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A review by sssnoo
Everything You Ever Wanted: A Memoir by Jillian Lauren
5.0
I am giving this 5 stars because I think people considering adoption or parenting adopted children of any age would benefit from reading about the author's struggles to understand the effects of trauma on early development. Here is why -
- The author is open about the struggles parents have parenting traumatized kids; about how HARD it can be. She is open about her imperfections as a parent and the trial and error it took to get it right. This is helpful to parents deep in the struggle themselves. It isnt very helpful to read books where author's make it sound simple or present themselves as superhuman - it just makes a parent struggling in the trenches of trauma-parenting feel more inadequate. So thankyou Jillian for your honesty.
- By revealing and discussing her trials and errors, and especially what eventually worked some families may eliminate some of the misssteps and detours this family had to take without such a manual. This is how advice from someone who has "been there done that" is really helpful.
- The complexity and paradoxes of adoption, and Ethiopian baby adoption in particular, are covered respectfully and well. I am also thrilled to find the family pursuing a domestic adoption at the end of the book - I expect they are no longer afraid of the "damage" our domestic foster kids are labeled with - trauma being trauma, right? Adoptive parents know what I mean.
So how do I have the chops to review this book? I went from 2 to 6 children in 2 years when I jumped into the deep end and adopted 2 sibling groups of older severly traumatized children also from Ethiopia. This was nearly 20 years ago when there was very little publish or known about trauma parenting and all I can say is I had no where to go but through the tunnel and out the other side. My kids and I survived and my kids are doing great, but it was hard hard work. I had a bit of PTSD triggered just reading this book. So if you are considering adoption read it and don't be afraid, just be prepared. Find your people and supports and do it. It may be the hardest thing you will ever do, but also the most rewarding because you have a family for all the effort.
- The author is open about the struggles parents have parenting traumatized kids; about how HARD it can be. She is open about her imperfections as a parent and the trial and error it took to get it right. This is helpful to parents deep in the struggle themselves. It isnt very helpful to read books where author's make it sound simple or present themselves as superhuman - it just makes a parent struggling in the trenches of trauma-parenting feel more inadequate. So thankyou Jillian for your honesty.
- By revealing and discussing her trials and errors, and especially what eventually worked some families may eliminate some of the misssteps and detours this family had to take without such a manual. This is how advice from someone who has "been there done that" is really helpful.
- The complexity and paradoxes of adoption, and Ethiopian baby adoption in particular, are covered respectfully and well. I am also thrilled to find the family pursuing a domestic adoption at the end of the book - I expect they are no longer afraid of the "damage" our domestic foster kids are labeled with - trauma being trauma, right? Adoptive parents know what I mean.
So how do I have the chops to review this book? I went from 2 to 6 children in 2 years when I jumped into the deep end and adopted 2 sibling groups of older severly traumatized children also from Ethiopia. This was nearly 20 years ago when there was very little publish or known about trauma parenting and all I can say is I had no where to go but through the tunnel and out the other side. My kids and I survived and my kids are doing great, but it was hard hard work. I had a bit of PTSD triggered just reading this book. So if you are considering adoption read it and don't be afraid, just be prepared. Find your people and supports and do it. It may be the hardest thing you will ever do, but also the most rewarding because you have a family for all the effort.