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A review by kirmelmacchiato
Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gabor Maté, Gordon Neufeld
3.0
Let’s start off by saying the subject material is interesting but this was not a gripping read.
The book is long and dry, frequently repetitive and not always particularly engaging.
That being said I found nuggets of wisdom, less for the raising of my own small children but as insight into the behavioral issues I have been challenged with, dealing with the older child in my blended family. I have not had a hand in raising this young woman, and I think more than anything this book gave me some clarity and empathy for a child that is developmentally immature and insecure for a lot of the reasons laid out in this book.
I understand the concept the authors were trying to introduce here- I grew up in a very big, loving family and even as adults we are close. I agree that the culture highlights individuality and everyone’s individual lives being a priority erode the family connections. I understand that pushing everyone, including very young kids into false independence (meaning “freedom” without the added ties of responsibility) too early is counterproductive.
I’m not sure that I agree that attachment is everything and that we as parents should never do anything to “jeopardize” that. I’m not sure that I agree that, facing behavioral problems the answer is to “connect” instead of correct. Genuinely I see the point being made- but for myself I feel better about a healthy balance.
Ultimately perhaps this is a good starting off point for some. I truly feel like there were some truths here that I found some value in, but I in no way feel like this book was revolutionary or even particularly helpful if I was just considering my relationship with my own, small children. I have read other books in that regard I found to be more engaging.
The book is long and dry, frequently repetitive and not always particularly engaging.
That being said I found nuggets of wisdom, less for the raising of my own small children but as insight into the behavioral issues I have been challenged with, dealing with the older child in my blended family. I have not had a hand in raising this young woman, and I think more than anything this book gave me some clarity and empathy for a child that is developmentally immature and insecure for a lot of the reasons laid out in this book.
I understand the concept the authors were trying to introduce here- I grew up in a very big, loving family and even as adults we are close. I agree that the culture highlights individuality and everyone’s individual lives being a priority erode the family connections. I understand that pushing everyone, including very young kids into false independence (meaning “freedom” without the added ties of responsibility) too early is counterproductive.
I’m not sure that I agree that attachment is everything and that we as parents should never do anything to “jeopardize” that. I’m not sure that I agree that, facing behavioral problems the answer is to “connect” instead of correct. Genuinely I see the point being made- but for myself I feel better about a healthy balance.
Ultimately perhaps this is a good starting off point for some. I truly feel like there were some truths here that I found some value in, but I in no way feel like this book was revolutionary or even particularly helpful if I was just considering my relationship with my own, small children. I have read other books in that regard I found to be more engaging.