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A review by gracebirdly
New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
1.0
Reading the book for some reason even though you HATED the first one
*Opens the book and reads the first two chapters*
“I can’t. I just can’t.”
*Slams the book shut*
*Reading the rest of the book just to say you finished it and feeling unbearable pain while cringing at every single word on every single page*
That’s what it’s like to read this book. Please. Don’t do it. Don’t punish yourself.
EDIT 10/4/22: I HAVE REREAD THIS BOOK AND HAVE MORE THINGS TO SAY
Well I have finished this 500 page long book. Again. My main reason for putting myself through this torture was because I had a conversation with a friend who claimed that SHE ACTUALLY LIKED THIS SERIES. So, I decided I haven’t read it in a while, might as well read again with an open mind. But as I read it, I realized that my first opinion was correct and my friend is wrong. No one in their right mind could genuinely, seriously, love these books. I mean that in the nicest way possible. Sort of. But before I get to the absolute slander of this book, I must say that I was not bored while I read it. Despite its MANY problems I was still slightly invested much to my chagrin. I understand the appeal of a vampire love story (as weird as it sounds it’s true) so keep that in mind. But on to the important stuff.
I have broken it down into 3 reasons why this book does not make the cut: the characters, the writing, and the storyline
1. The characters: these characters are just cardboard cut outs of trash. Of course this has been said by many people before but I am reiterating it because it is true. Bella’s “unique” qualities are being astronomically clumsy and a magnet to anyone and everyone of the male gender. Which doesn’t make sense because she is mean, boring, and way too codependent. She’s as fun as a pile of rocks and we have to listen to her inner dialogue for 500 pages. It’s not enjoyable. Edward, is supposedly extremely hot with such beautiful golden eyes (her words not mine) but then other than that he is possessive and doesn’t let Bella do anything that she wants to do. So yea best boyfriend ever…..also he sucks at breaking up with people, you think after over 100 years of being alive he would be better at it but news flash he’s not. And finally Jacob. At the beginning he was a nice break from the mopey I love Edward, he’s gone sort of thing that was going on because he was nice and seemed like maybe a good character. But then he turned into a werewolf and all of a sudden it’s like he turned into a 2nd Edward. Just as toxic but a different mythical creature, so fun!
2. The writing: oh dear, this writing. I expected more out of this book because it is so popular but it really seems like this book was written by an 8th grader on watt pad. Let me give you some examples, this’ll be fun:
“I glowered at him. The heat almost, but not quite, reached my face. It had been a long time since I’d blushed with any emotion”
“Romeo was one of my favorite fictional characters. Until I’d met Edward, I’d sort of had a thing for him”
“Outside the rain came down like water slopped from a bucket”
“The figure of speech cold shoulder seemed to have some literal truth to it”
“I paused to check the locks again before I went to my room. It was a silly thing to do. What difference would a lock make to any of the monsters I’d seen this afternoon? I assumed the handle alone would stymie the wolves, not having opposable thumbs.”
“It said that there was something deeply wrong about me. Why else would my life be filled with characters from horror movies? Why else would I care so much about them that it would tear big chunks right out of my chest when they went off along their mythical ways”
“Alice stomped on the gas and - with the tires screeching like human screams-spun us around to face the road.”
“Aro reached out, as if to shake my hand, and pressed his insubstantial-looking skin to mine. It was hard, but felt brittle-shale rather than granite-and even colder than I expected.”
And I will concede that not everyone can be the best writer but again, this was a bestselling book and so I expected more. I was very disappointed.
3. The storyline: I’m not gonna go too in depth about it but the plot just is awful and makes no sense. Basically I had more than a few problems with the plot but here’s the main highlights. First of all, she loves Romeo and Juliet so much (she thinks it’s such a good romance which is problematic in and of itself) and this whole book is practically based on the Romeo Juliet thing. You know he thinks she’s dead so he tries to commit suicide. Which we should not be glorifying suicide…so a whole other set of issues there. Second of all, More than half of the book Bella is moping over their break up, for literal months. Need I remind you that Edward and Bella WERE ONLY DATING FOR 6 MONTHS WHEN HE BROKE UP WITH HER. The fact that she is so torn up about their break up for so long is a problem. And finally, there’s the whole love triangle thing. There’s a whole Edward jacob debate but I am convinced that this love triangle is non existent. Bella has and always will be in love with Edward and has said over and over again she does not feel for Jacob like she feels for Edward so as long as Edward is in the picture, Jacob is out. Hence, no love triangle. And yet it’s such a big deal, I don’t get it.
So, I am now done with my rant, I apologize for wasting your time but this was very therapeutic. Thank you for coming to Ted talk.
*Opens the book and reads the first two chapters*
“I can’t. I just can’t.”
*Slams the book shut*
*Reading the rest of the book just to say you finished it and feeling unbearable pain while cringing at every single word on every single page*
That’s what it’s like to read this book. Please. Don’t do it. Don’t punish yourself.
EDIT 10/4/22: I HAVE REREAD THIS BOOK AND HAVE MORE THINGS TO SAY
Well I have finished this 500 page long book. Again. My main reason for putting myself through this torture was because I had a conversation with a friend who claimed that SHE ACTUALLY LIKED THIS SERIES. So, I decided I haven’t read it in a while, might as well read again with an open mind. But as I read it, I realized that my first opinion was correct and my friend is wrong. No one in their right mind could genuinely, seriously, love these books. I mean that in the nicest way possible. Sort of. But before I get to the absolute slander of this book, I must say that I was not bored while I read it. Despite its MANY problems I was still slightly invested much to my chagrin. I understand the appeal of a vampire love story (as weird as it sounds it’s true) so keep that in mind. But on to the important stuff.
I have broken it down into 3 reasons why this book does not make the cut: the characters, the writing, and the storyline
1. The characters: these characters are just cardboard cut outs of trash. Of course this has been said by many people before but I am reiterating it because it is true. Bella’s “unique” qualities are being astronomically clumsy and a magnet to anyone and everyone of the male gender. Which doesn’t make sense because she is mean, boring, and way too codependent. She’s as fun as a pile of rocks and we have to listen to her inner dialogue for 500 pages. It’s not enjoyable. Edward, is supposedly extremely hot with such beautiful golden eyes (her words not mine) but then other than that he is possessive and doesn’t let Bella do anything that she wants to do. So yea best boyfriend ever…..also he sucks at breaking up with people, you think after over 100 years of being alive he would be better at it but news flash he’s not. And finally Jacob. At the beginning he was a nice break from the mopey I love Edward, he’s gone sort of thing that was going on because he was nice and seemed like maybe a good character. But then he turned into a werewolf and all of a sudden it’s like he turned into a 2nd Edward. Just as toxic but a different mythical creature, so fun!
2. The writing: oh dear, this writing. I expected more out of this book because it is so popular but it really seems like this book was written by an 8th grader on watt pad. Let me give you some examples, this’ll be fun:
“I glowered at him. The heat almost, but not quite, reached my face. It had been a long time since I’d blushed with any emotion”
“Romeo was one of my favorite fictional characters. Until I’d met Edward, I’d sort of had a thing for him”
“Outside the rain came down like water slopped from a bucket”
“The figure of speech cold shoulder seemed to have some literal truth to it”
“I paused to check the locks again before I went to my room. It was a silly thing to do. What difference would a lock make to any of the monsters I’d seen this afternoon? I assumed the handle alone would stymie the wolves, not having opposable thumbs.”
“It said that there was something deeply wrong about me. Why else would my life be filled with characters from horror movies? Why else would I care so much about them that it would tear big chunks right out of my chest when they went off along their mythical ways”
“Alice stomped on the gas and - with the tires screeching like human screams-spun us around to face the road.”
“Aro reached out, as if to shake my hand, and pressed his insubstantial-looking skin to mine. It was hard, but felt brittle-shale rather than granite-and even colder than I expected.”
And I will concede that not everyone can be the best writer but again, this was a bestselling book and so I expected more. I was very disappointed.
3. The storyline: I’m not gonna go too in depth about it but the plot just is awful and makes no sense. Basically I had more than a few problems with the plot but here’s the main highlights. First of all, she loves Romeo and Juliet so much (she thinks it’s such a good romance which is problematic in and of itself) and this whole book is practically based on the Romeo Juliet thing. You know he thinks she’s dead so he tries to commit suicide. Which we should not be glorifying suicide…so a whole other set of issues there. Second of all, More than half of the book Bella is moping over their break up, for literal months. Need I remind you that Edward and Bella WERE ONLY DATING FOR 6 MONTHS WHEN HE BROKE UP WITH HER. The fact that she is so torn up about their break up for so long is a problem. And finally, there’s the whole love triangle thing. There’s a whole Edward jacob debate but I am convinced that this love triangle is non existent. Bella has and always will be in love with Edward and has said over and over again she does not feel for Jacob like she feels for Edward so as long as Edward is in the picture, Jacob is out. Hence, no love triangle. And yet it’s such a big deal, I don’t get it.
So, I am now done with my rant, I apologize for wasting your time but this was very therapeutic. Thank you for coming to Ted talk.