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A review by rachellarson2019
Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Becky Kennedy
****Review mid-book. I didn't finish reading this before the Kindle version got auto-returned to the library.
If you have ever watched any of Dr. Becky's instagram videos or listened to her on a podcast, the book itself is written exactly how she talks, which can be good or bad depending on your view of her style.
I do think this book is more geared towards and most helpful for parents of really young kids and I do wish I had a lot of the tools and tips she suggests back when my kids were toddlers. Later chapters (which I was just getting into) are geared a little more toward older kids (Sibling Rivalry, Rudeness and Defiance). It is a pretty easy book to read, I just had a hard time getting into it since so much of it wasn't applicable to my older kids and I probably only need 50%, if that, of what is in the book in this period of parenting.
A couple of things I found helpful that are less about parenting and more about your world view.
MGI: Most Generous Interpretation. Basically, whenever you are in a situation that is difficult/upsetting/triggering, give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Look at what they are doing or saying with your Most Generous Interpretation of the situation and of them.
Two Things Can Be True At Once: Again, applicable to almost any disagreement or conflict. But especially with our kids, we don't have to deny the reality of what they say they are feeling. But we do have the ability to still set boundaries and explain the other side of the coin to them.
One thing I couldn't shake when reading this book that was a little disheartening: Dr. Becky really preaches that all bad behavior comes down to kids just not feeling connected to you in their life or being dysregulated. Fix the connection and work on regulation and it will be fine. First of all, while I agree with her that people are generally good inside, there are some people who are just wired to be more aggressive, argumentative, and resist authority. No amount of connection or regulation is going to fix that. Someone close to me recently told me that they enjoy arguing/debate so much that they get a similar enjoyment to it as they would from playing a competitive sport. Knowing this person as a child, I can confirm that they felt that way then too. Some kids will just never stop pushing. Not acknowledging that (although maybe she does later in the book) does a disservice to parents who are in a situation that can be mitigated a bit but will never have the results they are hoping for.
Also, very little of what she preaches is transferable to adult relationships and I didn't love that she would use those as an example. I.e.: If an adult gets angry and throws something its probably because they are overwhelmed and just need support. You then help them by connecting with them and helping them regulate themselves.
For abusive relationships that is incredibly dangerous advice, not to mention co-dependent. So using some of her tactics with older teens could backfire as well if you are setting them up to expect other people in their lives and families to be responsible for their feelings and behavior rather than learning to be responsible for your own feelings and behavior.
Anyways, I would like to finish reading this book and it obviously provoked a lot of thoughts for me based on this longish review. I have used a couple of the tips with my kids with good results already, so even though I take issue with a few things in the book, there is good advice.
If you have ever watched any of Dr. Becky's instagram videos or listened to her on a podcast, the book itself is written exactly how she talks, which can be good or bad depending on your view of her style.
I do think this book is more geared towards and most helpful for parents of really young kids and I do wish I had a lot of the tools and tips she suggests back when my kids were toddlers. Later chapters (which I was just getting into) are geared a little more toward older kids (Sibling Rivalry, Rudeness and Defiance). It is a pretty easy book to read, I just had a hard time getting into it since so much of it wasn't applicable to my older kids and I probably only need 50%, if that, of what is in the book in this period of parenting.
A couple of things I found helpful that are less about parenting and more about your world view.
MGI: Most Generous Interpretation. Basically, whenever you are in a situation that is difficult/upsetting/triggering, give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Look at what they are doing or saying with your Most Generous Interpretation of the situation and of them.
Two Things Can Be True At Once: Again, applicable to almost any disagreement or conflict. But especially with our kids, we don't have to deny the reality of what they say they are feeling. But we do have the ability to still set boundaries and explain the other side of the coin to them.
One thing I couldn't shake when reading this book that was a little disheartening: Dr. Becky really preaches that all bad behavior comes down to kids just not feeling connected to you in their life or being dysregulated. Fix the connection and work on regulation and it will be fine. First of all, while I agree with her that people are generally good inside, there are some people who are just wired to be more aggressive, argumentative, and resist authority. No amount of connection or regulation is going to fix that. Someone close to me recently told me that they enjoy arguing/debate so much that they get a similar enjoyment to it as they would from playing a competitive sport. Knowing this person as a child, I can confirm that they felt that way then too. Some kids will just never stop pushing. Not acknowledging that (although maybe she does later in the book) does a disservice to parents who are in a situation that can be mitigated a bit but will never have the results they are hoping for.
Also, very little of what she preaches is transferable to adult relationships and I didn't love that she would use those as an example. I.e.: If an adult gets angry and throws something its probably because they are overwhelmed and just need support. You then help them by connecting with them and helping them regulate themselves.
For abusive relationships that is incredibly dangerous advice, not to mention co-dependent. So using some of her tactics with older teens could backfire as well if you are setting them up to expect other people in their lives and families to be responsible for their feelings and behavior rather than learning to be responsible for your own feelings and behavior.
Anyways, I would like to finish reading this book and it obviously provoked a lot of thoughts for me based on this longish review. I have used a couple of the tips with my kids with good results already, so even though I take issue with a few things in the book, there is good advice.