A review by somarostam
Drowning Instinct by Ilsa J. Bick

5.0

WOW! It is such a pleasant surprise when a book turns out to be much, much better than your expectations! I knew , from the very beginning, that this book would be dark, scary dark. This book was one of those books that remind me why I started reading in the first place.
---
Each me was different from the other and yet the same, like the angles of a triangle or the facets of a diamond.
---
Jenna Lord is not your typical girl. She has had a hard past, a psycho dad, a drunken mum, and a brother who left for Iraq. Her life is a constant hell, until she meets her enigmatic teacher, Mr. Anderson.
I cannot say more about this book, my experience with it was fabulous, and I am afraid that if I say too much, it will ruin your experience. Jenna is one of the most broken characters I have ever read about. She is so broken that it's tangible, I felt for her and I felt what she was going through. Her decision-making skills were equal to zero. I would never do what she did, but all I wanted was to give her a HUGE hug and show her the right way. There was nobody in her life who really cared for her, and all who did care, were taken away somehow.
Then comes Mr. Anderson. He is captivating, enigmatic, and scary sexy. A devoted husband, a great teacher and much more. He is the man you KNOW you should not fall for but you do anyway. He is much older than Jenna and their relationship is taboo, but they can't stay away. And it's a rule, when two broken people are together, happiness will stay as far away as possible.
---
There are those individuals who die for a cause, and we say they have made the ultimate sacrifice. We call them martyrs, and we never doubt their sincerity.
Yet many others search their entire lives for something—or someone—worth dying for and this is very different. These are the lonely and the desperate, fearful that their lives have no meaning. They yearn for the bullet, if only someone else will pull the trigger.
---
This story is raw, and dark. So dark that you DO NOT want to continue but you do anyway, since you want to know the ending. Don't expect to be happy after you read this book. Because you won't. This will leave you crying (weeping, actually), or cursing, or just wanting to jump off a cliff.
This book is one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had. And Ms. Ilsa will always be one of my top-favorite authors. I am afraid that even if I recommend this to anyone who is willing to read, it would still not do this book justice.
---
I’m beating around the bush. I know I am. I don’t want to tell this story, Bob, and you know why? Because this is a fairy tale with teeth and claws, and here’s what completely sucks: you’re going to want black and white, Bob, right and wrong. I’m not sure I can give that to you. That’s the problem with the truth. Sometimes the truth is ambiguous, or a really bad cliché.
But this is the truth, Bob: I’m a liar.
I am lucky, a liar, a good girl, a princess, a thief—and a killer.
And my reality—my story—begins with Mr. Anderson.
---