Scan barcode
A review by bellatora
All's Well That Ends Well by William Shakespeare
3.0
HELENA: I am hopelessly in love with Bertram! But he is a count and I am but a lowly physician's daughter and the ward of his mother the Countess! Woe!
RANDOM GUY: Hey, the king's sick!
HELENA: Well, I am a physician's daughter...
KING: You have cured me, Helena! I'll give you anything you want. What would that be? Gold? Pretty baubles? A new dress?
HELENA: Bertram.
KING: Well, I am king. So be it!
BETRAM: AH HELL NO. *runs away to fight with the Duke of Florence*
HELENA: Woe! Bertram will never be my true spouse unless I get the ring from his finger and his child in my belly! But he won't even get within eyesight of me! I am so hopelessly in love with him despite all this. Guess it's stalking time!
BERTRAM: Ha! Good thing I outran that weirdo Helena. That Diana chick is pretty hot, though.
HELENA: Hey, Diana! Let me pretend to be you so I can trick my husband into sleeping with me and giving me his ring.
DIANA:... 'k.
MESSENGER: Helena is dead. Safe to return to France, dude.
BERTRAM: Sweet.
HELENA: I AM TOTALLY ALIVE AND TOTALLY TRICKED YOU INTO SLEEPING WITH ME AND GIVING YOU MY RING. I WIN. NOW YOU HAVE TO BE MY TRUE HUSBAND.
BERTRAM: ....
KING: Excellent! I'm so happy for you both.
BERTRAM: Yes...happy. So...very...happy.
HAPPILY EVER AFTER SHAKESPEARE STYLE.
I am at a loss to how this was a comedy considering how very, very stupid Helena was to blindly pursue Bertram despite lack of all interest from him. Helena is supposed to be pretty awesome--the King likes her, and the Countess likes her more than her own son (for pretty obvious reasons). So why is Helena's self-worth tied to Bertram? I think the guy fleeing the country is a pretty good sign that He's Just Not That Into You. And no way is he that hot. There has to be other attractive guys the King or Countess can set Helena up with.
RANDOM GUY: Hey, the king's sick!
HELENA: Well, I am a physician's daughter...
KING: You have cured me, Helena! I'll give you anything you want. What would that be? Gold? Pretty baubles? A new dress?
HELENA: Bertram.
KING: Well, I am king. So be it!
BETRAM: AH HELL NO. *runs away to fight with the Duke of Florence*
HELENA: Woe! Bertram will never be my true spouse unless I get the ring from his finger and his child in my belly! But he won't even get within eyesight of me! I am so hopelessly in love with him despite all this. Guess it's stalking time!
BERTRAM: Ha! Good thing I outran that weirdo Helena. That Diana chick is pretty hot, though.
HELENA: Hey, Diana! Let me pretend to be you so I can trick my husband into sleeping with me and giving me his ring.
DIANA:... 'k.
MESSENGER: Helena is dead. Safe to return to France, dude.
BERTRAM: Sweet.
HELENA: I AM TOTALLY ALIVE AND TOTALLY TRICKED YOU INTO SLEEPING WITH ME AND GIVING YOU MY RING. I WIN. NOW YOU HAVE TO BE MY TRUE HUSBAND.
BERTRAM: ....
KING: Excellent! I'm so happy for you both.
BERTRAM: Yes...happy. So...very...happy.
HAPPILY EVER AFTER SHAKESPEARE STYLE.
I am at a loss to how this was a comedy considering how very, very stupid Helena was to blindly pursue Bertram despite lack of all interest from him. Helena is supposed to be pretty awesome--the King likes her, and the Countess likes her more than her own son (for pretty obvious reasons). So why is Helena's self-worth tied to Bertram? I think the guy fleeing the country is a pretty good sign that He's Just Not That Into You. And no way is he that hot. There has to be other attractive guys the King or Countess can set Helena up with.