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A review by illiteratewench
Acts of Desperation by Megan Nolan
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
"I had been living in a constant bargain with Ciaran for months. Every day that passed in which I was easy to be with, and accommodating, and a good girlfriend, was a ritual offered up. My body expected the perseverance to mean something. And suddenly it was clear that my intentions were meaningless, and I could no more magic him into loving me than I could an animal back to life."
I love disaster girl books and I will not apologise. It took me a while to finally cave and read My Year of Rest and Relaxation and I liked it! What can I say? Similar to My Year, the main character of Acts of Desperation is self absorbed and a bad friend. Out of the disaster girl books I've read (My Year, Luster, Everybody in this Room Will Someday be Dead), the protagonist of Acts of Desperation is one of the worst. And just because she is self aware of her problems, it does not make it better. The biggest issue with our unnamed narrator is her insecurity and need for male validation, which culminates in the focus of this book, her relationship with Ciaran, but we will circle back to that. She is insecure in her looks, has negative self body image, and issues with weight and disordered eating. She goes out and parties, indulging in alcohol and drugs. When she is in her relationship with Ciaran, she blows off her friends and her father (who has been a pretty good parent to her). She also
"There was no religion in my life after early childhood, and a great faith in love was what I had cultivated instead."
"Living with him forced me to treat myself like a person in a way I was not able to alone."
"[Love.] There has never been a drug or a friend or a food that's come even close."
"Life was so pointless, so opaque and shifting, that I could only think about immediate feelings. Immediacy was all I had."
Like our main character, Ciaran has a lot of issues, and the relationship is just once of the worst I've read. He is generally very cold and uncaring. He
The book is written with this period of the narrators life as something in the past, as she lives a happier life in the present in Greece. However, whether this is a true belief of Nolan or something to emphasise the damage done to this character through her experiences with men, even in the happy and more mature present, there is serious issues with consent that appear here and throughout the book. I do not recommend this book to anyone who will be triggered by sexual harassment and non-consensual sex. Scenes where this happens:
"I hate my weakness, what I severed of myself and gave to him, but love it too, love it still. I do not take it back. I love the girl who did those things. I love the girl because I feel sorry for her, and understand her.
Is it brave to be alone? Maybe, in a way. But it was also brave to ask someone to be with me, even though it was the wrong person, and in the wrong way. How could I have asked him to love me, day after day, when the answer kept on being no? What desperation made me live that way?
I mourn for that braveness, which is gone; whether it’s gone for ever or not, I don’t yet know."
Graphic: Sexual harassment, Alcohol, Toxic relationship, Emotional abuse, Sexual violence, Alcoholism, Sexual content, Rape, and Sexual assault
Moderate: Body shaming, Eating disorder, Drug use, and Infidelity
Minor: Fatphobia