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sonnetsandstarfall 's review for:
Okay, here's where I'm at.
I wanted so much to love this book. I adore Jeffrey Marsh, I follow them on Twitter and their content is nothing short of inspiring and amazing.
I got this book because Jeffrey is nonbinary. My fiance is trans-nonbinary, and I'm transgender. I was hoping the book would be full of the incredible amount of love and positivity that Jeffrey exhibits online.
And it is. But there's a kicker.
1) This book perpetuates the incredibly toxic idea that to love someone else, you must first fall in love with yourself. I cannot condone this. This is a severe source of anxiety for me every day, and I will fight this toxic statement until the day I die.
2) This book is of the idea that 'you should just do it!', or, in other words, that changing is simply decision-making. And that's not the case. It felt, to me, very ableist. Sure, if you can overcome your fears and ideals and go live your best life by choice, do it! But there are people with real disorders, such as OCD, or PTSD for example that can't 'just do it', because to them, it feels as though just doing it is going to cause a chain reaction of bad events.
3) This book also is big on forgiveness, and the ideal that people do their best. Jeffrey mentions their parents, and how even though 'our' parents ideals and actions weren't perfect, they did their best. It's a generalization to parents. And no. I don't agree with this either. Because even if the parents did 'their best'- what good is that when their best was abuse that turned into a lifetime cycle of anxiety and dread? I will not excuse toxic or abusive behavior. Parents live for their children. Parents should redefine their best, we shouldn't have to forgive beatings, verbal abuse, lack of acceptance, or trying to fit into a mold.
So, yeah. The idea for the book was good. Jeffrey is great. But I can't recommend this book. It disappointed me a lot. Self-love is incredibly important, but not everyone can be forgiven, and not everyone fits into a checked box.
I wanted so much to love this book. I adore Jeffrey Marsh, I follow them on Twitter and their content is nothing short of inspiring and amazing.
I got this book because Jeffrey is nonbinary. My fiance is trans-nonbinary, and I'm transgender. I was hoping the book would be full of the incredible amount of love and positivity that Jeffrey exhibits online.
And it is. But there's a kicker.
1) This book perpetuates the incredibly toxic idea that to love someone else, you must first fall in love with yourself. I cannot condone this. This is a severe source of anxiety for me every day, and I will fight this toxic statement until the day I die.
2) This book is of the idea that 'you should just do it!', or, in other words, that changing is simply decision-making. And that's not the case. It felt, to me, very ableist. Sure, if you can overcome your fears and ideals and go live your best life by choice, do it! But there are people with real disorders, such as OCD, or PTSD for example that can't 'just do it', because to them, it feels as though just doing it is going to cause a chain reaction of bad events.
3) This book also is big on forgiveness, and the ideal that people do their best. Jeffrey mentions their parents, and how even though 'our' parents ideals and actions weren't perfect, they did their best. It's a generalization to parents. And no. I don't agree with this either. Because even if the parents did 'their best'- what good is that when their best was abuse that turned into a lifetime cycle of anxiety and dread? I will not excuse toxic or abusive behavior. Parents live for their children. Parents should redefine their best, we shouldn't have to forgive beatings, verbal abuse, lack of acceptance, or trying to fit into a mold.
So, yeah. The idea for the book was good. Jeffrey is great. But I can't recommend this book. It disappointed me a lot. Self-love is incredibly important, but not everyone can be forgiven, and not everyone fits into a checked box.