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A review by mancolepig
American Buffalo by David Mamet
2.0
American Book Review, a play by David Mamet
Interior. Lights up on DAVID MAMET and COLEMAN, who are standing in a room, somewhere, who knows where, nobody knows.
DAVID MAMET: Hey,
COLEMAN: Hey,
DM: You checked out my play?
C: Yeah.
DM: You read it?
C: Yeah.
DM: You like it?
C: Uh huh.
DM: I mean, you think it’s good?
C: It’s good.
DM: Yeah?
C: Yeah. It’s a good play.
DM: Good.
C: Only-
DM: What? What only?
C: Only I didn’t read it.
DM: You didn’t read it?
C: What I mean is, I listened to it.
DM: You listened to it.
C: Yeah.
DM: You didn’t watch it, you didn’t read it, you listened to it.
C: Yeah.
DM: What are you, blind? How do you see a play without seeing it?
C: Well you know, I’m in my car.
DM: Yeah.
C: I’m watchin’ the road, you know?
DM: Of course.
C: I’m watchin’ the semi trucks, the speed demons, the cops tryin’ to hide, tryin’ to pull my ass over.
DM: Oh I know that, yeah.
C: So I can’t watch, I can’t read. I gotta listen.
DM: You gotta listen.
C: It’s all I can do.
DM: Sure.
C: See a drive is not just a drive, Dave, it’s not just a drive. it’s an opportunity.
DM: An opportunity?
C: Oh yeah, when you drive, you got time. Time to think. Time to listen.
DM: Alright.
C: Opportunity to get a little culture, you know what I mean?
DM: I know what you mean.
C: So that’s what I was doin’. Driving and gettin’ a little culture. I like gettin’ a little culture.
DM: Yeah, so you liked it.
C: Yeah, I like getting’ a little culture.
DM: But you liked the play itself.
C: Well, yeah.
DM: Well yeah?
C: Well, I mean, it was alright.
DM: Alright?
C: Yeah it was aright.
DM: You mean alright? Or do you mean, you know, alright?
C: I mean it was alright?
DM: You think my play’s alright? Just alright?
C: It’s alright, alright?
DM: No. No. Not alright. You just- where do you get off?
C: Dave I’m sorry, alright?
DM: Just hang on a minute, alright, hang on. Just where do you get off?
C: I thought it was alright, what do you want?
DM: What do I want? Oh since when has it been about what I want?
C: Dave-
DM: You’re the guy who wants a little culture, so by all means, let’s give you whatever you want. How would you like that, huh?
C: I’m sorry Dave.
DM: No, you know what, I’m sorry Mr. Culture. What is the big problem with my play.
C: There’s no problem, it’s just alright.
DM: Then why is it just alright.
C: It’s just-
DM: Come on, spit it out.
C: It’s a little-
DM: What? It’s a little what, Mr. Culture?
C: It’s a little repetitive.
DM: A little repetitive?
C: Just a little repetitive.
DM: Alright.
C: And maybe-
DM: Maybe what?
C: A little, I don’t know-
DM: Coleman I swear to God, you tell me-
C: Dave-
DM: You tell me just what makes my play alright. You better tell me right here.
C: Well, it’s a little too-
DM: Too...
C: Dramatic
DM: (Beat) My play is too dramatic?
C: Yeah a little, you know, it’s almost like, melodramatic.
DM: I see.
DAVID MAMET pulls a long pistol from his pocket.
C: Dave, what are you- look I’m sorry Dave.
DM: My little play, my little drama. It’s just a little too dramatic for ya?
C: Dave, put the gun away, you don’t-
DM: I don’t know how to use drama, huh?
C: I didn’t say that-
DM: Well what the hell would a guy like me, David Mamet, know about drama?
C: Dave, easy now-
DM: I’ve only written dozens of DRAMAS.
C: Dave-
DM: Written hundreds of screenplays for television and movie DRAMAS.
C: Please-
DM: And I won a teensy little award, no big deal, just a tiny thing they call the Pulitzer Prize for DRAMA.
C: Okay, I get it.
DM: No you don’t get it, you’ve NEVER gotten it. You can’t just write a play where people talk in monologues and soliloquies, real life ain’t like that. You need people talking over each other, people talking at each other. You don’t always have to listen to each other because people don’t listen to each other. Just like you didn't listen to my play.
C: I did, Dave, I swear to God.
DAVID MAMET cocks the gun, pointing it at COLEMAN.
DM: You didn’t, Coleman, or else you’d know that drama is what makes life worth living.
He shoots COLEMAN dead. The curtain falls. A confused audience laughs and then applauds, declaring that DAVID MAMET is a genius.
Interior. Lights up on DAVID MAMET and COLEMAN, who are standing in a room, somewhere, who knows where, nobody knows.
DAVID MAMET: Hey,
COLEMAN: Hey,
DM: You checked out my play?
C: Yeah.
DM: You read it?
C: Yeah.
DM: You like it?
C: Uh huh.
DM: I mean, you think it’s good?
C: It’s good.
DM: Yeah?
C: Yeah. It’s a good play.
DM: Good.
C: Only-
DM: What? What only?
C: Only I didn’t read it.
DM: You didn’t read it?
C: What I mean is, I listened to it.
DM: You listened to it.
C: Yeah.
DM: You didn’t watch it, you didn’t read it, you listened to it.
C: Yeah.
DM: What are you, blind? How do you see a play without seeing it?
C: Well you know, I’m in my car.
DM: Yeah.
C: I’m watchin’ the road, you know?
DM: Of course.
C: I’m watchin’ the semi trucks, the speed demons, the cops tryin’ to hide, tryin’ to pull my ass over.
DM: Oh I know that, yeah.
C: So I can’t watch, I can’t read. I gotta listen.
DM: You gotta listen.
C: It’s all I can do.
DM: Sure.
C: See a drive is not just a drive, Dave, it’s not just a drive. it’s an opportunity.
DM: An opportunity?
C: Oh yeah, when you drive, you got time. Time to think. Time to listen.
DM: Alright.
C: Opportunity to get a little culture, you know what I mean?
DM: I know what you mean.
C: So that’s what I was doin’. Driving and gettin’ a little culture. I like gettin’ a little culture.
DM: Yeah, so you liked it.
C: Yeah, I like getting’ a little culture.
DM: But you liked the play itself.
C: Well, yeah.
DM: Well yeah?
C: Well, I mean, it was alright.
DM: Alright?
C: Yeah it was aright.
DM: You mean alright? Or do you mean, you know, alright?
C: I mean it was alright?
DM: You think my play’s alright? Just alright?
C: It’s alright, alright?
DM: No. No. Not alright. You just- where do you get off?
C: Dave I’m sorry, alright?
DM: Just hang on a minute, alright, hang on. Just where do you get off?
C: I thought it was alright, what do you want?
DM: What do I want? Oh since when has it been about what I want?
C: Dave-
DM: You’re the guy who wants a little culture, so by all means, let’s give you whatever you want. How would you like that, huh?
C: I’m sorry Dave.
DM: No, you know what, I’m sorry Mr. Culture. What is the big problem with my play.
C: There’s no problem, it’s just alright.
DM: Then why is it just alright.
C: It’s just-
DM: Come on, spit it out.
C: It’s a little-
DM: What? It’s a little what, Mr. Culture?
C: It’s a little repetitive.
DM: A little repetitive?
C: Just a little repetitive.
DM: Alright.
C: And maybe-
DM: Maybe what?
C: A little, I don’t know-
DM: Coleman I swear to God, you tell me-
C: Dave-
DM: You tell me just what makes my play alright. You better tell me right here.
C: Well, it’s a little too-
DM: Too...
C: Dramatic
DM: (Beat) My play is too dramatic?
C: Yeah a little, you know, it’s almost like, melodramatic.
DM: I see.
DAVID MAMET pulls a long pistol from his pocket.
C: Dave, what are you- look I’m sorry Dave.
DM: My little play, my little drama. It’s just a little too dramatic for ya?
C: Dave, put the gun away, you don’t-
DM: I don’t know how to use drama, huh?
C: I didn’t say that-
DM: Well what the hell would a guy like me, David Mamet, know about drama?
C: Dave, easy now-
DM: I’ve only written dozens of DRAMAS.
C: Dave-
DM: Written hundreds of screenplays for television and movie DRAMAS.
C: Please-
DM: And I won a teensy little award, no big deal, just a tiny thing they call the Pulitzer Prize for DRAMA.
C: Okay, I get it.
DM: No you don’t get it, you’ve NEVER gotten it. You can’t just write a play where people talk in monologues and soliloquies, real life ain’t like that. You need people talking over each other, people talking at each other. You don’t always have to listen to each other because people don’t listen to each other. Just like you didn't listen to my play.
C: I did, Dave, I swear to God.
DAVID MAMET cocks the gun, pointing it at COLEMAN.
DM: You didn’t, Coleman, or else you’d know that drama is what makes life worth living.
He shoots COLEMAN dead. The curtain falls. A confused audience laughs and then applauds, declaring that DAVID MAMET is a genius.