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Graphic: Ableism, Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Alcoholism, Body shaming, Bullying, Cancer, Chronic illness, Confinement, Cursing, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Fatphobia, Hate crime, Homophobia, Infidelity, Mental illness, Misogyny, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Racial slurs, Racism, Sexism, Sexual content, Terminal illness, Toxic relationship, Antisemitism, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, Stalking, Outing, Cultural appropriation, Gaslighting, Toxic friendship, Abandonment, Alcohol, Sexual harassment, Dysphoria, Classism
And he had been, all those years, just as lost as we were, living on faces, music, the hope of love, and getting farther and farther away from any chance of it..."
"We are free to do anything, live anywhere; it doesn't matter. We're completely free and that's the horror."
"They were all looking at the new faces with an odd sensation of death, for they had all been new faces once."
"Dreams decompose, darling, like anything else. And they give off gases, some of which are poisonous and all of which are unpleasant, and so one goes away from the place in which the dreams were dreamed, and are now decomposing before your very eyes. Otherwise, you might die, dear, of monoxide poisoning."
"We are not doomed because we are homosexual, my dear, we are doomed only if we live in despair because of it."
...
"I have submitted your letter to the Colombia Graduate School Faculty, for I can understand about half of it."
Reading it now and I suppose to an extent in the late '70s, it is very much a love letter to that lost world of gay New York between Stonewall and AIDS. Malone and Sutherland especially are wonderful characters and you do wish you could dance with them. The narration is very cleverly done as well in terms of viewpoints and the ending and well everything, go read this if you can track it down.
This was a great novel. The best gay novel of all time? The jury is out on giving it that title. Overall, a very enjoyable book.
Several notes:
- Phenomenal prose. Holleran is so in love with the city, and his homage to the New York underground so very well encapsulates the Warhol-esque experience of gay young adults at the time.
- Intriguing and often-unlikeable, however sympathetic, characters. Malone’s coming-to-terms with his sexuality, boyhood, religion, and place in society is so relatable. His character reads as tragic, but so do other primary characters of the novel. Sutherland is by far one my favorite characters, albeit he is also very tragic and quite flawed. His drug use is a constant character in itself, his dialogue is so well-characterized. I found myself mourning for him at the end of the book the most.
- DIALOGUE! Some of Sutherland’s dialogue made me laugh out loud. Some primary examples:
“I was into heavy SM. Now all I want is a hug and a kiss.” He stubbed his cigarette on the stoop, and said it in an aside to the garbage can, as he tossed it there: “And an emerald parure.”
“Falling in love is such a delicate matter,” he said, lighting up a Gauloise, “Really like timing a roast.”
Overall, the novel sprawls and basically beats its primary themes to death: the search for true beauty, the mourning of youth in gay culture, and the helpless nature of drug and cruising culture. I feel like I should read it again when I’m 30 or 40.