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A review by emilychu23
Acts of Desperation by Megan Nolan
5.0
Reading this was the closest I’ve felt to being understood by anyone before, I’ve made countless annotations in the margins - Nolan’s prose is so sharp and tight and self-reflective. It’s so raw, desperate and very dark. I hate how much I relate to the unnamed protagonist but her experiences and thoughts and feelings line up so closely to my experiences, and perhaps the feminine experience in general, I cannot help but sympathise with her. The fact she is unnamed adds distance between the reader and protagonist, and almost makes her seem slightly unreal, but being able to see myself in her is a testament to Nolan. She is so deeply uncomfortable with herself, lonely, damaged, unable to form healthy relationships, self-destructive, but self-aware and earnest. The protagonist’s relationship with her mother and father is so resonant with me and the man she forces herself to love, and to want, and to imagine a perfect domesticated life with, is cruel, and vindictive, and volatile but he’s beautiful and that’s what draws her to him. I feel like it’s so reflective of female desire and an accurate portrayal of these violent relationships.
Nolan also offers acute analysis on topics related to misogny and patriarchy, such as the concept of female desire being a direct response to the patriarchal idea of ‘what women want,’ how cruelty to women can be disguised as ‘art.’ While these topics are heavy and very complex, they are approached in a nuanced way and never feel forced. Seeing as this is only her debut and one of my favourites this year, I am very excited to see what’s to come from Megan Nolan. This is along the vein of Sally Rooney, Naoise Dolan and Otessa Moshfegh, so if you enjoy their writing you will most likely enjoy this.
“Do you think it would be possible for anyone to love you if they could see every single thing you do?’ And I watch them cringe as though I’ve reached out and struck them. ‘I’m serious,’ I say. ‘Imagine that everyone could see everything. Every secret, every base physical ejection, every category of porn you’ve ever looked at in a kind of coma when you’re numb to the normal stuff. Think about it all. Every moment of shame, of desperation – do you really think anyone could love you still? Anyone at all?’ 3 I remember what it was like when I first loved Ciaran, before he left me that first time at Christmas, when I’d miss him so much when he went anywhere.”
Nolan also offers acute analysis on topics related to misogny and patriarchy, such as the concept of female desire being a direct response to the patriarchal idea of ‘what women want,’ how cruelty to women can be disguised as ‘art.’ While these topics are heavy and very complex, they are approached in a nuanced way and never feel forced. Seeing as this is only her debut and one of my favourites this year, I am very excited to see what’s to come from Megan Nolan. This is along the vein of Sally Rooney, Naoise Dolan and Otessa Moshfegh, so if you enjoy their writing you will most likely enjoy this.
“Do you think it would be possible for anyone to love you if they could see every single thing you do?’ And I watch them cringe as though I’ve reached out and struck them. ‘I’m serious,’ I say. ‘Imagine that everyone could see everything. Every secret, every base physical ejection, every category of porn you’ve ever looked at in a kind of coma when you’re numb to the normal stuff. Think about it all. Every moment of shame, of desperation – do you really think anyone could love you still? Anyone at all?’ 3 I remember what it was like when I first loved Ciaran, before he left me that first time at Christmas, when I’d miss him so much when he went anywhere.”