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A review by allisonwonderlandreads
Body Neutral: A Revolutionary Guide to Overcoming Body Image Issues by Jessi Kneeland
challenging
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
Body neutrality is a reaction to the fact that body positivity seems unattainable for many. While the body-positive movement began as a collectivist political stance against fatphobia, it became individualistic as it gained steam on social media. It became about deciding to like yourself in the face of social pressure rather than deconstructing those pressures and acknowledging that they affect people to different degrees because of structural discrimination. Those who succeeded at attaining a positive view of their bodies were likely already closest to the social ideal. They didn't have as much weighing them down, like the image hierarchy that particularly oppresses people of color, trans people, and people with disabilities to a greater degree. The author makes a point of discussing how social context and intersectionality are big influences on body image issues. Body neutrality aims to be realistic about that power and try to disengage from harmful, internalized views that embattle us. It's about seeing something in the mirror you may not like without letting it ruin your day. This is an easier journey to make than the one to glowing enthusiasm towards the very cellulite that sent Barbie into an existential panic (or whatever else may be bothering you). The author suggests some affirmations/mantras to start resetting your mind like: I don't like [insert body image concern], and that makes sense, and it's ok.
This is a book that's hard to sum up for review because the experience of reading it is so personal. The author notes that you know you're on the right track when you dig deep enough to get some emotional response, and that definitely happened to me. I read this as an audiobook, and it's a fun way to interact with the knowledge and exercises since it's read by the author. It felt like they were my empathetic and patient coach through it all. No matter the topic, Kneeland focuses on the reader's well-being, offering professional expertise while reminding the reader to do what feels right for them and take ownership of knowing themself best. That made an overwhelming topic more friendly to approach and emphasizes the process as a team endeavor, not a space where the reader is a passive recipient of knowledge. I've done some of the writing prompts already and will refer back to some in my physical copy later because I just need some more time to process before diving into action steps, etc.
Some broad-stroke pieces of advice that I found useful were:
1. Don't add moral judgments to your body's reality. It only prolongs your suffering.
2. It's logical to have body image issues in a world that prefers certain body features and rewards people accordingly. Don't feel unreasonable or dumb for having body image issues.
3. Jobs we give our bodies outside just existing make it impossible to view it neutrally, i.e. getting a partner, demonstrating power or strength of will, or being socially acceptable, etc. You have to let go of whatever insidious values you've applied to your body's reality to be neutral toward it.
4. Body image issues can extend beyond the stereotypical ones centered around fatphobia. Neurodivergent and queer people may feel not right in their bodies because of negative pressure against being their full, authentic selves. People of color must face beauty standards that place their natural features low on an image hierarchy. And people with chronic health conditions may feel their bodies are working against them.
Another thing I found very helpful is Kneeland's use of avatars to explain common suites of body image issues and etiology. They make sure to emphasize that the reader shouldn't lean on the avatars in a limiting way. Some people resonate with more than one to differing degrees or don't entirely fit a profile because of their personal history. I'm not going to get into describing all the avatars because they're complex and deserve a full reading to decide what resonates with you. I'll just note that "the outsider" avatar fit me like a glove, and there were some specific points in those sections that were paradigm-shifting for me, so I want to share them in case it could do the same for another outsider. Kneeland states that people pleasing is morally neutral and makes sense if you grew up in a situation where that ensured your needs were met. I often feel that descriptor is leveled at me as an accusation, so the author's approach was sort of a cleansing one for me. The author also delineates the differences between growing up in a "guess culture" where direct communication is seen as crass and impolite and an "ask culture" where people say what they mean to prevent miscommunication. Wow. As someone who's definitely accustomed to guess culture, my constant need to search for subtext and analyze what people say for the "true meaning" makes a lot more sense. The author also describes a case study where an outsider hates their body to get the jump on other people so they can't surprise or humiliate them with body criticism. It's the kind of "feeling seen" that hurts a bit. What I've always interpreted as being tough is actually hurting me.
Out of necessity, this review is a bit vulnerable to show that this book could be a source of important revelations for you if you want to move into a space where you're not run down by body hatred. This can be a transformative read, and I recommend it to others feeling compulsive negativity about their bodies.
This is a book that's hard to sum up for review because the experience of reading it is so personal. The author notes that you know you're on the right track when you dig deep enough to get some emotional response, and that definitely happened to me. I read this as an audiobook, and it's a fun way to interact with the knowledge and exercises since it's read by the author. It felt like they were my empathetic and patient coach through it all. No matter the topic, Kneeland focuses on the reader's well-being, offering professional expertise while reminding the reader to do what feels right for them and take ownership of knowing themself best. That made an overwhelming topic more friendly to approach and emphasizes the process as a team endeavor, not a space where the reader is a passive recipient of knowledge. I've done some of the writing prompts already and will refer back to some in my physical copy later because I just need some more time to process before diving into action steps, etc.
Some broad-stroke pieces of advice that I found useful were:
1. Don't add moral judgments to your body's reality. It only prolongs your suffering.
2. It's logical to have body image issues in a world that prefers certain body features and rewards people accordingly. Don't feel unreasonable or dumb for having body image issues.
3. Jobs we give our bodies outside just existing make it impossible to view it neutrally, i.e. getting a partner, demonstrating power or strength of will, or being socially acceptable, etc. You have to let go of whatever insidious values you've applied to your body's reality to be neutral toward it.
4. Body image issues can extend beyond the stereotypical ones centered around fatphobia. Neurodivergent and queer people may feel not right in their bodies because of negative pressure against being their full, authentic selves. People of color must face beauty standards that place their natural features low on an image hierarchy. And people with chronic health conditions may feel their bodies are working against them.
Another thing I found very helpful is Kneeland's use of avatars to explain common suites of body image issues and etiology. They make sure to emphasize that the reader shouldn't lean on the avatars in a limiting way. Some people resonate with more than one to differing degrees or don't entirely fit a profile because of their personal history. I'm not going to get into describing all the avatars because they're complex and deserve a full reading to decide what resonates with you. I'll just note that "the outsider" avatar fit me like a glove, and there were some specific points in those sections that were paradigm-shifting for me, so I want to share them in case it could do the same for another outsider. Kneeland states that people pleasing is morally neutral and makes sense if you grew up in a situation where that ensured your needs were met. I often feel that descriptor is leveled at me as an accusation, so the author's approach was sort of a cleansing one for me. The author also delineates the differences between growing up in a "guess culture" where direct communication is seen as crass and impolite and an "ask culture" where people say what they mean to prevent miscommunication. Wow. As someone who's definitely accustomed to guess culture, my constant need to search for subtext and analyze what people say for the "true meaning" makes a lot more sense. The author also describes a case study where an outsider hates their body to get the jump on other people so they can't surprise or humiliate them with body criticism. It's the kind of "feeling seen" that hurts a bit. What I've always interpreted as being tough is actually hurting me.
Out of necessity, this review is a bit vulnerable to show that this book could be a source of important revelations for you if you want to move into a space where you're not run down by body hatred. This can be a transformative read, and I recommend it to others feeling compulsive negativity about their bodies.