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jenniechantal 's review for:
How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don't
by Lane Moore
3.5 Audiobook.
I noticed a lot of reviewers upset/disappointed because they expected a self-help book, so if that's what you want, you aren't going to find it here. Also, if you don't like self-deprecating humor, this book is not for you! I'm a big fan of this type of humor, especially because Lane is an optimist, and optimists deliver this humour best. I think her humor is best related to if you are already familiar with her comedy, or if you listen to the audiobook, which is hilarious, because she is having so much fun making fun of herself, while also keeping it very real.
I related to A LOT of what she had to say about the ways that neglect shapes a child's mind, turning us into adults who have such a difficult time with trust, self-esteem, boundaries, meeting our needs (and asking for them to be met) and feeling safe in the world. She had so much to say about how all this impacts both our ability to have (secure) relationships but also our beliefs around whether or not we deserve to have secure relationships. Not to mention how we self-sabotage connections with secure people and choose, again and again, people like our parents. How hard we have to work, every day, to be "fine" or "ok".
The chapter that talked about holidays was spot on for me, as was "Emergency Contact" and the description of her relationship with her childhood best friend/obsessive friendships in childhood.
The main reason this book didn't get that 4th star is due to how much of it is actually about how to be (or not to be) single. I found myself checking out a bit during these chapters, which just went on and on too much for me.
In the last 30 minutes or so a she asks some big questions about loneliness and finding happiness, about finding intimacy/getting needs met with friends and with oneself. I wanted some discussion around the difference between solitude and loneliness. More on how it's actually better to be alone than with people you dislike, or who treat you poorly. I wanted that last 30 minutes to be a lot more of the book as a whole.
I will recommend this book to people who I know will appreciate the dark humour and will definitely recommend the audiobook to those whom that format is accessible.
I noticed a lot of reviewers upset/disappointed because they expected a self-help book, so if that's what you want, you aren't going to find it here. Also, if you don't like self-deprecating humor, this book is not for you! I'm a big fan of this type of humor, especially because Lane is an optimist, and optimists deliver this humour best. I think her humor is best related to if you are already familiar with her comedy, or if you listen to the audiobook, which is hilarious, because she is having so much fun making fun of herself, while also keeping it very real.
I related to A LOT of what she had to say about the ways that neglect shapes a child's mind, turning us into adults who have such a difficult time with trust, self-esteem, boundaries, meeting our needs (and asking for them to be met) and feeling safe in the world. She had so much to say about how all this impacts both our ability to have (secure) relationships but also our beliefs around whether or not we deserve to have secure relationships. Not to mention how we self-sabotage connections with secure people and choose, again and again, people like our parents. How hard we have to work, every day, to be "fine" or "ok".
The chapter that talked about holidays was spot on for me, as was "Emergency Contact" and the description of her relationship with her childhood best friend/obsessive friendships in childhood.
The main reason this book didn't get that 4th star is due to how much of it is actually about how to be (or not to be) single. I found myself checking out a bit during these chapters, which just went on and on too much for me.
In the last 30 minutes or so a she asks some big questions about loneliness and finding happiness, about finding intimacy/getting needs met with friends and with oneself. I wanted some discussion around the difference between solitude and loneliness. More on how it's actually better to be alone than with people you dislike, or who treat you poorly. I wanted that last 30 minutes to be a lot more of the book as a whole.
I will recommend this book to people who I know will appreciate the dark humour and will definitely recommend the audiobook to those whom that format is accessible.