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A review by franticfairy
Men Have Called Her Crazy by Anna Marie Tendler
4.0
I went into this book not knowing a single thing about Anna Marie Tendler; I picked it up because I generally enjoy reading memoirs regarding mental health as I'm a mental health counselor and appreciate discussions on trauma, mental health, and psychology.
I won't say I enjoyed this book as it is a memoir and a rather hard one to read, but it was easy to read, relatable, and unabashedly honest. The author has had struggles since childhood that have continued into adulthood and painted her interactions and views with men accordingly.
Her instances with adult men as a teenager were harrowing and hard to read. While the author acknowledged the major red flags and criminality of the situations, I was shocked that her feelings and thoughts weren't explored longer on these topics. These were the times where I think the trauma was most apparent, but then it skipped over to later in life dealing with boyfriends who were rich and oblivious (not that she can't have strong feelings about that but the situations are not the same gravity in my opinion). I do wish we got more time to explore how those earlier interactions altered her views and impacted her present/more recent relationships just a bit more (I know it is implied but seeing the connections would have been powerful).
The author's questions about motherhood and not wanting to be left out felt extremely relatable and I read that part at a time when I was actively asking myself the same questions. That portion of the book was appreciated and I felt more understood and less alone in my thoughts.
While I enjoyed this author's views and ability to tell her truth, there were times when I thought the author had a very narrow perspective and had a hard time seeing multiple angles of situations (but hey, I won't argue too much because this is HER book and HER views, after all). One thing that made me scratch my head a little was the childhood trauma that was skimmed over and never really considered as impacting her and her views throughout the rest of the novel. Maybe that is something she is still working on in her life, maybe she didn't want that to be the focus of this book. I don't know, but I thought it was an interesting/weird choice.
The other thing that made me question her perspective came from the last chapter of the book when the author was reading her hospital evaluation. I think her reaction, for the most part, was valid -- there have been plenty of times as a counselor where I have disagreed with another professional's assessment, particularly when that professional did not have a long-term relationship with the client (such as in a short term hospital stay) or they are only writing the final report (as was the case for Anna's evaluation). The part that confused me was the author's ire over word choices. In the evaluation, there is a comment that the doctor makes saying "client denies hallucinations, mania, and psychosis" (or something similar, I am paraphrasing), then later the doctor makes another statement that says "client has no hallucinations, mania, or psychosis." The author states, "Words matter!" and vehemently states that these two statements should read the same. However, that's not how reports go. The first statement was likely made when the client entered treatment and thus the doctors would only be able to take the client's word at face value that they do not have any hallucinations, mania, or psychosis., Thus, "client denies" is accurate, and it is a very commonly used phrase in psych notes and evals. Later, when the client goes through their meetings and tests and they are being monitored more closely, the team as a whole can physically see that the client is not experiencing those things. Hence why the doctor also includes their personal findings ("client has no..."). It's possible the author is not aware of this common practice, but having blatant anger over this particular phrasing was a bit too strong for me. Question the findings, reject the diagnoses, but the wording? The wording is fine.
Overall, I did find value in reading about the author's mental health struggles and the journey to begin her healing.
I won't say I enjoyed this book as it is a memoir and a rather hard one to read, but it was easy to read, relatable, and unabashedly honest. The author has had struggles since childhood that have continued into adulthood and painted her interactions and views with men accordingly.
Her instances with adult men as a teenager were harrowing and hard to read. While the author acknowledged the major red flags and criminality of the situations, I was shocked that her feelings and thoughts weren't explored longer on these topics. These were the times where I think the trauma was most apparent, but then it skipped over to later in life dealing with boyfriends who were rich and oblivious (not that she can't have strong feelings about that but the situations are not the same gravity in my opinion). I do wish we got more time to explore how those earlier interactions altered her views and impacted her present/more recent relationships just a bit more (I know it is implied but seeing the connections would have been powerful).
The author's questions about motherhood and not wanting to be left out felt extremely relatable and I read that part at a time when I was actively asking myself the same questions. That portion of the book was appreciated and I felt more understood and less alone in my thoughts.
Spoiler
It has been a LONG time since I cried while reading a book, but Petunia's chapter WRECKED me. Having a dog who is getting older, my biggest heartbreak is losing her too soon and I could feel the author's agony in the chapter about her dog. It was well-written, emotional, and absolutely devastating.While I enjoyed this author's views and ability to tell her truth, there were times when I thought the author had a very narrow perspective and had a hard time seeing multiple angles of situations (but hey, I won't argue too much because this is HER book and HER views, after all). One thing that made me scratch my head a little was the childhood trauma that was skimmed over and never really considered as impacting her and her views throughout the rest of the novel. Maybe that is something she is still working on in her life, maybe she didn't want that to be the focus of this book. I don't know, but I thought it was an interesting/weird choice.
The other thing that made me question her perspective came from the last chapter of the book when the author was reading her hospital evaluation. I think her reaction, for the most part, was valid -- there have been plenty of times as a counselor where I have disagreed with another professional's assessment, particularly when that professional did not have a long-term relationship with the client (such as in a short term hospital stay) or they are only writing the final report (as was the case for Anna's evaluation). The part that confused me was the author's ire over word choices. In the evaluation, there is a comment that the doctor makes saying "client denies hallucinations, mania, and psychosis" (or something similar, I am paraphrasing), then later the doctor makes another statement that says "client has no hallucinations, mania, or psychosis." The author states, "Words matter!" and vehemently states that these two statements should read the same. However, that's not how reports go. The first statement was likely made when the client entered treatment and thus the doctors would only be able to take the client's word at face value that they do not have any hallucinations, mania, or psychosis., Thus, "client denies" is accurate, and it is a very commonly used phrase in psych notes and evals. Later, when the client goes through their meetings and tests and they are being monitored more closely, the team as a whole can physically see that the client is not experiencing those things. Hence why the doctor also includes their personal findings ("client has no..."). It's possible the author is not aware of this common practice, but having blatant anger over this particular phrasing was a bit too strong for me. Question the findings, reject the diagnoses, but the wording? The wording is fine.
Overall, I did find value in reading about the author's mental health struggles and the journey to begin her healing.