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A review by wilt
Reclaimed by Seth Haddon
2.0
(I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.)
At first, this had all the makings of a 4 or 5 star book. There was so much going on in the beginning that struck so many of my personal interests. I liked the story setup: both the gravity of the situation and Saba's conflicting emotions regarding it, especially his 'selfish' motivation that lead to the catastrophe at the heart of the book. I will go to bat for messy transgender characters any day of the week, and throughout the book Saba's inner turmoil regarding his body, sense of self, and his drive to change his body at the expense of everyone and anything else -- all tied up with his guilt, anger, grief and ambition -- was my favorite element by far. Even when it was painful and depressing to see him struggle with his body as a trans reader myself. His motivation was a great catalyst for the story and I was very interested in the mystery/investigation vibe the book opened with. And of course the size difference between him and the love interest was an immediate draw as well.
However. Despite Saba and Zek being interesting characters on their own, their romance struggled to captivate me. Which is hard to say, because they had some genuinely good moments throughout the book. But too many scenes came off as the author nudging them together rather than it feeling like an organic connection between the characters themselves. And too much of it felt rather juvenile, given the circumstances and the heavy tone introduced from the beginning, and the stakes at play.
For the remaining 2/3rds I frequently considered DNFing due to this loss of interest in the romance, but also because the plot itself lost its edge, with pacing and plot decisions that felt awkward, and even inconsistencies in the writing itself (one example: where characters were described as climbing out of a gig only to be inexplicably seated in it again a few pages later).
There were also several pet peeves prevalent: from an overabundance of winking, to numerous side characters acting way too invested in Saba and Zek's relationship, even when they were barely witness to it or weren't exactly friends to either of them. As well as the casual and frequent use of the word 'slut' to describe Saba's pretty normal feelings of desire. Which brings me into another issue regarding Saba's past experiences with sex, which is only briefly described towards the end of the book and really threw me for a loop, because of how casual his sex life apparently has been up to this point when so much of his anxiety is rooted around his body and how others gender it under every circumstance. Anxiety around sex and intimacy is a real and complex thing among some trans people, but his past experiences felt wildly overlooked and dissonant compared to where we meet him as a reader. I would have liked more insight into how he overcame these anxieties with previous encounters when his anxiety has such a major grip over him through the course of this book. Especially when it seems (by implication) he might've been having sex early in his transition, or even before it. It was either a missed opportunity to add further depth to Saba's complex feelings on sex, or a very huge contradiction, to write his past in this way. But with how briefly this point was glossed over, there wasn't enough to work with either way, and that makes me very sad.
Overall, I can't say I enjoyed this book outside the first 20% or so. But I appreciate Saba's character -- for his complexities and motivations and messy emotions. I appreciate the attempt made to tell an interesting trans story heavily focused on an unconventional means of transition. I appreciate that Zek had his own (perceived) bodily imperfections. And even though the execution didn't land its mark, and I'm not sure I would really recommend this book, I can at least walk away with these positives.
At first, this had all the makings of a 4 or 5 star book. There was so much going on in the beginning that struck so many of my personal interests. I liked the story setup: both the gravity of the situation and Saba's conflicting emotions regarding it, especially his 'selfish' motivation that lead to the catastrophe at the heart of the book. I will go to bat for messy transgender characters any day of the week, and throughout the book Saba's inner turmoil regarding his body, sense of self, and his drive to change his body at the expense of everyone and anything else -- all tied up with his guilt, anger, grief and ambition -- was my favorite element by far. Even when it was painful and depressing to see him struggle with his body as a trans reader myself. His motivation was a great catalyst for the story and I was very interested in the mystery/investigation vibe the book opened with. And of course the size difference between him and the love interest was an immediate draw as well.
However. Despite Saba and Zek being interesting characters on their own, their romance struggled to captivate me. Which is hard to say, because they had some genuinely good moments throughout the book. But too many scenes came off as the author nudging them together rather than it feeling like an organic connection between the characters themselves. And too much of it felt rather juvenile, given the circumstances and the heavy tone introduced from the beginning, and the stakes at play.
For the remaining 2/3rds I frequently considered DNFing due to this loss of interest in the romance, but also because the plot itself lost its edge, with pacing and plot decisions that felt awkward, and even inconsistencies in the writing itself (one example: where characters were described as climbing out of a gig only to be inexplicably seated in it again a few pages later).
There were also several pet peeves prevalent: from an overabundance of winking, to numerous side characters acting way too invested in Saba and Zek's relationship, even when they were barely witness to it or weren't exactly friends to either of them. As well as the casual and frequent use of the word 'slut' to describe Saba's pretty normal feelings of desire. Which brings me into another issue regarding Saba's past experiences with sex, which is only briefly described towards the end of the book and really threw me for a loop, because of how casual his sex life apparently has been up to this point when so much of his anxiety is rooted around his body and how others gender it under every circumstance. Anxiety around sex and intimacy is a real and complex thing among some trans people, but his past experiences felt wildly overlooked and dissonant compared to where we meet him as a reader. I would have liked more insight into how he overcame these anxieties with previous encounters when his anxiety has such a major grip over him through the course of this book. Especially when it seems (by implication) he might've been having sex early in his transition, or even before it. It was either a missed opportunity to add further depth to Saba's complex feelings on sex, or a very huge contradiction, to write his past in this way. But with how briefly this point was glossed over, there wasn't enough to work with either way, and that makes me very sad.
Overall, I can't say I enjoyed this book outside the first 20% or so. But I appreciate Saba's character -- for his complexities and motivations and messy emotions. I appreciate the attempt made to tell an interesting trans story heavily focused on an unconventional means of transition. I appreciate that Zek had his own (perceived) bodily imperfections. And even though the execution didn't land its mark, and I'm not sure I would really recommend this book, I can at least walk away with these positives.