A review by mellowbread
Where Reasons End by Yiyun Li

emotional sad slow-paced
  • Plot- or character-driven? Character
  • Strong character development? It's complicated
  • Loveable characters? Yes
  • Diverse cast of characters? No
  • Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.75

mY God I am in tears. "Words fall short, yes, but sometimes their shadows can reach the unspeakable." My words fall short now in describing what this was. I knew I would love this book after page 1 and seeing this raw Tumblr-esque line of "Endear, I thought, what an odd word. Endear. Endure. En-dear. In-dear. Can you out-dear someone?".

How do you compare sadness that takes over like an erupted volcano to sadness that stays inside one, still as a stillborn baby? People talk about grief coming and going like waves, but I am not a breakwater, I am not a boat, I am not a statue left on a rocky shore, tested for its endurance.

And who, my dear child, has taken the word lovable out of your dictionary and mine, and replaced it with perfect?
I wish you had made me an enemy, I said, rather than yourself.
Mothers, I thought, would be perfect for that role.
You can't be that for me, Mommy, Nikolai said. I've found a perfect enemy in myself. 

I wasn't always in the right headspace for this kind of prose which is why it took longer than usual to finish. But damn did every chapter feel like a gut punch and a heartache. There were some lines I laughed at, like the conversation about diversifying your delusions. Then I teared up at lines like making it to shore safely, is it fear or hope that keeps us going, and the discussion of endings in general. Nikolai and his mother's discourse is sometimes repetitive and hard to follow but every time I picked up the book again I had more insights about the same sentence. God. I hope everyone who reads this makes it to shore safely. I hope you and I both learn how to live. Propagate those delusions. It's ok not to be perfect. Whatever it takes for reasons to start. 
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