A review by sarahmatthews
I'm a Fan by Sheena Patel

fast-paced

I’m A Fan by Sheena Patel

Read on audio

Narrator: Sheena Patel

Rough Trade Books

Pub. 2022, 204pp

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This is one of 3 books from the Women’s Prize longlist I’ve read this year. I’m writing this after listening to the audiobook a second time; the book stayed in my head and as it’s so short, I thought I’d return to it and see what I thought a couple of months later.

Well, it’s just as compelling and brilliantly written as I remember. The narrative voice is so distinctive and the audiobook is narrated by the author with great feeling at times, making you wonder if some of these situations/behaviours might be autobiographical. If so, Sheena, I hope you’re ok!

The level of online stalking and general obsession over other people’s lives is quite disturbing but oh so entertaining! 

This book puts a spotlight on performative consumerism, the terrible things people do to each other in relationships and problematic Instagram behaviour. It chronicles the life of a woman who’s view of the world is warped, with self esteem issues which have sent her spiralling, resulting in her becoming isolated, jealous and rather lost. 

This novel also explores issues of race, micro aggressions and the power imbalance that the main character feels within her rather dysfunctional relationship. She’s cheating on her boyfriend with a married man who’s wealthy and is also cheating on his wife (and her) with other women.

“The only way to have a relationship with the Man I Want To Be With is through conflict, the only time he pays rapt attention to me is when I am splitting with rage, when I manufacture needing an urgent answer to an existential question about us. The war is waged like Morse code, needle bursts of pressure and silence. He renders me dead or alive with the flare of his attention. He is like this with all of us. He is a void, and there is no way to fill it.”

This is a raw, uncomfortable and passionate book and I’m sadly pretty sure a lot of readers will recognise some of the male behaviour she describes.

“How does he fill my entire life and I’m only a slither of his?” In turn she’s truly awful to her boyfriend.

I think another reason I connected with this novel is that it’s loosely set in the London art world; I very much enjoyed the passages reflecting on art exhibitions. If you’re interested in the effects of extreme online behaviour in our confusing modern world then this book is for you.