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A review by laine37
Dracula by Bram Stoker
dark
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
2.5
I decided to read Dracula. The unabridged version, I take it. This was a bad idea. Or, perhaps, to get into the spirit of things...
Prose
"Meine Got! O! Woe is me friend reader. To think miene flying spaghetti monster would abandon me so, to think that I would fall from its warm noodly arms, which had oh so caressed me . Oh dear, precious juices gone, a life of meatless darkness awaits me! (Mem. Must remember to give the recipe for spaghetti to Andrew) How can I go on alone, cold, and starving. I must steel myself and hold true to meine squelchy beliefs of old, for though I am gone from its warmth, believe and spirit are the only true things is this cold dark abyss of a world. Upon them I shall hold myself and push ever onward. But! So! Well! So is the human spirit strong Meine Herr. Strong such that it may withstand any terrible blow." I breathed in and squared my shoulders. "We must prevail! And vanquish this darkness!"
And that's not 1% of the speeches one Van Helsing delivers throughout this book. Indeed, at (kindle) location 5407 he gives a 1200 word speech. And indeed many a paragraph waffles past 500 words. Scarce, however, is anything of value said.
The only comfort to be found in the prose is the occasional flair of well crafted poetry, but these are rare and short indeed. Otherwise, the verbosity seems to be dedicated to little more than witless sermons regarding the human spirit, given by a man who is possessed of not one ounce such. This brings us to the next topic
Characters
They're cardboard cutouts, all of them. They do not feel as if real people, they feel like Gothic action figures. Utterly 2 dimensional and awaiting directions of the author. Van Helsing is probably one of the earliest Garu Stus put to press. He knows all, he is eternally wise, significantly strong, he has no intellectual equal, and possesses the biggest, warmest heart. Worse than his perfection, however, is his monologues. Meine Got! Whenever he speaks, it's 2 lines or 50, with little in between.
The rest aren't even worth talking about. Apart from Renfield. He was perfectly adequate, but not much more.
Plot
A garbled mess.
Beyond that, however, there's lots of stupid stuff. Like not giving people crosses to wear (As they seem to be the only thing that can fully repel a vampire. Honestly, I'd prefer to take the approach of locking one around my neck if I were in this world, because of hypnotism). Despite them really needing crosses.
The book also makes clear that the antagonist has some pretty easy win conditions (like burying a coffin or picking them off one by one) but he never bothers and instead runs away.
World Building
Not really relevant. It functions.
Social Stuff
One of the female characters does something smart and this is the response "“Ah, that wonderful Madam Mina! She has man’s brain—a brain that a man should have were he much gifted—and woman’s heart. The good God fashioned her for a purpose, believe me, when He made that so good combination."
And I'm just gonna let that speak for itself.
I get it, this book is 130 years old, but the gender stuff is just annoying to read oh so endlessly. Just about every tenth page the men cry for the hearts of their weak womenfolk. Indeed, Dracula has three ticking clocks and all of them are instances of women being at risk of becoming vampires (Mina counts for 2, imo). At one point they decide to keep secrets from Mina, such as to not discuss anything relating to their mission while she is in hearing range, because her poor little heart can't take hearing about the scary vampire. This is made all the more insufferable by how eagerly the women accept their roles.
Having said that everyone in this book seems to have the heart of a child, since they break down crying at rather slight provocations.
There's also much to be said of the antisemitism via Count Dracula. I myself am quite poorly read of Jewish history and stereotypes and so only recognized the nose as a potential source of such hatred, but having seen only than in him, I dismissed the possibility at first. Apparently, however, the whole undead man himself is inspired such. Which colored the latter half of my reading experience somewhat.
Prose
"Meine Got! O! Woe is me friend reader. To think miene flying spaghetti monster would abandon me so, to think that I would fall from its warm noodly arms, which had oh so caressed me . Oh dear, precious juices gone, a life of meatless darkness awaits me! (Mem. Must remember to give the recipe for spaghetti to Andrew) How can I go on alone, cold, and starving. I must steel myself and hold true to meine squelchy beliefs of old, for though I am gone from its warmth, believe and spirit are the only true things is this cold dark abyss of a world. Upon them I shall hold myself and push ever onward. But! So! Well! So is the human spirit strong Meine Herr. Strong such that it may withstand any terrible blow." I breathed in and squared my shoulders. "We must prevail! And vanquish this darkness!"
And that's not 1% of the speeches one Van Helsing delivers throughout this book. Indeed, at (kindle) location 5407 he gives a 1200 word speech. And indeed many a paragraph waffles past 500 words. Scarce, however, is anything of value said.
The only comfort to be found in the prose is the occasional flair of well crafted poetry, but these are rare and short indeed. Otherwise, the verbosity seems to be dedicated to little more than witless sermons regarding the human spirit, given by a man who is possessed of not one ounce such. This brings us to the next topic
Characters
They're cardboard cutouts, all of them. They do not feel as if real people, they feel like Gothic action figures. Utterly 2 dimensional and awaiting directions of the author. Van Helsing is probably one of the earliest Garu Stus put to press. He knows all, he is eternally wise, significantly strong, he has no intellectual equal, and possesses the biggest, warmest heart. Worse than his perfection, however, is his monologues. Meine Got! Whenever he speaks, it's 2 lines or 50, with little in between.
The rest aren't even worth talking about. Apart from Renfield. He was perfectly adequate, but not much more.
Plot
A garbled mess.
Beyond that, however, there's lots of stupid stuff. Like not giving people crosses to wear (As they seem to be the only thing that can fully repel a vampire. Honestly, I'd prefer to take the approach of locking one around my neck if I were in this world, because of hypnotism). Despite them really needing crosses.
The book also makes clear that the antagonist has some pretty easy win conditions (like burying a coffin or picking them off one by one) but he never bothers and instead runs away.
World Building
Not really relevant. It functions.
Social Stuff
One of the female characters does something smart and this is the response "“Ah, that wonderful Madam Mina! She has man’s brain—a brain that a man should have were he much gifted—and woman’s heart. The good God fashioned her for a purpose, believe me, when He made that so good combination."
And I'm just gonna let that speak for itself.
I get it, this book is 130 years old, but the gender stuff is just annoying to read oh so endlessly. Just about every tenth page the men cry for the hearts of their weak womenfolk. Indeed, Dracula has three ticking clocks and all of them are instances of women being at risk of becoming vampires (Mina counts for 2, imo). At one point they decide to keep secrets from Mina, such as to not discuss anything relating to their mission while she is in hearing range, because her poor little heart can't take hearing about the scary vampire. This is made all the more insufferable by how eagerly the women accept their roles.
Having said that everyone in this book seems to have the heart of a child, since they break down crying at rather slight provocations.
There's also much to be said of the antisemitism via Count Dracula. I myself am quite poorly read of Jewish history and stereotypes and so only recognized the nose as a potential source of such hatred, but having seen only than in him, I dismissed the possibility at first. Apparently, however, the whole undead man himself is inspired such. Which colored the latter half of my reading experience somewhat.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Antisemitism and Xenophobia