A review by bluebeereads
The Last Time We Say Goodbye by Cynthia Hand

5.0

Istyria book blog ~ B's world of enchanted books

A Personal Note Before the Review

I can't just review this. Not this book. I just can't. I have too much I want to say. So what I'm going to do is this... I'm telling everything I want to tell you guys, but it's up to you if you read it or not. It's very personal and I understand if you don't want to read that. So I'm putting it in these spoiler tags and it's up to you from that point. You can read it, or you can just not open it and read the review alone. Okay? Okay.

Spoiler

My life hasn't been easy. I'm happy now, but there was a time when I thought I would never be. I've been bullied all my life. And it was bad. I went to school crying and I came home crying even harder. I changed schools but that didn't change anything but my address. The first time I tried to kill myself was in the last year of elementary school. I tried to jump out of my bedroom window, but mom stopped me. We moved. She'd just met the guy that is now still her husband so we moved in with him. My brothers hated me for it. I thought it'd be better. At first it was, but then the bullying started again and I didn't get better. Even when I got into High School, but bullying just followed me. And then, after my second year of high school, the one person keeping me from drowning died. Lung cancer. I saw her dying bit by bit. My grandmother died on July 19th 2004. 12 days before my 14th birthday. And it destroyed me. At first I was numb, until the funeral was over and I saw the funeral guys drive her away to the crematorium. Then I broke down. And it didn't get any better. I was falling in this deep black hole and I never stopped. I started cutting myself and I tried to kill myself again. My grandma was with me, I could feel her and I missed her and I still do. I had moments where I couldn't breathe. But then I'd feel her hand on my shoulder and remember her last words. "Never give up." And I didn't. I changed schools again. I met people that weren't really friends, but they didn't bully me and they were nice. So it got a little better. The bullying didn't stop though. And I started to believe what everyone thought. In my last, seventh year of high school... it had just begun and I already knew I wasn't going to make the end of the year if I kept going to school. So I quit school. After that I got better bit by bit. I met my boyfriend and we've been together for six years now. Time heals all wounds. It really does. But not completely. There's still a scar. The void was filled by my best friend, who I met not so very long ago. But she managed to fill that void grandma left behind. I love you, Steph, if you're reading this. Oh and by the way, my grandma's name was Nelly. Now that's my author name. Now I have a necklace with the letter N. Now I have the N tattooed on my wrist. Now I'm not giving up. Now I'm still writing because she told me so. I'm alive. And I'm glad I didn't die all those years ago, if only for all the books I would've missed out on. That's it... I think. Phew, where are those damn tissues again?

The Actual Review

Phew. My bloggy friends who'd read this already had warned me for this book, but I didn't think it would affect me this much. I didn't, okay? It got personal, very personal and I've never cried so much reading a book. I cry easily, but not when I'm reading. But this book... it made me cry for about 70% of the time I was reading it. Hell, I'm crying right now. Writing this review. Thinking about it. God, I'm a mess.

The Last Time We Say Goodbye is about Lex. Lex had a good life. Until her brother killed himself. Now it's all a big giant mess. Her family is broken, her friends look at her like she might break any moment and she doesn't have her perfect boyfriend anymore. She's living with a lot of guilt because of a secret that might have changed everything. She has to learn how to live with the pain she feels, but it's not easy. It never is.

I physically hurt after reading this book. My heart hurts. A lot. I'm still crying and I ... Honestly, I've never felt like this after reading a book. But it's not just a book. Because all of it can happen in real life. It might have happened last week somewhere in the world and we would never know. It's sad and heartbreaking and easily forgotten. Cynthia did such a good job putting this to words. It must have been so hard to write this book and I can't give anything but praise for that. I know how hard this must have been. I know. So really, Cynthia, amazing job. You did something, I never could.

It's crazy how much I could relate to Lex. I knew how she felt. All of it. The numbness, the anger, the pain. The feeling of being lost and not knowing how to breathe without falling apart. The Feeling of not being able to focus on the good stuff, but only seeing how it all ended just like that. I know how that feels. I've been there! Which made it so much harder for me to read without falling apart from all the memories it brought back.

Honestly guys, I just loved everything. I'm a complete mess and this book was beautiful and I don't know what else I can say about it. I highly recommend this book, but please, keep tissues close, okay? You'll need them. Thank you Cynthia, for this book.

This review is also (or -soon- will be) posted on Istyria book blog