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A review by jwsg
The Yes Brain: How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience in Your Child by Tina Payne Bryson, Daniel J. Siegel
2.0
The Yes Brain wasn't a bad book. But if you've read The Whole-Brain Child, there's nothing much that is new in this book - most of what Siegel and Bryson cover in The Yes Brain is familiar ground.
In a nutshell, if you want your child to have a "Yes Brain", i.e. to be open to new challenges and opportunities, to be receptive rather than reactive, then you have to teach them (a) balance; (b) resilience; (c) insight; and (d) empathy.
Balance - i.e. emotional flexibility and behavioural balance - is covered extensively in The Whole-Brain Child. Siegel and Bryson advocate connecting with your child, naming and acknowledging their emotions (similar to Janet Lansbury), before helping them problem solve. They give suggestions on how to equip children to recognise their emotions (e.g. is my heart beating faster, am I getting that strange feeling in my tummy) and giving them tools to regain their emotional balance (e.g. deep breathing). They also advocate focussing on external elements of balance through what they term "the Healthy Mind Platter" - adequate sleep time, physical time, focus time (i.e. time spent concentrating e.g. at school), connecting time with friends and family, play time, down time and time-in.
Resilience is about "widen[ing] a child's window of tolerance for dealing with difficulty so that she's more and more capable of handling hardship and adversity". Again, this is about acknowledging your child's emotions when they are faced wth a challenging situation (e.g. disappointment, frustration, grief, etc) and then using your judgement as to whether to "push" your child or "cushion" them if the challenge is just too big for them at that juncture. By helping our kid feel Safe, Seen, Soothed and Secure, we can help them become more resilient.
Insight, i.e. the ability to "look within and understand ourselves, then use what we learn to be more in control of our emotions and circumstances", is also covered extensively in The Whole-Brain Child. The same fundamentals for teaching balance apply - the ability to recognise and name emotions in oneself. But Siegel and Bryson note that insight goes beyond feelings but also applies to sensations, images, feelings and thoughts - all the various things that potentially influence and drive our behaviour. By recognising what's going on inside us - almost like a impartial spectator - we can put things in perspective and respond more appropriately than if we were swept up by our feelings. One particular strategy here I found useful was Siegel and Bryson's suggestion to "reframe pain" and struggle as things that aren't necessarily bad to go through. Their suggestion is to ask our child: Which struggle do you prefer? (e.g. the sacrifice of going for extra practice or the sacrifice of not getting to play in the game).
Empathy is the ability to consider and care for others. It is not "catering to every opinion and demand made by someone in their life", i.e. being a doormat. It entails being able to appreciate others' perspective, feeling how they are feeling, understanding another's overall experience, sensing and wanting to reduce suffering, and also experiencing delight with the happiness and achievements of others. We can train kids to develop empathy by asking them to imagine how others are feeling, why they might feel that way or respond to a situation in a particular way. We can ask them to think about the desires of others (e.g. what might someone appreciate for their birthday) and others' experiences.
Overall, The Yes Brain wasn't a bad book. But for those who have read The Whole-Brain Child, most of the advice won't be very new.
In a nutshell, if you want your child to have a "Yes Brain", i.e. to be open to new challenges and opportunities, to be receptive rather than reactive, then you have to teach them (a) balance; (b) resilience; (c) insight; and (d) empathy.
Balance - i.e. emotional flexibility and behavioural balance - is covered extensively in The Whole-Brain Child. Siegel and Bryson advocate connecting with your child, naming and acknowledging their emotions (similar to Janet Lansbury), before helping them problem solve. They give suggestions on how to equip children to recognise their emotions (e.g. is my heart beating faster, am I getting that strange feeling in my tummy) and giving them tools to regain their emotional balance (e.g. deep breathing). They also advocate focussing on external elements of balance through what they term "the Healthy Mind Platter" - adequate sleep time, physical time, focus time (i.e. time spent concentrating e.g. at school), connecting time with friends and family, play time, down time and time-in.
Resilience is about "widen[ing] a child's window of tolerance for dealing with difficulty so that she's more and more capable of handling hardship and adversity". Again, this is about acknowledging your child's emotions when they are faced wth a challenging situation (e.g. disappointment, frustration, grief, etc) and then using your judgement as to whether to "push" your child or "cushion" them if the challenge is just too big for them at that juncture. By helping our kid feel Safe, Seen, Soothed and Secure, we can help them become more resilient.
Insight, i.e. the ability to "look within and understand ourselves, then use what we learn to be more in control of our emotions and circumstances", is also covered extensively in The Whole-Brain Child. The same fundamentals for teaching balance apply - the ability to recognise and name emotions in oneself. But Siegel and Bryson note that insight goes beyond feelings but also applies to sensations, images, feelings and thoughts - all the various things that potentially influence and drive our behaviour. By recognising what's going on inside us - almost like a impartial spectator - we can put things in perspective and respond more appropriately than if we were swept up by our feelings. One particular strategy here I found useful was Siegel and Bryson's suggestion to "reframe pain" and struggle as things that aren't necessarily bad to go through. Their suggestion is to ask our child: Which struggle do you prefer? (e.g. the sacrifice of going for extra practice or the sacrifice of not getting to play in the game).
Empathy is the ability to consider and care for others. It is not "catering to every opinion and demand made by someone in their life", i.e. being a doormat. It entails being able to appreciate others' perspective, feeling how they are feeling, understanding another's overall experience, sensing and wanting to reduce suffering, and also experiencing delight with the happiness and achievements of others. We can train kids to develop empathy by asking them to imagine how others are feeling, why they might feel that way or respond to a situation in a particular way. We can ask them to think about the desires of others (e.g. what might someone appreciate for their birthday) and others' experiences.
Overall, The Yes Brain wasn't a bad book. But for those who have read The Whole-Brain Child, most of the advice won't be very new.