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A review by lindarlissima
The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks
1.0
According to Goodreads, I’ve read nearly 500 books over the course of my life. These range from history to mysteries to science to Jane Austen to fantasy. I enjoy the occasional trashy novel and I adore Dickens so I can handle a good bit of sap and melodrama. I’m telling you this so that you can fully understand the significance when I tell you that this is the worst book I’ve ever read. This book was so bad that, while listening to it in the car alone, I could not simply roll my eyes at the terrible writing and cliché interactions. This book could have killed me, the instinct to throw my hands in the air while shouting “Oh come on!!!” was so strong. I restrained myself to shouts but it was very difficult because I was so filled with rage.
Rage? Why rage? Oh I’m so glad you asked. The main source of rage stemmed from the fact that this book is a best seller, has been made into a popular film, and the author writes other presumably just as terrible books that are all just as inexplicably popular. This man offended me, mocked my intelligence by thinking he can write such trash without any irony and sell it to me.
Why did I hate it so much? Thrilled to explain.
Sexism: this book was obviously written by a man.
1. I assure you that, upon undressing to get in the shower, I never ever stopped to admire my own figure, even when I was younger and thinner. I’ve done a small survey amongst my female friends and they’ve confirmed that I am not an outlier here. Yet Alison at the beginning undresses for the shower, and stops to admire her shapely breasts and slender legs. Only a man thinks that girls do this.
2. The main character sleeps with her high school summer boyfriend (a rare thing for girls of the time period) and then doesn’t have sex again for 14 years, despite a four year engagement? Only a man would find it necessary to have the girl “save herself” for him.
3. "She was pretty still..." after 14 years, so she's what, late 20s? Thank goodness her beauty held up into her old age. Jerk.
Racism or at least insensitivity to race: there is precisely one person of color in the book, which is understandable because it's about white people. But the one person of color serves only in the "wise old black man" role, issuing trite pronouncements about love like "My daddy used to tell me 'the first time you fall in love it changes your life forever, and no matter how hard you try, the feelin' never goes away.’ This girl you been tellin' me about was your first love. And no matter what you do, she'll stay with you forever." Barf.
Unnecessary detail: Yes, I know how tea is made. But here's how they do it in the Notebook. "He went to the stove. He filled up a pot with water. He took a cup. He put the tea bag in the cup. He waited for the water to boil, then poured it over the tea bag and handed it to Allie." Also some agonizing detail about making crabs and about showering, basic hygiene practices, getting dressed.
Time period inconsistency: The books takes place in the 40s really just so he could have the characters be old in the present time. But there's no indication of the time-period and I often forgot it was supposed to take place then. Why does the main character go around without a bra in the 40s?
TERRIBLE WRITING: This was written at about a 3rd grade reading level, aside from the unnecessarily graphic and somehow completely uninspiring sex scene. I think the book had a vocabulary of about 200 words, all rudimentary, and the word "love" was repeated maybe a thousand times, the word "beautiful" probably another thousand. Here are some typical sentences.
1. "He was from a different class, too poor, and they would never approve if their daughter became serious with someone like him.” Trite trite trite. A ten-year-old would write this.
2. "I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, every day we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours." Again, very basic and obvious. Not to mention sappy.
3. "I wonder if she knows I think she's beautiful." Um, what?
4. "Poetry brings great joy but also great sadness." Does it?
5. "I don't care what my parents think. I love you and always will. We'll find a way to be together." Again, so trite. It almost seems like a parody of a romance.
6. "'A living poem' had always been the words that came to mind when he tried to describe her to others. " What the hell does that even mean?
Unrealistic plot:
1. I asked my husband why he's never taken me out on a canoe and read me poetry. I guess we have a loveless marriage.
2. They went out on a lake when it was about to rain and she's wearing a white dress. Oh no! Better get out of those clothes or you'll catch cold!
3. The only part that was vaguely realistic was the heartbreaking horror of dementia and old age in general. Until he had Allison miraculously remember who she was and who he was while they had some blissful old-age sex.
4. As teenagers, this couple spends one summer together and are still desperately in love after 14 years of not seeing or hearing from each other. Noah writes frequent letters which go unanswered (take the hint, dude). Allie doesn't hear from him but doesn't think to write letters to him at all even though she's desperately in love with him. Maybe this complaint should have been listed under the "sexism" section.
5. He has Allie cheat on two guys during the book, but we're supposed to identify with her and be rooting for her?
6. Noah - rugged, handsome, man-of-the-land, poor, hard-working. YAWN.
7. I spent a lot of time reading other one-star reviews because I felt such a disconnect between my feelings and the amount of copies of this book sold. I can do no better than quote another review here: She comes back into his life, and he rolls over for her like a submissive dog. Yes, come to my home and drink my beer and cheat on your fiancé, and I won't ask any questions because YOU ARE MY TRUE LOVE AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER NO MATTER WHAT. Then after a night of passionate lovemaking (and a strangely understanding visit from the mother we are told is so staunchly classist and controlling), she says, "Oh yeah, that whole fiancé thing...have to go, sorry." And Noah is all, "I LOVE YOU FOREVER, WHATEVER YOU DO IS OKAY WITH ME." REALLY? Have some balls, man.
8. Noah went to war, saw some "horrible things" but appears to be perfectly fine.
9. Allie about to be married to a guy she's known for years and been engaged to for four. Yet she runs off, lying to him "I'm going shopping!" to go see her old high school fling. What was she planning? Oh, she doesn't know, no plans, really, just desperate to see him but better plan to be away the whole weekend with a good excuse like shopping. Shockingly, she ends up spending the weekend shacked up with her old boyfriend. He doesn't seem concerned about the fiancé or what her plans are after their weekend together. She then plans to go back to fiancé. He's cool with that.
Originally I felt bad while reading this book because I was already picturing the review I'd write. But as I said, I started being angry because this author wrote such crap and there is NO WAY he can think that it's not crap. It's impossible. He knows he's writing crap and is taking advantage of teenage girls to make a fortune. Terrible, terrible book.
So, yeah, I didn't like it. Out.
Rage? Why rage? Oh I’m so glad you asked. The main source of rage stemmed from the fact that this book is a best seller, has been made into a popular film, and the author writes other presumably just as terrible books that are all just as inexplicably popular. This man offended me, mocked my intelligence by thinking he can write such trash without any irony and sell it to me.
Why did I hate it so much? Thrilled to explain.
Sexism: this book was obviously written by a man.
1. I assure you that, upon undressing to get in the shower, I never ever stopped to admire my own figure, even when I was younger and thinner. I’ve done a small survey amongst my female friends and they’ve confirmed that I am not an outlier here. Yet Alison at the beginning undresses for the shower, and stops to admire her shapely breasts and slender legs. Only a man thinks that girls do this.
2. The main character sleeps with her high school summer boyfriend (a rare thing for girls of the time period) and then doesn’t have sex again for 14 years, despite a four year engagement? Only a man would find it necessary to have the girl “save herself” for him.
3. "She was pretty still..." after 14 years, so she's what, late 20s? Thank goodness her beauty held up into her old age. Jerk.
Racism or at least insensitivity to race: there is precisely one person of color in the book, which is understandable because it's about white people. But the one person of color serves only in the "wise old black man" role, issuing trite pronouncements about love like "My daddy used to tell me 'the first time you fall in love it changes your life forever, and no matter how hard you try, the feelin' never goes away.’ This girl you been tellin' me about was your first love. And no matter what you do, she'll stay with you forever." Barf.
Unnecessary detail: Yes, I know how tea is made. But here's how they do it in the Notebook. "He went to the stove. He filled up a pot with water. He took a cup. He put the tea bag in the cup. He waited for the water to boil, then poured it over the tea bag and handed it to Allie." Also some agonizing detail about making crabs and about showering, basic hygiene practices, getting dressed.
Time period inconsistency: The books takes place in the 40s really just so he could have the characters be old in the present time. But there's no indication of the time-period and I often forgot it was supposed to take place then. Why does the main character go around without a bra in the 40s?
TERRIBLE WRITING: This was written at about a 3rd grade reading level, aside from the unnecessarily graphic and somehow completely uninspiring sex scene. I think the book had a vocabulary of about 200 words, all rudimentary, and the word "love" was repeated maybe a thousand times, the word "beautiful" probably another thousand. Here are some typical sentences.
1. "He was from a different class, too poor, and they would never approve if their daughter became serious with someone like him.” Trite trite trite. A ten-year-old would write this.
2. "I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, every day we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours." Again, very basic and obvious. Not to mention sappy.
3. "I wonder if she knows I think she's beautiful." Um, what?
4. "Poetry brings great joy but also great sadness." Does it?
5. "I don't care what my parents think. I love you and always will. We'll find a way to be together." Again, so trite. It almost seems like a parody of a romance.
6. "'A living poem' had always been the words that came to mind when he tried to describe her to others. " What the hell does that even mean?
Unrealistic plot:
1. I asked my husband why he's never taken me out on a canoe and read me poetry. I guess we have a loveless marriage.
2. They went out on a lake when it was about to rain and she's wearing a white dress. Oh no! Better get out of those clothes or you'll catch cold!
3. The only part that was vaguely realistic was the heartbreaking horror of dementia and old age in general. Until he had Allison miraculously remember who she was and who he was while they had some blissful old-age sex.
4. As teenagers, this couple spends one summer together and are still desperately in love after 14 years of not seeing or hearing from each other. Noah writes frequent letters which go unanswered (take the hint, dude). Allie doesn't hear from him but doesn't think to write letters to him at all even though she's desperately in love with him. Maybe this complaint should have been listed under the "sexism" section.
5. He has Allie cheat on two guys during the book, but we're supposed to identify with her and be rooting for her?
6. Noah - rugged, handsome, man-of-the-land, poor, hard-working. YAWN.
7. I spent a lot of time reading other one-star reviews because I felt such a disconnect between my feelings and the amount of copies of this book sold. I can do no better than quote another review here: She comes back into his life, and he rolls over for her like a submissive dog. Yes, come to my home and drink my beer and cheat on your fiancé, and I won't ask any questions because YOU ARE MY TRUE LOVE AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER NO MATTER WHAT. Then after a night of passionate lovemaking (and a strangely understanding visit from the mother we are told is so staunchly classist and controlling), she says, "Oh yeah, that whole fiancé thing...have to go, sorry." And Noah is all, "I LOVE YOU FOREVER, WHATEVER YOU DO IS OKAY WITH ME." REALLY? Have some balls, man.
8. Noah went to war, saw some "horrible things" but appears to be perfectly fine.
9. Allie about to be married to a guy she's known for years and been engaged to for four. Yet she runs off, lying to him "I'm going shopping!" to go see her old high school fling. What was she planning? Oh, she doesn't know, no plans, really, just desperate to see him but better plan to be away the whole weekend with a good excuse like shopping. Shockingly, she ends up spending the weekend shacked up with her old boyfriend. He doesn't seem concerned about the fiancé or what her plans are after their weekend together. She then plans to go back to fiancé. He's cool with that.
Originally I felt bad while reading this book because I was already picturing the review I'd write. But as I said, I started being angry because this author wrote such crap and there is NO WAY he can think that it's not crap. It's impossible. He knows he's writing crap and is taking advantage of teenage girls to make a fortune. Terrible, terrible book.
So, yeah, I didn't like it. Out.