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A review by crafty_goblin
Porn Is Not Sex Ed!: A Young Person's Illustrated Guide to Debunking Sexuality Myths by Jessica Melendez
1.75
I like the idea of a book for middle grade explaining porn. But, if the idea is good the realization here totally missed the spot.
From the very first page, It starts saying that people feel embarrassed to speak about sex because we don't get it and feel the need to be an expert and bla bla bla and then said ok we're here to speak about porn.
Porn isn't sex. It seems to be the main topic of the book but here the approach is already wrong.
What should be normalized here first of all is discussion about sex even before porn comes around to mess up with what you know (or should know). Lack of communication around sex is problematic. Bad ethics in porn industry is problematic. Objectization and hyper sexualization in medias is problematic. Rape culture is problematic. Lack of representations outside of gender binary tradit onal model in sex-ed is problematic. Porn, per se, isn't the issue. Lack of communication about anything remotely close to sex (outside of reproductive purpose) is the massive issue.
I like the interactive and comics strip parts. The form. Not so much the content unfortunately.
Another point that bothered me is speaking of evolution of sexualization in medias based on the way we access it. It is only partially true and lack of relevance if the evolution of moeurs and the explanation of how things are differently approached, accepted, canceled, persecuted , excused (mostly when it shouldn't ) or shamed depends of eras, beliefs, and location.
I'm totally against a binary approach of sex (and porn). Not in terms of genders (though gender binary focus is also an issue here) but in term of either you have sex or not. It's not black and white. It's a full spectrum and there's way more between having sex and not having sexat all.
The definition and explanation about consent is a bit reductive for my tastes. It's not just giving permission. It's setting rules and defining what are the limits for every participant, where you are comfortable and when you are not anymore. Either for watching porn, having whatever sort of sex or just in term of relationship. It's also how to deal when people (most of them whatever how they identify but mostly men in our actual society) don't do thing the right way, how to be sure of your own decision, how not be manipulated or see your comfort and understanding of a sexual situation diminished and so on. How to seek your pleasure and say it when it doesn't work for you even if it bruises male ego.
The book seems to be middle grade target, it means 8-13 years old, right ? But the language is sometimes too childish to explain a concept and sometimes totally out of the age target by being too mature.
Also, speaking about gender stereotypes but including the only male-female without including the non cis aspects of it (non binary, trans,two spirits...) is tricky and biased. I mean, there is a mention that there are more genders but added as an afterthought, not better than a footnote made of barely a full sentence.
The definition of male gaze is wrong for so many reasons that I won't detailed here. It's simplist even for kids or teens and unfortunately stereotypical and partially wrong.
The writer seems to have a vision, let's say, idolized of por or maybe outdated. That's not really helpful at the end. I get it that you cannot (or don't want) to speak about certain aspects of porn and sexuality with teens but the fact is they are already exposed to it and not discussing it properly is THE issue.
Totally canceling (or diabolizing) porn is also the best way to push them to take a look at it and take recommendation where they shouldn't. All kind of porn isn't sex-ed, yes, but all porns aren't bad. Now, there is a lot of ethical studios creating ethical porn for the last few years and more safe, consent friendly and diversity approached. Is still not sex ed, yes. But it's something that should be explained to be sure they access the right content if they are curious (and they will).
The asexuality part is so reductive and false. Wanted to include queer and Ace spectrum without deeper knowledges than the basic definition of Asexual in the dico is a really bad thing. It sounds like a queer washing after thought (again). And it's false and non inclusive information. Or at least not relevant enough. Sex can be an interest for asexual too (demisexual to mentioned just one). Just saying that sex isn't an interest for asexual, at all, is plain wrong. It's a spectrum there is so much more to add to this.
Except for one or two "after thoughts", few words here and there (really so little for something around those topics) the 2SLGBTQIA+ are totally forgotten. It's men and women dynamics, cishet.
Overall, it's a very cishet American way of doing sex-ed and "explaining" porn and the difference between both. As a queer woman and sensitivity reader, I cannot recommend this at all.
I'm aware that I received it as an Advanced reader copy and that the content might not be totally definitive. But I can see the need for at least 20 more pages to includes the 2SLGBTQIA+ pov, ethical porn and more and correct half of what I read. I hope it's a really early draft.
From the very first page, It starts saying that people feel embarrassed to speak about sex because we don't get it and feel the need to be an expert and bla bla bla and then said ok we're here to speak about porn.
Porn isn't sex. It seems to be the main topic of the book but here the approach is already wrong.
What should be normalized here first of all is discussion about sex even before porn comes around to mess up with what you know (or should know). Lack of communication around sex is problematic. Bad ethics in porn industry is problematic. Objectization and hyper sexualization in medias is problematic. Rape culture is problematic. Lack of representations outside of gender binary tradit onal model in sex-ed is problematic. Porn, per se, isn't the issue. Lack of communication about anything remotely close to sex (outside of reproductive purpose) is the massive issue.
I like the interactive and comics strip parts. The form. Not so much the content unfortunately.
Another point that bothered me is speaking of evolution of sexualization in medias based on the way we access it. It is only partially true and lack of relevance if the evolution of moeurs and the explanation of how things are differently approached, accepted, canceled, persecuted , excused (mostly when it shouldn't ) or shamed depends of eras, beliefs, and location.
I'm totally against a binary approach of sex (and porn). Not in terms of genders (though gender binary focus is also an issue here) but in term of either you have sex or not. It's not black and white. It's a full spectrum and there's way more between having sex and not having sexat all.
The definition and explanation about consent is a bit reductive for my tastes. It's not just giving permission. It's setting rules and defining what are the limits for every participant, where you are comfortable and when you are not anymore. Either for watching porn, having whatever sort of sex or just in term of relationship. It's also how to deal when people (most of them whatever how they identify but mostly men in our actual society) don't do thing the right way, how to be sure of your own decision, how not be manipulated or see your comfort and understanding of a sexual situation diminished and so on. How to seek your pleasure and say it when it doesn't work for you even if it bruises male ego.
The book seems to be middle grade target, it means 8-13 years old, right ? But the language is sometimes too childish to explain a concept and sometimes totally out of the age target by being too mature.
Also, speaking about gender stereotypes but including the only male-female without including the non cis aspects of it (non binary, trans,two spirits...) is tricky and biased. I mean, there is a mention that there are more genders but added as an afterthought, not better than a footnote made of barely a full sentence.
The definition of male gaze is wrong for so many reasons that I won't detailed here. It's simplist even for kids or teens and unfortunately stereotypical and partially wrong.
The writer seems to have a vision, let's say, idolized of por or maybe outdated. That's not really helpful at the end. I get it that you cannot (or don't want) to speak about certain aspects of porn and sexuality with teens but the fact is they are already exposed to it and not discussing it properly is THE issue.
Totally canceling (or diabolizing) porn is also the best way to push them to take a look at it and take recommendation where they shouldn't. All kind of porn isn't sex-ed, yes, but all porns aren't bad. Now, there is a lot of ethical studios creating ethical porn for the last few years and more safe, consent friendly and diversity approached. Is still not sex ed, yes. But it's something that should be explained to be sure they access the right content if they are curious (and they will).
The asexuality part is so reductive and false. Wanted to include queer and Ace spectrum without deeper knowledges than the basic definition of Asexual in the dico is a really bad thing. It sounds like a queer washing after thought (again). And it's false and non inclusive information. Or at least not relevant enough. Sex can be an interest for asexual too (demisexual to mentioned just one). Just saying that sex isn't an interest for asexual, at all, is plain wrong. It's a spectrum there is so much more to add to this.
Except for one or two "after thoughts", few words here and there (really so little for something around those topics) the 2SLGBTQIA+ are totally forgotten. It's men and women dynamics, cishet.
Overall, it's a very cishet American way of doing sex-ed and "explaining" porn and the difference between both. As a queer woman and sensitivity reader, I cannot recommend this at all.
I'm aware that I received it as an Advanced reader copy and that the content might not be totally definitive. But I can see the need for at least 20 more pages to includes the 2SLGBTQIA+ pov, ethical porn and more and correct half of what I read. I hope it's a really early draft.