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A review by anlters
House of Holes by Nicholson Baker
Did not finish book.
1.0
If I had to read another "ingenious" term for penis ("big meat wagon", "fully spunkloaded meatloaf of a ham steak of a dick") or vagina ("her famished slutslot", "fuckfounain", "her simmering chickenshack"), I would go crazy, so I am abandoning this halfway through. Also I was sick of all the heteronormativity after the first "sexy" scene that read like a bad straight porn, where there is no plot or characters and all women just love to have a "slickened seedstick" in their "hot wet-pooters". Nothing about this was erotic. Except maybe this:
"She got in the water and held Wade’s hand. After a moment’s time, she reached down and poked into herself. Then her face contorted, and her upper lip pushed out, and she drooled a little. She practically broke his fingerbones in her grip. In the water was a large brown object. She slumped back for a moment, resting. “That hurt very, very much, even more than your cock hurt,” she said. “But I will recover.”
“I think you may have just crapped the bathtub,” said Wade.
She looked up. “No, I did not ‘crap.’ That is incorrect. You will see. This is one of my sculptures. It is made of asswood.”
Just kidding. There was nothing.
"She got in the water and held Wade’s hand. After a moment’s time, she reached down and poked into herself. Then her face contorted, and her upper lip pushed out, and she drooled a little. She practically broke his fingerbones in her grip. In the water was a large brown object. She slumped back for a moment, resting. “That hurt very, very much, even more than your cock hurt,” she said. “But I will recover.”
“I think you may have just crapped the bathtub,” said Wade.
She looked up. “No, I did not ‘crap.’ That is incorrect. You will see. This is one of my sculptures. It is made of asswood.”
Just kidding. There was nothing.