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A review by tinylove
The Family Experience of PDA: An Illustrated Guide to Pathological Demand Avoidance by Eliza Fricker
3.0
It's hard for me to rate nonfiction books, but I will try to explain.
First of all, the book does exactly what it says it will: offers hands-on advice on raising a PDA child, provides the author's experiences as examples, and is helpfully illustrated with comic strips that help highlight the author's points.
I did find the most practical aspects of it useful and standing to reason. I read this book in the first place because I work with a kid diagnosed with PDA, and their parents lend me their copy. It did help me understand them and the methods they apply better, if anything else, and what else is likely to work or not work.
But it raised so many questions! It seems the author is resigned that her life has to revolve around catering to her daughter's every need and walking on eggshells. Several times I read sentences among the lines of we're constantly late at things or we leave early, and that's okay! or I keep sacrificing my free time, my personal space and even professional duties for my daughter, and that's okay! or I always put on a calm face even when I don't feel it myself, so she doesn't feel anxious, or I let her watch her phone in the bath and it really saves us many meltdowns and drama! (I'm paraphrasing everything of course) and I really, really started raising eyebrows. None of that was coming off as healthy, but even regardless of my personal feelings on the matter; if sacrificing so much of their personal and professional life is what parents with PDA kids should do in order to have the best results, what about families where that is not possible? Families where neither of the parents can work from home to be there for the kid, or families where a PDA kid grows in a big house with siblings, or where the school is not as cooperative? How do children who are not diagnosed with PDA until much later on fare along, and their families? Yet again, the book never claimed to be a deep dive into the PDA world, but I think it's fair to get curious!
And then, even if it is advice for PDA parents who can specifically cater to their child the way the author describes - it seems like they advocate for building a careful bubble around their child, removing all triggers and stressors. It is understandable that every loving parent would want that for their child, but I'm simply not convinced that's how you prepare them for the real world! In conclusion, I am convinced these methods might have the best results, but I'm not convinced they're the best for raising a child to be the best version of themselves, and able to cope with the world when their parents won't be there for them to buffer everything for them. So I have questions, doubts and yet more curiosity to read different perspectives and studies on the topic.
First of all, the book does exactly what it says it will: offers hands-on advice on raising a PDA child, provides the author's experiences as examples, and is helpfully illustrated with comic strips that help highlight the author's points.
I did find the most practical aspects of it useful and standing to reason. I read this book in the first place because I work with a kid diagnosed with PDA, and their parents lend me their copy. It did help me understand them and the methods they apply better, if anything else, and what else is likely to work or not work.
But it raised so many questions! It seems the author is resigned that her life has to revolve around catering to her daughter's every need and walking on eggshells. Several times I read sentences among the lines of we're constantly late at things or we leave early, and that's okay! or I keep sacrificing my free time, my personal space and even professional duties for my daughter, and that's okay! or I always put on a calm face even when I don't feel it myself, so she doesn't feel anxious, or I let her watch her phone in the bath and it really saves us many meltdowns and drama! (I'm paraphrasing everything of course) and I really, really started raising eyebrows. None of that was coming off as healthy, but even regardless of my personal feelings on the matter; if sacrificing so much of their personal and professional life is what parents with PDA kids should do in order to have the best results, what about families where that is not possible? Families where neither of the parents can work from home to be there for the kid, or families where a PDA kid grows in a big house with siblings, or where the school is not as cooperative? How do children who are not diagnosed with PDA until much later on fare along, and their families? Yet again, the book never claimed to be a deep dive into the PDA world, but I think it's fair to get curious!
And then, even if it is advice for PDA parents who can specifically cater to their child the way the author describes - it seems like they advocate for building a careful bubble around their child, removing all triggers and stressors. It is understandable that every loving parent would want that for their child, but I'm simply not convinced that's how you prepare them for the real world! In conclusion, I am convinced these methods might have the best results, but I'm not convinced they're the best for raising a child to be the best version of themselves, and able to cope with the world when their parents won't be there for them to buffer everything for them. So I have questions, doubts and yet more curiosity to read different perspectives and studies on the topic.