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A review by toad_maiden
The Story of Mankind by Hendrik Willem van Loon
1.0
The fact that this book was the first Newbery winner is a shame; it must throw so many readers off the Newbery Challenge. I honestly cannot believe that this book is still in print, or that it has more than 3 stars on Goodreads. While it may have been interesting or important when it was first published in the 1920's, it is hopelessly out-of-date and offensive today.
First and foremost, this book is not a "story of mankind," but actually just a story of whitedudekind. And van Loon knows it; he justifies himself several times against readers who might criticize his choice of topics by saying that has only written about events that have in some way impacted our world today and it isn't HIS fault that nothing important ever happened anywhere in Asia, Africa, or Precolumbian America. Phooey. There is literally one chapter on "Mohammed" and one on "Buddha and Confucius," and that is as far outside of Europe and the USA as it gets. On top of being totally Eurocentric, though, he also takes it upon himself to make bold statements about the characters of various persons and peoples throughout history, as if doing so makes him somehow subversive to the institution that is history writing. Here are some gems:
[of our prehistoric ancestor] "...he would eat [his food] raw because he had never discovered that food tasted better when it was cooked." [me: um, salad? sushi? f*ing steak tartare?]
[on Taoism] "...Lao-Tse... [was] the leader and the founder of a philosophic system called 'Taoism,' which was merely an early Chinese version of the Golden Rule.... In less than three centuries the ignorant masses had made him into a real and very cruel God and had buried his wise commandments under a rubbish-heap of superstition which made the lives of the average Chinese one long series of frights and fears and horrors." [*left eyebrow ascends into hairline*]
[on rulers] "Charlemagne and Otto the Great were called 'Roman Emperors,' but they had as little resemblance to a real Roman Emperor... as 'King' Wumba Wumba of the Upper Congo has to the highly educated rulers of Sweden or Denmark." [*stabs out own eyes*]
Among van Loon's inimitable drawings is a map of the "religions of the world," which includes swathes of Christians, Buddhists, Mohammedans, Brahmans, and many, many, many lands labelled "HEATHEN."
But this one might take the cake: "Slavery had been introduced into the American continent by the Spaniards. They had tried to use the Indians as labourers in the fields and in the mines, but the Indians, when taken away from a life in the open, had laid down and died and to save them from extinction a kind-hearted priest had suggested that negroes be brought from Africa to do the work. The negroes were strong and could stand rough treatment. Besides, association with the white man would give them a chance to learn Christianity and in this way, they would be able to save their souls, and so from every possible point of view, it would be an excellent arrangement both for the kindly white man and for his ignorant black brother." [*looks for any trace of irony in this statement; finds none; breaks open molar and swallows hidden cyanide capsule*]
Okay, so as if the flagrant racism isn't enough to make you hate this book, here are some other reasons:
-obnoxiously patronizing tone + crazy enormous vocabulary--who does this guy think his audience is?
-he does this awkward thing where he will mention someone by a single name (like "Collins"), and not a particularly famous person, and you think, "was I just spaced out when he mentioned this dude the first time?" and then you read the preceding two pages over, but no Collins. Then, eight chapters later, he explains who he is.
-the dude will spend a whole chapter on some important event (World War I, I'm looking at you) and never tell you what happened; he fills 10 pages with obnoxious metaphors for "what really happened" ("The Ship of State" did such-and-such...) without even so much as mentioning all the nations that were involved in the war.
-does anyone like those drawings? they are boring at best, and racist/misleading at worst.
Enough of a rant. Suffice it to say that if I knew anyone else planning on undertaking the Newbery Challenge, I would tell them that it wouldn't be cheating to skip this one.
First and foremost, this book is not a "story of mankind," but actually just a story of whitedudekind. And van Loon knows it; he justifies himself several times against readers who might criticize his choice of topics by saying that has only written about events that have in some way impacted our world today and it isn't HIS fault that nothing important ever happened anywhere in Asia, Africa, or Precolumbian America. Phooey. There is literally one chapter on "Mohammed" and one on "Buddha and Confucius," and that is as far outside of Europe and the USA as it gets. On top of being totally Eurocentric, though, he also takes it upon himself to make bold statements about the characters of various persons and peoples throughout history, as if doing so makes him somehow subversive to the institution that is history writing. Here are some gems:
[of our prehistoric ancestor] "...he would eat [his food] raw because he had never discovered that food tasted better when it was cooked." [me: um, salad? sushi? f*ing steak tartare?]
[on Taoism] "...Lao-Tse... [was] the leader and the founder of a philosophic system called 'Taoism,' which was merely an early Chinese version of the Golden Rule.... In less than three centuries the ignorant masses had made him into a real and very cruel God and had buried his wise commandments under a rubbish-heap of superstition which made the lives of the average Chinese one long series of frights and fears and horrors." [*left eyebrow ascends into hairline*]
[on rulers] "Charlemagne and Otto the Great were called 'Roman Emperors,' but they had as little resemblance to a real Roman Emperor... as 'King' Wumba Wumba of the Upper Congo has to the highly educated rulers of Sweden or Denmark." [*stabs out own eyes*]
Among van Loon's inimitable drawings is a map of the "religions of the world," which includes swathes of Christians, Buddhists, Mohammedans, Brahmans, and many, many, many lands labelled "HEATHEN."
But this one might take the cake: "Slavery had been introduced into the American continent by the Spaniards. They had tried to use the Indians as labourers in the fields and in the mines, but the Indians, when taken away from a life in the open, had laid down and died and to save them from extinction a kind-hearted priest had suggested that negroes be brought from Africa to do the work. The negroes were strong and could stand rough treatment. Besides, association with the white man would give them a chance to learn Christianity and in this way, they would be able to save their souls, and so from every possible point of view, it would be an excellent arrangement both for the kindly white man and for his ignorant black brother." [*looks for any trace of irony in this statement; finds none; breaks open molar and swallows hidden cyanide capsule*]
Okay, so as if the flagrant racism isn't enough to make you hate this book, here are some other reasons:
-obnoxiously patronizing tone + crazy enormous vocabulary--who does this guy think his audience is?
-he does this awkward thing where he will mention someone by a single name (like "Collins"), and not a particularly famous person, and you think, "was I just spaced out when he mentioned this dude the first time?" and then you read the preceding two pages over, but no Collins. Then, eight chapters later, he explains who he is.
-the dude will spend a whole chapter on some important event (World War I, I'm looking at you) and never tell you what happened; he fills 10 pages with obnoxious metaphors for "what really happened" ("The Ship of State" did such-and-such...) without even so much as mentioning all the nations that were involved in the war.
-does anyone like those drawings? they are boring at best, and racist/misleading at worst.
Enough of a rant. Suffice it to say that if I knew anyone else planning on undertaking the Newbery Challenge, I would tell them that it wouldn't be cheating to skip this one.