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A review by seawarrior
With the Light: Raising an Autistic Child Vol.1 by Keiko Tobe
3.0
I came across this book in my college library and was interested in reading it since I myself am an autistic adult, and it's rare to find stories about people like me that are told with empathy for our own community and not just the abled people around us. While the author didn't accomplish that perfectly, it was clear that they tried. I definitely have mixed feelings about the way Hikaru's life is displayed, but I'll attempt to describe them briefly.
The beginning of this book was very difficult for me to read, and a few times I considered quitting. I can understand the frustration and exhaustion of raising an autistic child, but many allistic people behave as if their autistic family members have no internal thoughts and emotions and that verbally or physically assaulting them to force different behaviors is acceptable and won't lead to trauma the same way it would for any allistic child. The parents in this story become more compassionate as time goes on, but Hikaru's mother still states later on that she doesn't think Hikaru can connect or fully remember the times she's hit or screamed at him because he'd reach out for her affection later. This thinking greatly worries me.
A child still wanting their parents' comfort after being treated poorly is not an excuse to avoid apologizing to them. It doesn't mean they aren't still hurting either. Affection is a necessity for children, and if they cannot outsource what they need to other family members or friends they'll often times still turn to a parent who has upset them, something Hikaru's parents didn't seem to truly understand. Due to harsh treatment in youth from both caretakers and peers, many autistic people grow to maturity with mental health issues such as depression, anxiety and worsening self-harming behaviors. Creating narratives that only empathize with the caretakers who mistreat us and downplay the suffering we endure at their hands is callous and dangerous to our opportunities to develop into healthy adults.
Pieces of this story in which Hikaru's parents reject him and even go as far as to say that they couldn't feel love for him for years were incredibly distressing to me. I also wasn't alright with autism being described in multiple places as a disease, although that could be a translation error. Either way, allistic people desperately need to grasp how those notions effect us well outside of individual thoughts and passive aggressive comments on the street. Some autistic children have been legitimately tortured and experimented on in attempts to 'cure' them of their autism, and autistic people can be denied for organ transplants in my country based on a diagnosis of autism alone. Acceptance of autistic people and the accommodations we require isn't just nice, but crucial to our survival.
On a lighter note, I still consider this to be one of the more empathic portrayals of an autistic character. I do wish that more attempts were made to understand Hikaru's thought processes and emotions, but it was heartening to see the great strides his family, teachers and doctors made to support him and create a welcoming environment where he would feel safe. Some parents of autistic children fail to realize that creative and compassionate solutions are what will create a happier life for the entire family, so I enjoyed seeing the communication devices and toys the adults working with Hikaru created to make the world more accessible for him. I was also relieved that his parents didn't force him to hide his autistic traits, and instead decided to vocally advocate for him whenever possible.
If you're a reader who isn't autistic, I urge you to not end your education of the autistic community and the way we experience the world with this one story. Much of the information in this book is outdated and autism is now understood to be a broader spectrum, with a variety of symptoms that weren't discussed in this work. It's also important to remember that no two autistic people have the same traits and personality, so if you've met one autistic person, you've only met one autistic person. By only reading one story, you will never be able to understand them all.
The beginning of this book was very difficult for me to read, and a few times I considered quitting. I can understand the frustration and exhaustion of raising an autistic child, but many allistic people behave as if their autistic family members have no internal thoughts and emotions and that verbally or physically assaulting them to force different behaviors is acceptable and won't lead to trauma the same way it would for any allistic child. The parents in this story become more compassionate as time goes on, but Hikaru's mother still states later on that she doesn't think Hikaru can connect or fully remember the times she's hit or screamed at him because he'd reach out for her affection later. This thinking greatly worries me.
A child still wanting their parents' comfort after being treated poorly is not an excuse to avoid apologizing to them. It doesn't mean they aren't still hurting either. Affection is a necessity for children, and if they cannot outsource what they need to other family members or friends they'll often times still turn to a parent who has upset them, something Hikaru's parents didn't seem to truly understand. Due to harsh treatment in youth from both caretakers and peers, many autistic people grow to maturity with mental health issues such as depression, anxiety and worsening self-harming behaviors. Creating narratives that only empathize with the caretakers who mistreat us and downplay the suffering we endure at their hands is callous and dangerous to our opportunities to develop into healthy adults.
Pieces of this story in which Hikaru's parents reject him and even go as far as to say that they couldn't feel love for him for years were incredibly distressing to me. I also wasn't alright with autism being described in multiple places as a disease, although that could be a translation error. Either way, allistic people desperately need to grasp how those notions effect us well outside of individual thoughts and passive aggressive comments on the street. Some autistic children have been legitimately tortured and experimented on in attempts to 'cure' them of their autism, and autistic people can be denied for organ transplants in my country based on a diagnosis of autism alone. Acceptance of autistic people and the accommodations we require isn't just nice, but crucial to our survival.
On a lighter note, I still consider this to be one of the more empathic portrayals of an autistic character. I do wish that more attempts were made to understand Hikaru's thought processes and emotions, but it was heartening to see the great strides his family, teachers and doctors made to support him and create a welcoming environment where he would feel safe. Some parents of autistic children fail to realize that creative and compassionate solutions are what will create a happier life for the entire family, so I enjoyed seeing the communication devices and toys the adults working with Hikaru created to make the world more accessible for him. I was also relieved that his parents didn't force him to hide his autistic traits, and instead decided to vocally advocate for him whenever possible.
If you're a reader who isn't autistic, I urge you to not end your education of the autistic community and the way we experience the world with this one story. Much of the information in this book is outdated and autism is now understood to be a broader spectrum, with a variety of symptoms that weren't discussed in this work. It's also important to remember that no two autistic people have the same traits and personality, so if you've met one autistic person, you've only met one autistic person. By only reading one story, you will never be able to understand them all.