A review by corncobwebs
Forever Changes by Brendan Halpin

Brianna Pelletier is gearing up to start her senior year of high school, but the customary feelings of excitement and hope are gone. Brianna is living with cystic fibrosis, and she senses she won’t last much longer. Why should she get into the drama of high school when she probably won’t even be around in a year’s time? Still, she puts up a good front, mostly for the sake of her doting single father. There are also things that she still enjoys - she’s a math genius, and she comes to love her AP calculus class with an eccentric ex-hippie named Mr. Eccles. And she has her best friends, Melissa and Stephanie, who understand how to be around Bri without coddling or pitying her. So, for the most part, Bri is able to do normal teenage things - homework, parties, and college applications.

The life expectancy for CF patients isn’t great, so even while she’s busy being a relatively normal teenage, Bri knows that she’s going to die sooner rather than later. This inspires a lot of introspection on Bri’s part, mostly about the value and meaning of a relatively short life. She shares some of her thoughts with Mr. Eccles (who is facing heart failure, thus knows what Bri is going through) and he’s able to give her some math-tinged words of comfort. Here’s my favorite:

“So, you see, it’s not what it can do that makes math beautiful. Its existence isn’t justified by the 747s or any of the big mechanical things that it makes possible. Its existence is something to be celebrated because it is a beautiful, wonderful, incredibly complicated marvel.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. And so, Ms. Pelletier, are you.”

As an overachiever who feels like I have to do something great in order for my life to matter, I found a lot of comfort in this statement. Mr. Eccles is telling Bri that it’s enough that she IS - her existence is valuable and meaningful in and of itself. You don’t have to write a novel or find a cure for cancer (although it’s awesome if you do) - just being alive and sharing kindness with other people is enough.

As the novel progresses, Bri is steadily deteriorating, although it’s subtle - which is why it’s kind of a surprise when she ends up in the hospital, dying. She was at a keg party the night before, for Pete’s sake! But with all the wisdom she’s acquired - through her own ruminations and through her conversations with Mr. Eccles - she feels ready to die. She’s tired of the constant battle to breathe, and now she understands that it was enough that she existed. So she lets go.

Personally, I thought that Halpin didn't show her struggling enough before she died. She really seemed like a normal teenager for the most part. If she had really been struggling with the CF, her willingness to die would make more sense. But, like I said, she had just been at a party. She’d been accepting at MIT and was excited about attending. She went whale-watching with her best friends. It’s not like she was sitting at home, gasping for air - which WOULD make death seem like a relief.

Overall, I really appreciated the novel’s message of “You’re enough as you are” and I think it would be a great read-alike for anyone who loved “The Fault in Our Stars.”