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A review by emreadsfiction
Counting the Cost by Jill Duggar
This memoir is really hard to review. So much so that it is the first book I will not be giving a star rating to.
The way Jill Duggar told her story in Counting the Cost is so unlike any celebrity memoir I've read. There is no clear villain in her eyes, except maybe her abuser, whose name I won't write in this review. Though as I got deeper into the memoir, this icky feeling kept coming over me telling me that absolutely none of the people involved in the Duggar family, not even Jill/Derick, are good people.
I think it's only fair for me to clarify that I am a lesbian woman in an interracial relationship and I do not believe in the Christian god even though I was raised Baptist Christian and went to private Christian school. I have very strong feelings against missionary work and Christian teachings due to the inherent homophobia, racism, and white saviorism.
I can acknowledge that this memoir is generally well written (for a memoir by someone without any formal education) and offers a gripping story. The writing could've used a little bit more editing, but whoever was ghostwriting/editing made the story easily digestible while sticking true to the narrative. I like the decision to remain chronological. Jill Duggar asserts control over her story here that I haven't seen much in other memoirs. And by that I mean she refuses to really go in depth about her abuse or relive it for us readers. I respect that 1000% and applaud her for maintaining her privacy.
But I can't review this memoir without also acknowledging the behavior of Jill and especially her husband, Derick. Derick is outwardly anti-LGBTQ and has made statements against queer and trans people. Jill and Derick have gone on multiple "mission trips," bringing their toddler to a place with contaminated water, lack of vaccines, and viruses rare in the US. They act like white saviors in a place where people of color are suffering for reasons that cannot be fixed with church and cults. In this book, she makes comments that raise red flags to me, like "people will dislike what we say, do or believe regardless of the truth" (not accepting that they could be wrong about their anti-LGBTQ, pro-repub agenda) and "Like a lifer who'd just been released, I felt dazed and unsure about this new world ahead of me" (Neither her nor Derick have ever been to jail).
Another problem I have is the overall superficialness of Jill's account. There was so much room for her to hold her father and mother accountable for the wrongs they did. She hardly criticizes her mother for her role in the emotional abuse Jill faced. It also baffles me that Jill failed to discuss the problems with having so many children. She acknowledged that it was fun for her, as a 10-year-old, to do the family "buddy system" where she was responsible for the daily needs of one or more of her siblings. A 10-year-old should never, ever be responsible for the care of a child. It reads to me like Michelle and JB were creating a chaotic, unsafe environment for their family in which they did not have the capacity to care for every child on their own and see to their safety, and as that is your #1 role as a parent, it should've been a sign that they needed to stop having kids a long time ago. If you're having children just because it's "God's Will" or the teaching of your pastor, that is the wrong reason. I wish Jill would've recognized the harm her parents caused in having so many children.
Jill is extremely brave for fighting against her bully and making peace with her past. I think the way she took control over her own life, reshaped her view of religion, and continues to advocate for positive, humble relationships with her god is such a powerful message to share. And at the same time, I think she has a lot more deconstructing to do. Christianity, in my opinion, should never be a vehicle for the demonization of other groups. I wish she would check herself and her husband on their anti-LGBTQ views as well as the harmful effects their religion and missionary work has on other people. I think she could've spent another 5 years deconstructing, going to therapy, and separating herself from her family before writing this memoir, and it would've come out a lot better.
Through every celebrity memoir that I've read, I have noticed a consistent theme in every single one of them. The media, and fans, need to chill the hell out and respect the privacy of celebrities. No one, no matter how famous they are, owes the public details about their private life. And child celebrities in particular need better legislation protecting their income, privacy, and safety. I hope that with the influx of memoirs like this, more discussion of protective legislation will arise for people like Jill.
The way Jill Duggar told her story in Counting the Cost is so unlike any celebrity memoir I've read. There is no clear villain in her eyes, except maybe her abuser, whose name I won't write in this review. Though as I got deeper into the memoir, this icky feeling kept coming over me telling me that absolutely none of the people involved in the Duggar family, not even Jill/Derick, are good people.
I think it's only fair for me to clarify that I am a lesbian woman in an interracial relationship and I do not believe in the Christian god even though I was raised Baptist Christian and went to private Christian school. I have very strong feelings against missionary work and Christian teachings due to the inherent homophobia, racism, and white saviorism.
I can acknowledge that this memoir is generally well written (for a memoir by someone without any formal education) and offers a gripping story. The writing could've used a little bit more editing, but whoever was ghostwriting/editing made the story easily digestible while sticking true to the narrative. I like the decision to remain chronological. Jill Duggar asserts control over her story here that I haven't seen much in other memoirs. And by that I mean she refuses to really go in depth about her abuse or relive it for us readers. I respect that 1000% and applaud her for maintaining her privacy.
But I can't review this memoir without also acknowledging the behavior of Jill and especially her husband, Derick. Derick is outwardly anti-LGBTQ and has made statements against queer and trans people. Jill and Derick have gone on multiple "mission trips," bringing their toddler to a place with contaminated water, lack of vaccines, and viruses rare in the US. They act like white saviors in a place where people of color are suffering for reasons that cannot be fixed with church and cults. In this book, she makes comments that raise red flags to me, like "people will dislike what we say, do or believe regardless of the truth" (not accepting that they could be wrong about their anti-LGBTQ, pro-repub agenda) and "Like a lifer who'd just been released, I felt dazed and unsure about this new world ahead of me" (Neither her nor Derick have ever been to jail).
Another problem I have is the overall superficialness of Jill's account. There was so much room for her to hold her father and mother accountable for the wrongs they did. She hardly criticizes her mother for her role in the emotional abuse Jill faced. It also baffles me that Jill failed to discuss the problems with having so many children. She acknowledged that it was fun for her, as a 10-year-old, to do the family "buddy system" where she was responsible for the daily needs of one or more of her siblings. A 10-year-old should never, ever be responsible for the care of a child. It reads to me like Michelle and JB were creating a chaotic, unsafe environment for their family in which they did not have the capacity to care for every child on their own and see to their safety, and as that is your #1 role as a parent, it should've been a sign that they needed to stop having kids a long time ago. If you're having children just because it's "God's Will" or the teaching of your pastor, that is the wrong reason. I wish Jill would've recognized the harm her parents caused in having so many children.
Jill is extremely brave for fighting against her bully and making peace with her past. I think the way she took control over her own life, reshaped her view of religion, and continues to advocate for positive, humble relationships with her god is such a powerful message to share. And at the same time, I think she has a lot more deconstructing to do. Christianity, in my opinion, should never be a vehicle for the demonization of other groups. I wish she would check herself and her husband on their anti-LGBTQ views as well as the harmful effects their religion and missionary work has on other people. I think she could've spent another 5 years deconstructing, going to therapy, and separating herself from her family before writing this memoir, and it would've come out a lot better.
Through every celebrity memoir that I've read, I have noticed a consistent theme in every single one of them. The media, and fans, need to chill the hell out and respect the privacy of celebrities. No one, no matter how famous they are, owes the public details about their private life. And child celebrities in particular need better legislation protecting their income, privacy, and safety. I hope that with the influx of memoirs like this, more discussion of protective legislation will arise for people like Jill.