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A review by xxivo
Tears in the Water by Margherita Scialla
emotional
funny
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
5.0
I received an eARC of this book for a honest review.
General ramble:
I was quite excited for this book and oh wow it delivered. It was fun to read with the right amount of drama but nothing over the top making it feel quite cozy. It felt like a hug to my soul, reassuring me all will be fine. And to be honest I needed that reassurance quite bad.
Relationships between characters:
So this book follows Alex who is studying at a sports university where she swims. The book starts off with her meeting a new person from the volleyball team and the whole encounter is quite awkward. But oh so relatable. I felt so seen by her struggles written right there on paper it made me almost hug my ereader already. The awkwardness with him stays in the book for a while, because such a thing isn't easily resolved for someone neurodivergent. It was nice to see how he gave her space when needed, but also pushed when she got too stuck in their own head. I felt it was a really nice portrayal of someone supportive of the MC.
Her friend Xiuying was great to have as a friend character to Alex. Together they formed a pair that could depend on each other and looked out for one another. I really liked their dynamic and the way it was given form in this book.
Neurodiversity and what it did to me:
There are more moments in the book where her neurodiversity is shown, which I won't go into too details for because of spoilers, but know they were very relatable too. The moment however she goes nonverbal for a bit made me reconsider parts of my life. I personally never had a fully nonverbal moment, but the way the book explains very clearly how it feels made me realize I actually had been close to such moments. I deeply felt what she was going through, and it made me think that even if I might not fully go nonverbal, I maybe should choose to not speak either. Because in those moments it does cause me a lot of distress like mentioned in the book, and that's not worth it to mask.
Gender:
General ramble:
I was quite excited for this book and oh wow it delivered. It was fun to read with the right amount of drama but nothing over the top making it feel quite cozy. It felt like a hug to my soul, reassuring me all will be fine. And to be honest I needed that reassurance quite bad.
Relationships between characters:
So this book follows Alex who is studying at a sports university where she swims. The book starts off with her meeting a new person from the volleyball team and the whole encounter is quite awkward. But oh so relatable. I felt so seen by her struggles written right there on paper it made me almost hug my ereader already. The awkwardness with him stays in the book for a while, because such a thing isn't easily resolved for someone neurodivergent. It was nice to see how he gave her space when needed, but also pushed when she got too stuck in their own head. I felt it was a really nice portrayal of someone supportive of the MC.
Her friend Xiuying was great to have as a friend character to Alex. Together they formed a pair that could depend on each other and looked out for one another. I really liked their dynamic and the way it was given form in this book.
Neurodiversity and what it did to me:
There are more moments in the book where her neurodiversity is shown, which I won't go into too details for because of spoilers, but know they were very relatable too. The moment however she goes nonverbal for a bit made me reconsider parts of my life. I personally never had a fully nonverbal moment, but the way the book explains very clearly how it feels made me realize I actually had been close to such moments. I deeply felt what she was going through, and it made me think that even if I might not fully go nonverbal, I maybe should choose to not speak either. Because in those moments it does cause me a lot of distress like mentioned in the book, and that's not worth it to mask.
Gender:
I am currently in a sort of second gender identity crisis and seeing Alex go through her own struggles with this made me feel safe and accepted to explore mine. And I feel that is worth so much, to find that safe space in a book for a bit, just to be you.
Alex had moments full of panic and moments of pushing those away. At the start of the book her brother calls her a woman and this happens:
I felt my blood boil, anger adding to the anxiety. "I'm not a-" I halted suddenly, surprised by my own self. Oh.... I guess I am a woman.
I felt this was done really well to show that sometimes unconsciously people are further in cracking their egg (trans slang for realizing you're trans) than they are aware off. That sometimes you keep denying thinking about it or just pushing it away, but that it simply doesn't work like that. And then it will come out in unexpected moments, moments like this, that surprise yourself too.
Towards the end of the book a friend of her sees this happening and says this to her:
Towards the end of the book a friend of her sees this happening and says this to her:
"I think part of you might be scared to acknowledge who you are, because you don't fully understand what you feel yet, or what it really means.
I loved how her Xiuying, Tate and Uriah helped and supported her throughout her journey but she helped them too. This moment above of Xiuying pointing out what is happening to her felt like a good representation of that. But there are many other moments too where Tate is always there to listen to all Alex's gender thoughts, which are so so valuable to someone trying to figure out their gender and I loved it how safely and warm this was put on paper. The support went both ways too, when Tate was dealing with struggles around his gender and the transphobia that brings to you. I really liked that mutual support.
I liked it a lot too that there was this other trans character that acted as someone giving Alex some guidance. I don't see it often in books that another trans person is there to support the gender questioning of another. I had and currently have those kind of people in my life and they mean a lot. I've been them for others too at this point. And I think it is something really valuable that happens within the community and I love how such a thing was celebrated and written in the book.
There are obviously some sideplots to this book as well and they helped the main storyline progress really well. Alex wasn't the only one trying to figure out themselves, or start a relationship. And to see the other members of her friend circle struggle with the same kind of things made it all fit in nicely together.
I liked it a lot too that there was this other trans character that acted as someone giving Alex some guidance. I don't see it often in books that another trans person is there to support the gender questioning of another. I had and currently have those kind of people in my life and they mean a lot. I've been them for others too at this point. And I think it is something really valuable that happens within the community and I love how such a thing was celebrated and written in the book.
There are obviously some sideplots to this book as well and they helped the main storyline progress really well. Alex wasn't the only one trying to figure out themselves, or start a relationship. And to see the other members of her friend circle struggle with the same kind of things made it all fit in nicely together.
I saved so many quotes while reading this book because I deeply connected to a lot of them. Or I wanted to save beautiful joyful moments that made me feel good alongside the characters. I read this book in the span of a few days because I couldn't stop thinking about it. And kept wanting to go back to that good feeling it gave me while reading. It was amazing.
I am so so glad I read this book, and I'll keep rambling about it to others because it was great.
And in the end let's be honest:
"Of only one thing I was certain. Gender was fucking confusing."