A review by anbananova
Festive in Death by J.D. Robb

3.5

i didn’t like the case as it was circling and not around the right person. but i did like everything else: christmas prep, party and gift exchange. i wish eve and roarke finished opening each other’s gifts. 

first appearance of peabody’s pink magic coat and the banner in the bullpen. 

💗

“Hey, She-Body. You forgot your toe warmers this morning.” He pulled a pair of thin gels out of one of his pockets.
“Thanks. Aw, you activated them.”
“Can’t have my girl’s tootsies cold.”
“Don’t say aw again,” Eve ordered, anticipating. “And never say tootsies. You’re wearing badges, for God’s sake”

“An even tattier sign announcing “HAPPY HOLIDAYS” hung crookedly from it.
Perhaps the same determined elf had dragged in the pitiful, spindly fake tree, propped it in a corner. ID shots of detectives and uniforms decorated the branches with Eve’s stuck on the stubby top.”

“He pressed his lips to her throat, to the pulse that beat for him. “I missed our time this morning, just that bit of time over coffee and breakfast.”
“I know. Me, too.”
“It makes it all the more precious.” His lips brushed her cheekbone, her temple. “Those times, these times.”
She burrowed into him. “Every time.”

“Where’s the hooch—for Dickhead?”
“Fourth-floor gift room.”
She stared at him for ten silent seconds. “We have a gift room?”
On a half laugh, he shook his head. “One day, darling Eve, you really should go through the entire house. East wing, fourth-floor tower.”
“Okay.” Since she wasn’t completely sure where that was, she walked to the elevator. Ordered it.
“Don’t bother shaking boxes,” he called out. “None of yours are in that location.”
“I don’t snoop,” she said as the doors shut.”

“The cat raced ahead, ringing cheerfully. “Did Summerset put that stupid bell on him?”
“I put that stupid bell on him.”
“You?” She shot him a stunned glance. “Seriously?”
“It was a weak moment,” Roarke admitted. “Give him a bit of the festive, I thought. And now he’s ringing like a mad thing, most of it on purpose to my mind. He’s enjoying it.”
“The bow, too?”
“I said it was a weak moment. I”

“She sulked over her eggs. Even bacon lost some appeal with the prospect of wrangling with Summerset.
“Isn’t it bad enough I have to face hours of swarming decorators, then end that small nightmare by having Trina pour gunk all over me? Now I have to face the smirking disapproval of our resident corpse?”
“You run an entire division of murder cops firmly, cleverly, and efficiently. You’d step in front of a stunner to save an innocent bystander. You would, and have, faced off with vicious murderers. I think you can handle Summerset, decorators in our employ, and a hair-and-skin consultant.”

“You can call me Felicity. I’m sort of thinking of dropping the last name—professionally, you know? It’s more fun, and sexier. Just one name. You know, like Roarke.”
“Huh” was the best Eve could think of.
“You know: Roarke. The abso-ult rich guy. And completely iced. He actually owns this building. I would die to meet him, wouldn’t you?”
“Well.” She decided it was best not to mention she’d just recently banged said abso-ult iced Roarke into a mutual puddle.”

“She did the turn.
“Once more?” he asked as he approached her. Then he caught her shoulders from the back. “Well now, that’s adorable.”
“What? What?” She struggled to see her own back, caught sight of something painted just above the low, nearly ass-brushing, back of the dress. “Shit. Shit! What the hell is that? What did she paint on me? Get it off!”
“I believe it’s a sprig of mistletoe, and I wouldn’t remove it for the world.”

“You wouldn’t stab my dead body in the heart with a kitchen knife if I cheated on you?” She found herself oddly insulted.
“There wouldn’t be enough left of it to stab. I expect I’d have already cut out your cheating heart and set it on fire. This, of course, after I’d—what was your phrase—‘beaten your lover into paste,’ after which I’d have castrated him. But not with a kitchen knife, mind you. I’d have used a dull, rusty, and jagged blade, putting it to use again in the aforementioned cutting out of your heart. And I’d feed his cock and balls to a vicious rabid dog I’d acquired for that specific purpose.”
“That should cover everything.” Now, rather than insulted, she felt well loved.”

“We’ve got a prenup, right?”
“We do, yes. You read it, had your lawyer go over it. We signed it and put it away where we never have to think of it again.”
“Yeah, right. I didn’t read it or do the lawyer thing. I just signed it.”
He stopped the car, annoying several cars behind him. “What? Christ Jesus, Eve.”

“And if you think I’d take a penny with me if you boot me, you are a moron. I take what I came in with. Except this.” She tapped her wedding ring with her thumb. “And this.” Lifted the diamond from under her shirt. “They’re mine, and if that’s not in there, it’s going to be amended.”
“You leave me speechless.”
“That’ll be the day.”
“I love you beyond speech. Beyond reason.”
“That works for me. You work for me.” She leaned back, looked down. “I might keep these boots, too, and the coat. Yeah, if you boot me, I’m definitely keeping the coat.”
He grinned at her, took her hand.
“You keep Summerset—that’s firm.”

“We’re all-inclusive in Homicide, ’cause whatever your race, color, or creed, you can get dead.”
“We should write that up under a Merry Christmas sign.”

“Aw, Dallas, he called me a twat. How come you get to be a bitch, but I only get to be a twat.”
“It’s the rank,” Eve told her. “You’ll make bitch one day.”
“Thanks. That means a lot to me.”

“A banner hung over the break-room door, facing out so any who came in would see the sentiment: 
NO MATTER YOUR RACE, CREED, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, OR POLITICAL AFFILIATION, WE PROTECT AND SERVE, BECAUSE YOU COULD GET DEAD.”