted in context.
Everything in ATAL is written to be big, dramatic, and emotional, so the end result is that nothing is. You can feel the narrative BEGGING you to care, to care so deeply it hurts. It is practically ORDERING you to care. And yet you don’t, because none of it is earned.
Let’s move on to THE PLOT.
Once again, I suspect this book never saw a developmental edit, and it desperately needed one.
ATAL opens with an epic battle, and I… have a lot to say about this.
First off: DO NOT OPEN YOUR BOOK WITH AN EPIC BATTLE IF YOU CANNOT GIVE ME A REASON TO CARE.
It’s page after page after page of the author basically saying “THIS IS SO EPIC. THIS IS SO EMOTIONAL. PLEASE FEEL SOMETHING.” It’s told through the lens of a character who is so bland, I forgot his name. I’m not even sure why HE cares about the epic battle that’s happening.
See, I know, as a fantasy writer, that it is tempting to start with the big stuff. It’s much more fun to write your battle of Helm’s Deep than it is to write everything building up to that. But the reason Helm’s Deep is so compelling is that we give a crap about Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Theoden, Eowyn, and Gandalf. If we didn’t already care about them, there would be no stakes.
And to be perfectly clear, I’ve seen this done before! It is possible—even PREFERABLE, if you’re me—to open your book with a bang. I hate fantasy openings where the character is just vibing in a village as much as the next guy. You can in fact start with action, an epic battle, a chase scene, etc, and do it effectively, IF you understand the inherent limits of this approach, and how to circumvent them. What you cannot do, if you want to hook a reader, is open with thirty pages of Helm’s Deep with a character you’re clearly not interested in developing because he is just a lens for the big dramatic set piece.
Hell, I’ve even seen “lens characters” done reasonably well. I had a CP who did this in his first chapter and I criticized him for it, but everything else he was doing was effective enough that it didn’t matter nearly as much.
ATAL’s opening, though? It’s just a bunch of weird faux deep vagueness, infodumping, and then when we finally get to some characterization, it’s fancy sentences to disguise the fact that what is being said is essentially “This is Character. This is his backstory. This is the country’s backstory. This is Character’s friend. This is her personality. This is her backstory. This is how magic works.” It breaks the most fundamental rules of “show, don’t tell.” It is agonizingly boring to read, and it does not. Let. Up.
At fifty percent into the book, the main cast has barely begun to meet up with each other. They’re on a mission, but there is no tension. No sense of direction, just people wandering around and feeling things I don’t care about.
ATAL uses Harrow The Ninth as a comp title, which is probably why the author seems to believe they could get away with such a confusing plot. And… no. HTN was confusing. but it was apparent from the beginning the author knew what she was doing. There is a difference between “confusing in a way that presents an interesting puzzle” and “baffling incompetence of narration.”
I read until 75% and skimmed the rest, and I could not for the life of me explain what happened in this book. 75% is also around the point where the “stream of consciousness” style of writing gets REALLY bad. At one point one of the characters gives birth, and I had never even been entirely clear that she was pregnant. Sure, maybe it would have made more sense if I’d read more carefully, but then I might have had a stroke.
The fact that I’m so confused is at least partly because the plot is explained, from the beginning, like this:
“I have just returned from an assembly with the Premiers of Chedhiy and Jopaar. It would seem that the Stars are not only moving more quickly and drawing nearer to us. They are also sending down to us their shattering astral home.”
The characters all react like this is very bad, but I have NO! IDEA! What it means! What are “Stars” in this universe and why is it always capitalized? What is a “shattering astral home”? Pretty language is not enough; you have to give us SOMETHING so we can understand what the hell is going on.
Speaking of: THE CHARACTERS.
Every narrator sounds exactly the same, and they all sound like the author’s instagram posts. These characters are supposed to have diverse backgrounds, cultures, and personalities, but there is NO difference in the way they all talk. They all use the same blend of extremely flowery language interspersed with profanity, which I think is supposed to be for emphasis, but it is used so randomly I’m honestly not sure.
It’s downright perplexing that I’m saying this because the plot was so thin, but SOMEHOW, the characters are even thinner. The narrative has a tendency to lose the POV when there’s action going on, or other characters are talking. Unless they’re narrating (in identical ways) the HORROR and the DRAMA of everything they’re experiencing, you might as well swap them out with iPhones recording everything. They’re vehicles and mouthpieces for whatever the author wants to happen.
Zech and Jauyne fall for each other, not because of any chemistry between them, but because the book apparently thought it would be neat to throw in a “hate to love” dynamic. I have no idea why they hate each other, except maybe that Jauyne is just kind of mean to everyone? Zech is extremely nice to her, which of course makes her hate him even more, and it’s sooooo heavy-handed. A shallow play-by-play of popular fantasy romance tropes. Zech is also described as “insane”, but it is never clear what this means. They hate each other, then have sex at 30%, and I had to flip back a few pages to see if I’d missed something, because… why? WHY? Why does anything happen in this book?
The sex, of course, is mind-blowing, magical, the best sex to ever sex. Nothing is just normal or average in this book, which is the problem. All these characters have experienced loss and trauma, but we’re just told about it. We’re TOLD how sad and dramatic it is, but we never get to know these people and feel that loss ourselves.
I can’t call this a character-driven book because the characters are all identical bundles of adverbs and THE MOST PROFOUND FEELINGS EVER. I could not force myself to care about any of them. I never felt a single emotion.
Finally, THE WORLDBUILDING.
I’m not going to talk much about this, because frankly, it was the least offensive part of the book. It shows the occasional hint of being interesting. I actually liked the ending and the sci-fi twist (*see endnote for spoiler), or at least the ideas therein. But again, it’s all couched in language so obtuse it becomes near impossible to understand. There are some good ideas here, and the author might even have a knack for creating atmosphere via sensory detail if they were willing to kill some darlings and EDIT.
I have absolutely read worse books. That is the best compliment I can offer, for ATAL.
I did not dislike this book because it was too complex for me to understand, or because I don’t like flowery prose, or because I dislike the genre, or because I have a personal vendetta against the author. I am both a fan and a writer of science fantasy, and I love big, complicated, twisty epics. I like pretty, stylized sentences. ATAL did not deliver in any of those departments.
It is clear to me that either the author has never worked with a serious CP (ie, someone not emotionally invested in giving them praise), or if they did, they were unable to take any criticism to heart. ATAL is competent on a technical level—more egregiously over-stylized than containing actual grammatical/syntactical ERRORS—but the content is riddled with very basic problems, the kind of problems most professional writers get out of their system VERY early.
IE: Show, don’t tell. Give us a reason to care ASAP. Ground us in the setting. Show, don’t tell. Infodump sparingly and strategically. Show, don’t tell. You can break these rules, but you have to inspire confidence you know wtf you’re doing first. You have to actually understand the rules. SHOW, DON’T TELL. Gahh.
Some other, stray observations:
- Adras is an obvious self-insert. They are the only nonbinary character of any narrative significance. Other than Adras, actually, the queer rep is surface-level and you have to squint to see it. Quinn describes themself as an “oracle” on social media, and Adras is an oracle, who is literally worshipped by all the good characters in this book. It’s weird.
- Page TWO describes a black person’s hair as “kinky.” Meanwhile, page ONE of google search results on this subject says that white people should probably not do that.
- Asian-coded character’s eyes are described as “slanted.” This is another thing white people should NOT do, per freaking GOOGLE.
- As far as I can tell, the entire main cast is white. This is not a diverse book, and based on the aforementioned details, I don't believe the author put an ounce of thought into this.
- The reviews used by this author to promote their book are… something. Some direct quotes: “I feel like I’m living the history of this story’s infamy and ascent into the halls of classic and important literature”; “people will be impressed at anyone who owns this book”; “this book should be studied in literature classes around the globe for its ability to dive deep in the caverns that are human emotions”; “never have I felt this way in all the fantastical legends, myths, and epics I’ve read.” And I get that different people have different reactions to books. I get that what didn’t work for me may very well be another reader’s jam. But…. seriously? Are these reviewers okay? Because this is not normal! I’ve never said this kind of thing about ANY book, even my all-time favorites. This is the sort of thing religious people say about their holy texts. And considering the borderline cult of personality the author built for their business, it’s… It’s just weird.
** The spoiler: The characters are all transported onto a spaceship. All the provinces are people from different planets. Again, a very neat idea, but it comes out of left field and isn’t well-executed—it’s basically “you guys are the special chosen ones because you can activate our magitech”, and this is not explained in any kind of meaningful detail (at least, not that was comprehensible to me). I will not be picking up the sequel to find out more.
I’m going to preface this review by saying I am aware of the allegations against this author, which include gaslighting, manipulation, sexual harassment and coercion. As a business owner they have scammed customers out of thousands of dollars. These allegations are credible and involve multiple people. I considered Quinn a friend, albeit one I didn’t know very well, and was deeply disturbed and disappointed to learn about their behavior.
I’m not here to talk about that.
I’m here to write an honest review of All Their Astral Light—just the craft. I believe in the capacity of every human being to learn and grow from their mistakes, and in the same vein I hope this author is able to improve as a writer. Their more serious personal failings aside, I have observed (corroborated by other friends and acquaintances) a very strong unwillingness to accept feedback and constructive criticism throughout the inception of this novel. I don’t expect they will see this review, but if they do, I hope they see it as a learning opportunity.
Full disclosure: I made it to 75% before I started skimming. I believe that is MORE than a fair shot I gave it. My TLDR review is that this book is poorly written and tedious, with a thin plot and weak characters. The worldbuilding isn’t bad, but it’s overshadowed by convoluted writing and lack of narrative tension. This book needed extensive developmental and line-level editing before it was publication-ready. It gives a bad name to self-published books, contributing to the widespread (though not *always* accurate) assumption that they are not on the same quality level as traditionally published books. This is a shame, because there are ideas here that could have been decent if exposed to proper critique and revision.
Let’s start with the blurb:
“For fans of Game of Thrones and Harrow The Ninth, with the emotive prose of This Is How You Lose The Time War, comes this debut epic fantasy about loss, sanity, the ties that bind, and what it means to be remembered.
The first war in history is shredding reality itself.
In a world where Seven Stars are worshipped by the inhabitants of Seven Provinces, violence and wonder bring together six impossibly dissonant people in a mad dash to save their world and before a phantasmal insanity takes them. Maybe the myths are true.
Maybe the Starchildren have returned. Maybe they could be a part of something cosmic and profound. But even Provinces must die, and even the Stars must fall.”
First off, it comps to Game of Thrones. I made this mistake with the first book I ever queried—you DON’T do this (same goes for other massive bestsellers like Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Twilight, The Hunger Games…), because it makes you sound delusional. Second, it’s incredibly vague. It’s just a bunch of words. “Loss, sanity, the ties that bind, and what it means to be remembered”—okay, but what is it ABOUT? You want to hook readers, you need specifics.
“The first war in history is shredding reality itself”—I actually really like this. It’s specific, evocative, and original. “In a world (etc)” is a little cheesy, like an old-fashioned movie trailer, but forgivable. Then, with “violence and wonder” we’re back in the realm of incomprehensibly vague. What are “violence and wonder”? This could mean anything. Again with “impossibly dissonant people”—why are they dissonant? Who are they? Why should we care? “Maybe they could be a part of something cosmic and profound”—what does that MEAN? I have no idea. I have zero incentive to pick up this book, because the blurb could be about any fantasy novel ever.
Now, THE WRITING.
That blurb is pretty representative of the writing in the rest of the book. At best, it’s dull and generic. At worst, it reads like a stream of consciousness from a self-conscious, subpar MFA student desperately trying to outwrite the person next to them. The prose is trying SO hard to be deep, firing on all cylinders to make you think it’s literary genius, it’s downright embarrassing.
When my ninth grade English teacher graded essays, she would often come across students who used adverbs like a crutch. She would put these students in “adverb jail”—just straight up ban them from using a single adverb in their next 2-3 essays, and make them learn to convey their point with other parts of speech. Now, professional writers know that adverbs are not BAD. We’re not all Hemingway. They just need to be used wisely, and in moderation.
This author needs to be put in adverb jail. Here’s a representative example: “Compliantly, he obeyed her command.” I can’t believe I am having to type this out, but “compliantly” is implied by “obeyed.” An adverb might be warranted if, say, he obeyed “reluctantly.” But “compliantly”? What? Was this book edited at all?
ATAL uses This Is How You Lose The Time War as a comp. That book was not for me, but I could still recognize the competence of the writing. I didn’t struggle with ATAL because I don’t like flowery prose; I struggled with it because I could not recognize the competence of the writing. The prose is bloated and inefficient, with redundancies everywhere. It appears the author could not bring themselves to part with a single word, believing all of it to be pure gold. And when I tell you this book could have been 25% as long and lost NOTHING, I am completely serious.
ATAL is full of turns of phrase that are downright perplexing. Some examples:
- “organs gushing out” - That’s not how organs work.
- blood referred to as “bastardized wine” ….. what?
- “He decided on clutching his hands in her hair and bolstering her fragile cosmos in his arms.” Her what now? I had to read this sentence three times and still have no idea what it means.
- “a slurred spike of disgust dropped into their stomach” - again. What?
- “spike” is used so frequently to describe emotions, it was distracting
Listen, I understand—I’ve written some terrible metaphors, too. That’s why you need critical, HONEST CPS and beta readers and editors to tell you what’s not working. The more you do that, the better your writing will get, and the fewer duds you’ll come up with.
And, we gotta talk about the melodrama, because that is the biggest problem with this book, in my opinion. Emotions and sensations are described like this on EVERY SINGLE PAGE:
“His own wrenching breath and the angry groan of his heart were all he could hear in his silent universe of sorrow.”
or:
“Sparking behind her eyes till it burned down into her throat. A trillion stars everywhere screaming out to her. Six marvelous orbs of shrieking light, hopelessly disconnected. A baring anger that stripped her whole. Nausea burning a forceful blare from navel to throat.”
There are so many problems with this passage I don’t even know where to begin—incomprehensibility and word proximity, to name two—and I cannot stress enough that this is representative of the ENTIRE book. It’s all written like this.
Here’s another representative paragraph:
“I know it spells disaster for any Meirydhi honoring the Alignment on that day. I suspect... I suspect it's why I feel them more clearly all the time, why my father's fear is getting stronger every day." There was a watery pause, one that tasted like withheld tears, and it drowned Osiys in rage. "But I can't take this to the Canestryn Ring, Osiys. You were right; Star charting is illegal for anyone not an Astronomer. Not even my own father could protect me from these laws. They will kill me."
His body fought the urge to crumple. Indra was right. She would die if she was found out; this was the carelessly pained act of a caged child. Her Starlight felt like the sprinkling of cool water, and he clamped down on the way his blood curdled at the thought of her father watching sternly as she poured blood onto the polished stone floor, the Starlight in her eyes fading out.”
Again, there is SO MUCH wrong here. The exposition-heavy, stilted dialogue. Does this sound like the way real humans talk? I don’t think so. That second paragraph, where I have no idea what’s going on. These characters with zero SHOWN personality, TELLING me all about how I’m supposed to feel for them. The one good turn of phrase that’s completely wasted in context.
Everything in ATAL is written to be big, dramatic, and emotional, so the end result is that nothing is. You can feel the narrative BEGGING you to care, to care so deeply it hurts. It is practically ORDERING you to care. And yet you don’t, because none of it is earned.
Let’s move on to THE PLOT.
Once again, I suspect this book never saw a developmental edit, and it desperately needed one.
ATAL opens with an epic battle, and I… have a lot to say about this.
First off: DO NOT OPEN YOUR BOOK WITH AN EPIC BATTLE IF YOU CANNOT GIVE ME A REASON TO CARE.
It’s page after page after page of the author basically saying “THIS IS SO EPIC. THIS IS SO EMOTIONAL. PLEASE FEEL SOMETHING.” It’s told through the lens of a character who is so bland, I forgot his name. I’m not even sure why HE cares about the epic battle that’s happening.
See, I know, as a fantasy writer, that it is tempting to start with the big stuff. It’s much more fun to write your battle of Helm’s Deep than it is to write everything building up to that. But the reason Helm’s Deep is so compelling is that we give a crap about Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Theoden, Eowyn, and Gandalf. If we didn’t already care about them, there would be no stakes.
And to be perfectly clear, I’ve seen this done before! It is possible—even PREFERABLE, if you’re me—to open your book with a bang. I hate fantasy openings where the character is just vibing in a village as much as the next guy. You can in fact start with action, an epic battle, a chase scene, etc, and do it effectively, IF you understand the inherent limits of this approach, and how to circumvent them. What you cannot do, if you want to hook a reader, is open with thirty pages of Helm’s Deep with a character you’re clearly not interested in developing because he is just a lens for the big dramatic set piece.
Hell, I’ve even seen “lens characters” done reasonably well. I had a CP who did this in his first chapter and I criticized him for it, but everything else he was doing was effective enough that it didn’t matter nearly as much.
ATAL’s opening, though? It’s just a bunch of weird faux deep vagueness, infodumping, and then when we finally get to some characterization, it’s fancy sentences to disguise the fact that what is being said is essentially “This is Character. This is his backstory. This is the country’s backstory. This is Character’s friend. This is her personality. This is her backstory. This is how magic works.” It breaks the most fundamental rules of “show, don’t tell.” It is agonizingly boring to read, and it does not. Let. Up.
At fifty percent into the book, the main cast has barely begun to meet up with each other. They’re on a mission, but there is no tension. No sense of direction, just people wandering around and feeling things I don’t care about.
ATAL uses Harrow The Ninth as a comp title, which is probably why the author seems to believe they could get away with such a confusing plot. And… no. HTN was confusing. but it was apparent from the beginning the author knew what she was doing. There is a difference between “confusing in a way that presents an interesting puzzle” and “baffling incompetence of narration.”
I read until 75% and skimmed the rest, and I could not for the life of me explain what happened in this book. 75% is also around the point where the “stream of consciousness” style of writing gets REALLY bad. At one point one of the characters gives birth, and I had never even been entirely clear that she was pregnant. Sure, maybe it would have made more sense if I’d read more carefully, but then I might have had a stroke.
The fact that I’m so confused is at least partly because the plot is explained, from the beginning, like this:
“I have just returned from an assembly with the Premiers of Chedhiy and Jopaar. It would seem that the Stars are not only moving more quickly and drawing nearer to us. They are also sending down to us their shattering astral home.”
The characters all react like this is very bad, but I have NO! IDEA! What it means! What are “Stars” in this universe and why is it always capitalized? What is a “shattering astral home”? Pretty language is not enough; you have to give us SOMETHING so we can understand what the hell is going on.
Speaking of: THE CHARACTERS.
Every narrator sounds exactly the same, and they all sound like the author’s instagram posts. These characters are supposed to have diverse backgrounds, cultures, and personalities, but there is NO difference in the way they all talk. They all use the same blend of extremely flowery language interspersed with profanity, which I think is supposed to be for emphasis, but it is used so randomly I’m honestly not sure.
It’s downright perplexing that I’m saying this because the plot was so thin, but SOMEHOW, the characters are even thinner. The narrative has a tendency to lose the POV when there’s action going on, or other characters are talking. Unless they’re narrating (in identical ways) the HORROR and the DRAMA of everything they’re experiencing, you might as well swap them out with iPhones recording everything. They’re vehicles and mouthpieces for whatever the author wants to happen.
Zech and Jauyne fall for each other, not because of any chemistry between them, but because the book apparently thought it would be neat to throw in a “hate to love” dynamic. I have no idea why they hate each other, except maybe that Jauyne is just kind of mean to everyone? Zech is extremely nice to her, which of course makes her hate him even more, and it’s sooooo heavy-handed. A shallow play-by-play of popular fantasy romance tropes. Zech is also described as “insane”, but it is never clear what this means. They hate each other, then have sex at 30%, and I had to flip back a few pages to see if I’d missed something, because… why? WHY? Why does anything happen in this book?
The sex, of course, is mind-blowing, magical, the best sex to ever sex. Nothing is just normal or average in this book, which is the problem. All these characters have experienced loss and trauma, but we’re just told about it. We’re TOLD how sad and dramatic it is, but we never get to know these people and feel that loss ourselves.
I can’t call this a character-driven book because the characters are all identical bundles of adverbs and THE MOST PROFOUND FEELINGS EVER. I could not force myself to care about any of them. I never felt a single emotion.
Finally, THE WORLDBUILDING.
I’m not going to talk much about this, because frankly, it was the least offensive part of the book. It shows the occasional hint of being interesting. I actually liked the ending and the sci-fi twist (*see endnote for spoiler), or at least the ideas therein. But again, it’s all couched in language so obtuse it becomes near impossible to understand. There are some good ideas here, and the author might even have a knack for creating atmosphere via sensory detail if they were willing to kill some darlings and EDIT.
I have absolutely read worse books. That is the best compliment I can offer, for ATAL.
I did not dislike this book because it was too complex for me to understand, or because I don’t like flowery prose, or because I dislike the genre, or because I have a personal vendetta against the author. I am both a fan and a writer of science fantasy, and I love big, complicated, twisty epics. I like pretty, stylized sentences. ATAL did not deliver in any of those departments.
It is clear to me that either the author has never worked with a serious CP (ie, someone not emotionally invested in giving them praise), or if they did, they were unable to take any criticism to heart. ATAL is competent on a technical level—more egregiously over-stylized than containing actual grammatical/syntactical ERRORS—but the content is riddled with very basic problems, the kind of problems most professional writers get out of their system VERY early.
IE: Show, don’t tell. Give us a reason to care ASAP. Ground us in the setting. Show, don’t tell. Infodump sparingly and strategically. Show, don’t tell. You can break these rules, but you have to inspire confidence you know wtf you’re doing first. You have to actually understand the rules. SHOW, DON’T TELL. Gahh.
Some other, stray observations:
- Adras is an obvious self-insert. They are the only nonbinary character of any narrative significance. Other than Adras, actually, the queer rep is surface-level and you have to squint to see it. Quinn describes themself as an “oracle” on social media, and Adras is an oracle, who is literally worshipped by all the good characters in this book. It’s weird.
- Page TWO describes a black person’s hair as “kinky.” Meanwhile, page ONE of google search results on this subject says that white people should probably not do that.
- Asian-coded character’s eyes are described as “slanted.” This is another thing white people should NOT do, per freaking GOOGLE.
- As far as I can tell, the entire main cast is white. This is not a diverse book, and based on the aforementioned details, I don't believe the author put an ounce of thought into this.
- The reviews used by this author to promote their book are… something. Some direct quotes: “I feel like I’m living the history of this story’s infamy and ascent into the halls of classic and important literature”; “people will be impressed at anyone who owns this book”; “this book should be studied in literature classes around the globe for its ability to dive deep in the caverns that are human emotions”; “never have I felt this way in all the fantastical legends, myths, and epics I’ve read.” And I get that different people have different reactions to books. I get that what didn’t work for me may very well be another reader’s jam. But…. seriously? Are these reviewers okay? Because this is not normal! I’ve never said this kind of thing about ANY book, even my all-time favorites. This is the sort of thing religious people say about their holy texts. And considering the borderline cult of personality the author built for their business, it’s… It’s just weird.
** The spoiler: The characters are all transported onto a spaceship. All the provinces are people from different planets. Again, a very neat idea, but it comes out of left field and isn’t well-executed—it’s basically “you guys are the special chosen ones because you can activate our magitech”, and this is not explained in any kind of meaningful detail (at least, not that was comprehensible to me). I will not be picking up the sequel to find out more.
born_to_be_chey's review against another edition
5.0
All Their Astral Light by Quinn Caslan
Are you ready to be swept away into a world that will fully immerse you into the realm, relationships, and most of all emotions? Get in Loser, we’re going to Allesar!!
Get ready for…
* Gorgeous poetic prose which will have you enjoying the fresh air one moment and crying the next
* All types of love
* Impeccable Queer Rep throughout
* SPICE
* Feeling completely understood and seen
* Characters which you can relate to and connect with
* Battles, mystery, torture, loss, and connection
“I believe we are here to remember who we are made to be— that we can be more than the role that lesser men have given us to play, that we can choose the improbable path and take it” — Adras
When I tell you this incredible book is a wild ride, I mean it will change you, no matter what. This book is not for you if you want an effortless, easy read where you can check out, this is NOT that. This book is untamed and wild, it will drag you through the mud, and your emotions, and spit you out on the other side. Battered, questioning, and in dire need of the next installment.
That is part of what makes this book so unique, it draws you in, and it makes you a part of the story. You are in Allesar with these characters, you are by their sides through their struggles, you laugh with them, cry with them, they are a part of you now. They are family.
This book is definitely for you if you love magic, fantasy, sci-fi, world-building, phenomenal characters, unique perspectives, and everything that comes with real life. This may be fantasy, but it is real. It isn’t glossed over and manicured, it is raw, unchecked, and the closest thing I’ve read to a real-life experience in a sci-fi/fantasy setting.
“I’m capable of much more than that which I’m given credit for.” —Indra
Sometimes we must break to be forged stronger yet. So what are you waiting for?
Are you ready to be swept away into a world that will fully immerse you into the realm, relationships, and most of all emotions? Get in Loser, we’re going to Allesar!!
Get ready for…
* Gorgeous poetic prose which will have you enjoying the fresh air one moment and crying the next
* All types of love
* Impeccable Queer Rep throughout
* SPICE
* Feeling completely understood and seen
* Characters which you can relate to and connect with
* Battles, mystery, torture, loss, and connection
“I believe we are here to remember who we are made to be— that we can be more than the role that lesser men have given us to play, that we can choose the improbable path and take it” — Adras
When I tell you this incredible book is a wild ride, I mean it will change you, no matter what. This book is not for you if you want an effortless, easy read where you can check out, this is NOT that. This book is untamed and wild, it will drag you through the mud, and your emotions, and spit you out on the other side. Battered, questioning, and in dire need of the next installment.
That is part of what makes this book so unique, it draws you in, and it makes you a part of the story. You are in Allesar with these characters, you are by their sides through their struggles, you laugh with them, cry with them, they are a part of you now. They are family.
This book is definitely for you if you love magic, fantasy, sci-fi, world-building, phenomenal characters, unique perspectives, and everything that comes with real life. This may be fantasy, but it is real. It isn’t glossed over and manicured, it is raw, unchecked, and the closest thing I’ve read to a real-life experience in a sci-fi/fantasy setting.
“I’m capable of much more than that which I’m given credit for.” —Indra
Sometimes we must break to be forged stronger yet. So what are you waiting for?
kappareads's review
3.0
I recieved an eARC from the author in exchange for a review. All opinions are my own.
CW as provided by the author (and visible on amazon and in the book itself):
If you’re looking at this indie adult fantasy and worried that the writing style might be simplistic or clunky, don’t worry. The writing voice was spot on, descriptions were detailed, and character emotions taken into account. For a debut author, I’m very impressed.
My biggest critique is that very little happens for the majority of this 400+ page book, or if things happen, they move slowly. We start off with a bang in the first chapter, a battle that really gets you paying attention. After that moment, it’s a lot of meandering with little clear point. The chapter headers are very nice in that they include who the chapter POV is from, where they are in the world, and how much time has passed from this world-shattering event. It’s useful to the reader to situate themselves, but it also further shows how much time has passed with no action having taken place.
It's not that I can’t enjoy a book with a lot of meandering, where you’re not 100% sure what is being built up to, but usually in those cases, you know you’re building up to something. For a while, I didn’t know what the end goal was. I think if this book built up to the action that happened in chapter 1 and the characters were trying to help or hinder that action, it would’ve been a much stronger book.
In sort of a similar vein, there were a couple of instances where things would happen off page that I wish we had seen on page, instead of seeing them talk about what just happened. We also never got an explanation on the magic system. I don't necessarily need like a textbook on the history and mechanics it works, I just never understood how it works, so when magic use was described, I was a little confused.
This book also has queer characters! There are plenty of bi characters, gay characters, and a nonbinary character plus plenty of relationships that are platonic!
I rated this book 3 stars! For all my issues with the book, I never felt the urge to DNF it, so it was holding my interest. I won't be continuing the series, but if the author writes another series one day, I'll pick that up!
CW as provided by the author (and visible on amazon and in the book itself):
Spoiler
Verbal abuse, childhood family trauma, harming of a child (flashback- not a POV character), entrapment/claustrophbic moment (POV character), psychosis (very general, frequent throughout book), misgendering and mockery of a nonbinary person, sexual assault, traumatic birth of a child, suicide (flashback/memory), suicidal thoughts (POV character), torture (POV character, involves bodily fluids), body horror, graphic descriptions of violence/war, explicit descriptions of sexual acts, and spiritual manipulationIf you’re looking at this indie adult fantasy and worried that the writing style might be simplistic or clunky, don’t worry. The writing voice was spot on, descriptions were detailed, and character emotions taken into account. For a debut author, I’m very impressed.
My biggest critique is that very little happens for the majority of this 400+ page book, or if things happen, they move slowly. We start off with a bang in the first chapter, a battle that really gets you paying attention. After that moment, it’s a lot of meandering with little clear point. The chapter headers are very nice in that they include who the chapter POV is from, where they are in the world, and how much time has passed from this world-shattering event. It’s useful to the reader to situate themselves, but it also further shows how much time has passed with no action having taken place.
It's not that I can’t enjoy a book with a lot of meandering, where you’re not 100% sure what is being built up to, but usually in those cases, you know you’re building up to something. For a while, I didn’t know what the end goal was. I think if this book built up to the action that happened in chapter 1 and the characters were trying to help or hinder that action, it would’ve been a much stronger book.
In sort of a similar vein, there were a couple of instances where things would happen off page that I wish we had seen on page, instead of seeing them talk about what just happened. We also never got an explanation on the magic system. I don't necessarily need like a textbook on the history and mechanics it works, I just never understood how it works, so when magic use was described, I was a little confused.
This book also has queer characters! There are plenty of bi characters, gay characters, and a nonbinary character plus plenty of relationships that are platonic!
I rated this book 3 stars! For all my issues with the book, I never felt the urge to DNF it, so it was holding my interest. I won't be continuing the series, but if the author writes another series one day, I'll pick that up!
corners_of_cozy's review against another edition
adventurous
challenging
dark
emotional
inspiring
mysterious
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
awitchinthelibrary's review against another edition
1.0
heads up for anyone considering reading this: the author has been credibly accused by multiple people of sexual, financial and emotional abuse. do not support this author.
marleywrites's review
adventurous
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
1.0
The smut was good. And that was all.
**EDIT 12/18/22**
This author has disappointed so many folks. They have sexually harassed others and partook in multiple unethical spiritual endeavors. They have not yet taken responsibility for their actions nor truly apologized. They have claimed they’ve refunded the people they conned. Tread lightly with this author. I will not be following their accounts any longer, so please be aware to check their account before supporting.
**EDIT 12/18/22**
This author has disappointed so many folks. They have sexually harassed others and partook in multiple unethical spiritual endeavors. They have not yet taken responsibility for their actions nor truly apologized. They have claimed they’ve refunded the people they conned. Tread lightly with this author. I will not be following their accounts any longer, so please be aware to check their account before supporting.
angelas_book_nook's review
adventurous
emotional
mysterious
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
5.0
booksandblackshirts's review against another edition
5.0
This is such a unique, beautiful book and I enjoyed every second I spent reading (even through the emotional turmoil you will eventually experience).
With elements of fantasy and sci-fi, this book provides a mysterious and detailed atmosphere that weaves the reader into the story. I had a hard time putting it down because I needed to know what was going to happen next! Quinn has an intricate, effortless, and meticulous way of describing the complex magic systems present in addition to the complexity of interpersonal relationships between characters as well as individual nuances.
The first portion of the book is context and story building heavy and might feel a bit slower depending on what you are used to reading - I encourage you to keep going because it is absolutely necessary to immerse you into the events to follow.
I can't wait to see what is next for these characters. If you are looking for a unique story with dynamic characters, a complex and well thought out magic system, and page turning adventures - I encourage you to pick up this book!
With elements of fantasy and sci-fi, this book provides a mysterious and detailed atmosphere that weaves the reader into the story. I had a hard time putting it down because I needed to know what was going to happen next! Quinn has an intricate, effortless, and meticulous way of describing the complex magic systems present in addition to the complexity of interpersonal relationships between characters as well as individual nuances.
The first portion of the book is context and story building heavy and might feel a bit slower depending on what you are used to reading - I encourage you to keep going because it is absolutely necessary to immerse you into the events to follow.
I can't wait to see what is next for these characters. If you are looking for a unique story with dynamic characters, a complex and well thought out magic system, and page turning adventures - I encourage you to pick up this book!