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A review by citrus_seasalt
Ollie In Between by Jess Callans
3.5
Thank you to Macmillan Children’s for the eARC!
As a reader who doesn’t neatly fit into the gender binary, I was very excited to receive the approval for this book!! Queer representation in middle grade is still scarce, particularly trans representation (ESPECIALLY if it’s non-white, good lord), but “Ollie In Between” is one of the newer additions to a subcategory of quietly impactful self-discovery narratives. Despite my rating technically being on the lower side, I’m purposeful with that word choice: Callans provides a visceral, often deeply uncomfortable, glimpse into entering puberty with a body your true self isn’t recognized in. The discomfort Ollie feels goes deeper than a stereotypical “born into the wrong body” narrative, focusing a bit more on the pain of gender being thrust upon someone. (To say it brought back some repressed memories and emotions would be a gross understatement. I bawled.)
Besides that, though, I really enjoyed the portrayal of neurodivergence (in this case, what seems to be autism)! It added an extra layer to Ollie’s dilemma around not fitting in with their peers, and it was left in subtext instead of being spelled out as something that most likely complicated their coming out journey. The sensory overload scenes were also well-written, they showed the overwhelm and emotional triggers of them so well it made me uneasy.
I can’t speak on the experiences of the cruelty of middle schoolers— around that time of my life, I was in a queer bubble of sorts— but I liked the complexity in some of Ollie’s other relationships, particularly with their sister (Lila), and their father. I’m very happy to see longer-term grief being discussed in more kidlit (which is kinda contradictory to say, seeing as it makes me miserable if it resonates). While Ollie’s thoughts around it were simplistically worded, their feelings still had depth to them, and their father was awkward and sweet in equal measure. Lila felt like she’d be a one-dimensional character at first, but I was pleased when that wasn’t the case.
I would have liked to see more time with the QSA, though! Ollie spent so much of the book being bullied by their other friends that there weren’t as many pages with that group. Stella was also the only member I actually liked, and wasn’t just neutral about…? (Please take those criticisms with a grain of salt, I may have blocked out certain moments from my memory as I was reading. I was having a rough time.)
And, speaking of Ollie’s awful friends from early childhood: I hated the ending. I get keeping things hopeful, and I think with one of the characters there were indicators of Ollie’s forgiveness being tied more to wishful thinking(poor baby), but with the other character, the turnaround was so abrupt that it frustrated me. (Especially because, no other spoilers, but that specific character was probably the cruelest towards Ollie!!) I was actually shaking with rage I’m sorry😭
Another thing I didn’t like was the pacing, it’s slow from both the character-driven story, and Ollie’s thoughts going in circles until they come to terms with their identity. And maybe it’s because I’m used to reading about neurodivergent characters describing their traits with animals, but their attitude didn’t feel unique, either.
Still, though, this was objectively well-written, and I wholeheartedly support its existence. And to my trans siblings, especially those that are depressed, please take care of yourselves if you read this. The frequent dysphoria and transphobia is probably obvious, but there’s also depictions of depression caused by it, and a moment where Ollie contemplates self-harm. (They don’t actually do it, but I still found it to be a very graphic scene, check the spoiler text in the triggers for more info on why.)
As a reader who doesn’t neatly fit into the gender binary, I was very excited to receive the approval for this book!! Queer representation in middle grade is still scarce, particularly trans representation (ESPECIALLY if it’s non-white, good lord), but “Ollie In Between” is one of the newer additions to a subcategory of quietly impactful self-discovery narratives. Despite my rating technically being on the lower side, I’m purposeful with that word choice: Callans provides a visceral, often deeply uncomfortable, glimpse into entering puberty with a body your true self isn’t recognized in. The discomfort Ollie feels goes deeper than a stereotypical “born into the wrong body” narrative, focusing a bit more on the pain of gender being thrust upon someone. (To say it brought back some repressed memories and emotions would be a gross understatement. I bawled.)
Besides that, though, I really enjoyed the portrayal of neurodivergence (in this case, what seems to be autism)! It added an extra layer to Ollie’s dilemma around not fitting in with their peers, and it was left in subtext instead of being spelled out as something that most likely complicated their coming out journey. The sensory overload scenes were also well-written, they showed the overwhelm and emotional triggers of them so well it made me uneasy.
I can’t speak on the experiences of the cruelty of middle schoolers— around that time of my life, I was in a queer bubble of sorts— but I liked the complexity in some of Ollie’s other relationships, particularly with their sister (Lila), and their father. I’m very happy to see longer-term grief being discussed in more kidlit (which is kinda contradictory to say, seeing as it makes me miserable if it resonates). While Ollie’s thoughts around it were simplistically worded, their feelings still had depth to them, and their father was awkward and sweet in equal measure. Lila felt like she’d be a one-dimensional character at first, but I was pleased when that wasn’t the case.
I would have liked to see more time with the QSA, though! Ollie spent so much of the book being bullied by their other friends that there weren’t as many pages with that group. Stella was also the only member I actually liked, and wasn’t just neutral about…? (Please take those criticisms with a grain of salt, I may have blocked out certain moments from my memory as I was reading. I was having a rough time.)
And, speaking of Ollie’s awful friends from early childhood: I hated the ending. I get keeping things hopeful, and I think with one of the characters there were indicators of Ollie’s forgiveness being tied more to wishful thinking(poor baby), but with the other character, the turnaround was so abrupt that it frustrated me. (Especially because, no other spoilers, but that specific character was probably the cruelest towards Ollie!!) I was actually shaking with rage I’m sorry😭
Another thing I didn’t like was the pacing, it’s slow from both the character-driven story, and Ollie’s thoughts going in circles until they come to terms with their identity. And maybe it’s because I’m used to reading about neurodivergent characters describing their traits with animals, but their attitude didn’t feel unique, either.
Still, though, this was objectively well-written, and I wholeheartedly support its existence. And to my trans siblings, especially those that are depressed, please take care of yourselves if you read this. The frequent dysphoria and transphobia is probably obvious, but there’s also depictions of depression caused by it, and a moment where Ollie contemplates self-harm. (They don’t actually do it, but I still found it to be a very graphic scene, check the spoiler text in the triggers for more info on why.)
Content Warnings
Graphic: Deadnaming, Panic attacks/disorders, Transphobia, Grief, Toxic friendship, Dysphoria
Moderate: Eating disorder, Blood, Death of parent
While technically none of the characters have an ED, one of Ollie’s friends shows signs of disordered eating.
Ollie is referred to as their full legal name at numerous points, but them nor the people doing it recognize it as deadnaming.
At another point in the book, Ollie contemplates self-harm, although the thought distresses them. They accidentally cut themself with the same razor they initially contemplated harming themself with, in the middle of a depression/anxiety spiral. I found the thoughts in that scene to still be strikingly similar to those who actively self-harm.