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A review by in_love_with_bookish
As Many Nows as I Can Get by Shana Youngdahl
5.0
Trigger warning :
Unbearably sad, impossibly painful to read and a hard punch to the gut, [b:As Many Nows as I Can Get|43152985|As Many Nows as I Can Get|Shana Youngdahl|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1552954744l/43152985._SY75_.jpg|60308714] is heartbreak with words and sadness in the space between them.
At what point did I stop being a planet in orbit, held in place by familiar forces of gravity? And after the cosmic collision that followed, after I cut myself loose, cast myself off, made myself alone, will I ever return to my old orbit? Can I? Do I want to?
If you’re looking at the cover and thinking to yourself what a cute love story this book will be , look away and run for your life, this book will break your heart, fill you with melancholy and hurt you every step of you. but if you’re a glutton for punishment, then come home.
Told in a non-linear way, this book is the story of two teenagers Scarlett and David and how they plunge into a romance that will change who they are and brand their souls for the rest of their lives. Jumping from one point to another in their relationship, the book goes back and forth between their time together and their time apart focusing on their ups and downs and every heartbreak and hope in between.
All these nows happening at once. And if all our nows happen at once, then death—it’s just a scavenger hunt through time
It took me a while to finish the book because it was so painful and sad that I just couldn’t take it at times. I would put the book time just to breath and feel okay and then pick it up again and it will swallow me whole. It’s been a while since I’ve experienced such an intense and uncontrollable reaction to a story like this one.
Now, I’m thinking about all the other people who were sad or lonely, grieving or lost, who have driven this road. How we are connected by our sadness, our joy, our subatomic particles
The story played with my emotions giving me hope and yanking it from me the next page. I’m not going to lie, this tragic love story killed my spirits so many times I felt like I was choking on my feelings.
A story about grief, loss, and loving the right person at the wrong time, being unable to give them a helping hand and help them out when they need it the most and feeling all the guilt of the world when you know that deep down you could’ve had it all, As many nows as I can get delves deep into the heart two teenagers who fall for each other in the most expecting time and having to deal with their conflicted feelings, their inner demons and their personal struggles alongside of that.
Melancholic, Heart wrenching and achingly real, [b:As Many Nows as I Can Get|43152985|As Many Nows as I Can Get|Shana Youngdahl|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1552954744l/43152985._SY75_.jpg|60308714] is the book to pick if you want to feel all the hurt in the world but also celebrate the tiny little moments that made you feel alive and loved and whole.
Maybe my nows will be difficult, and lonely, and full of hurt. Probably they will. But not all of them. Mostly, they will be mine. Each now, a chance to acknowledge what is in front of me. To do my best. An inhale. An exhale. A chance