A review by dainaphile
Things We Didn't Talk about When I Was a Girl by Jeannie Vanasco

4.0

"Is it possible for a good person, a really good person to be a rapist?"

[a: Jeannie Vanasco|4078726|Jeannie Vanasco|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1500179605p2/4078726.jpg], the author of '[b: Things We Didn’t Talk About When I Was a Girl|43811321|Things We Didn't Talk About When I Was a Girl A Memoir|Jeannie Vanasco|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1565080337l/43811321._SY75_.jpg|68173030]', was raped by a close friend when she was 19 years old. Ever since she has had the same nightmare and finds herself startles awake, saying his name. More than a decade after the trauma, Vanasco decides to confront her rapist to find out how that one night has affected her former friend Mark.

The idea of giving voice to a rapist is unsettling and yet critically important. Vanasco words her thoughts and feelings and explains why she didn’t report the crime, how she has been blaming herself all these years. She unravels a bitter truth that rapists are not strangers lurking in alleys. Often time rapists are usually someone the victim knows - they are friends, lovers, brothers, coworkers.

Throughout the book, Vanasco shows a sense of protection towards her perpetrator and she was unnecessarily kind to him. If anything, this shows us the depth of the problem. That how women are being taught to be likable by everyone, even by their rapist!

It was a heavy, powerful, and interesting read. The only thing that made this book less mentally exhausting and easily palatable is
Mark's honest confession "Nice guys are a total lie".